


The Sisyphean Conundrum

by Kelkat9



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Dark Character, Episode AU: s02e12 Army of Ghosts, Episode: s02e12 Army of Ghosts, Episode: s02e13 Doomsday, F/M, Groundhog Day, Not Really Character Death, Post-Episode AU: s02e13 Doomsday, Regeneration, Romance, Swearing, Time Loop, Time Lord Victorious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-04-05 08:44:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 51,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14040492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: The Doctor if forced to relive the day he lost Rose over and over again.  Each time he tries to change the outcome.  Each time the failures grow worse and madness threatens to overwhelm him.  Until, he finally realizes only one thing can save both he and Rose.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is quite angsty at first. It's also 100% from Ten's POV. There will be several loops through these two eps, each will be slightly different with a different outcome. It's intended to be like Groundhog's Day in that each time the Doctor wakes up, he's back at the beginning of the day. I hope you like it and thanks for reading!
> 
> Big thank you to the ever talented Hellostarlight20 for betaing for me. Although, all mistakes are mine since I tinkered after she looked at it.
> 
> Also thanks to Fleuredeneuf who tossed out a title idea that led me to my current title. She got my brain thinking!

Roaring winds ripped at the Doctor’s clothing as he curled his fingers around the magna clamp.  Squinting against the torrent of wind and debris flying toward the Howling, he sought out Rose.

His hearts raced as he captured her gaze, defiant and determined. 

But then the ever-important lever near Rose, one half the controls to open the breech between universes, fell toward the off position.  The whirlwind of suction eased as the gap into the Void weakened, shrinking the opening. Panic clawed through him at the sound of a Dalek screeching  _ Exterminate _ .

“Offline,” a computer voice calmly announced.  He had to fix this. A hundred possibilities and timelines pounded in his temples.

All air left his lungs as Rose let go of the magna clamp to grab the lever. 

“I've got to get it upright!” She called out, eyes squinting as her hair still whipped around her face.

Terror shivered him to his core as the Void reached outward to devour all.

Rose succeeded to click it back in position and grinned at him, her eyes reflecting bravery and strength stretching outward toward him.  He could almost feel his timeline tangled in hers.

“Online and locked.” The computer voice ominously called out.

The pressure pressed against his ears, built, as the Void consumed Daleks, Cybermen and remnants of Torchwood flying deep into the Howling.  His hearts stuttered as Rose struggled to keep a firm grip on the magna clamp, her fingers slipping in the turmoil around her.

“Rose, hold on! Hold on!” He could barely hear his own voice in the screaming wind.  His mind focused on Rose and the tentative telepathic connection he shared with her, willing her to strengthen her grip and resist the vacuum of the vortex consuming all around them.

A sharp pain like a dagger plunged into the back of his head broke his concentration.  An evil, dark presence tightened its grip on his chest as Rose floated in the air, fingers clamped around the lever, fighting against the grasp of the Void. 

_ The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon.  _ A rough voice chuckled in his mind.

“No!  Get out of my mind.” He eyed the Void and realized something lurked within, something with its mind set on destruction, him and Rose. 

“I won’t let you!”

His voice stolen by the wind, his mind screamed, rattling time itself when Rose’s fingers slipped from the handle and she tumbled toward the nothingness and cold depths of the Void.

Locked in terror, his body icy and helpless, one thought niggled in his mind:   _ Let Go.  Fall with her. _

Pete flashed into the room, eyes wide.  Rose flew into his arms. Wrapped around each other in the howling winds, the two glanced at the Doctor before disappearing in a flash.  The hole between universes collapsed in on itself, plugging the gap. 

Pressure equalized even as the Doctor’s ears rang.  Then, silence. Except for the thump as his trainers hit the ground.  A consuming and muffled emptiness carved out a place in his mind. 

The loneliness, the empty space Rose once filled, chilled him beyond the physical sense.  His mind acknowledged the events in a Time Lord way of analyzing and calculating data. The emotional wound of loss oozed even as he wandered forward to the sterile white wall where the black whole of the Void once existed. 

His palm pressed against the surface, he stretched out with his mind, absorbing every vibration of subatomic particles and checked the solidity of the sealed breach.  His control remained brittle as emotions raged against the Universe and time itself. 

Rose wouldn’t want that, reason inserted.  He focused on an image of her smiling face and deep brown eyes that pierced his Time Lord reason deep into the emotions he fought to control.  Emotions, she often reminded him, couldn’t be repressed or ignored, or what was the point of the Universe? Rose cared and the Universe had been better for it.

Now she was gone. 

His reserve, his compassion and ability to be the better man she made him, shattered.  He pressed his temple against the wall fighting back stinging tears, seeking out one last grasp at Rose’s mind.  For a moment, a brief Universe-collapsing moment, a warm tendril of her mind brushed against his. 

The agony of loss shared between them, he tried to be brave and comforting pushing that feeling with all his might through the last gap.  The final stinging snap against his mind as the pin hole closed nearly drove him mad.

He backed away, hands tearing into his scalp.  It wasn’t fair. 

He tore through Torchwood, half mad, laying waste to anything he could grasp, kicking at equipment, causing explosions even amidst the chaos that already existed.  His pain raced from him into the building, shaking it until dust rained down. It wasn’t until he watched a survivor, a secretary, clinging to a chair, blood coating her face, stare at him in horror and begging for her life that he stopped.

She was blonde and afraid.  Of him. The heaviness consuming him lifted.  He was no better than a Dalek. Memories of the Time War, voices shouting out, cursing and condemning him reminded him of what Rose had eased.  Oh, he looked less menacing, tall, thin, wearing a suit and charming smile but within was the same man who stood and watched Arcadia burn.

Rose never gave up on him.  She pushed, fought him, made him confront himself, his feelings and purpose.  Rose might be gone but her essence embedded into his mind. 

She wasn’t dead.  She lived. 

His throat ached as the reminder burned into his chest.  Yes, his Rose lived and always would to him. Brave and fearless, she would make that other Universe better and she wasn’t alone.  He clung to that thought as he turned away from the frightened woman and tread silently back to his TARDIS.

One thing remained.  The ache of uncertainty.  Could he find a way through to her?  In the time his people existed, it was possible.  But could one lone Time Lord accomplish that? 

The logical part of him scoffed.  Universal barriers were tricky and fragile things requiring much more than one half-mad Time Lord to traverse.  And he couldn’t endanger her life with his tinkering. He wouldn’t risk that even if he risked his life.

The TARDIS rattled and groaned restlessly as she dematerialized.  His ship shook and groaned as they settled into the vortex. There was no peace even for her.

“Universal eddies.  Sorry, Old Girl.” He patted the console and scrubbed at his face.  Every bit of energy drained, his body weighted down. Daleks and Cybermen and the almost cataclysmic end to the Universe took its toll.

He collapsed against the jump seat. 

“We need to run some calculations, check stability and look for any other fissures or cracks.”

The TARDIS time rotor pulsed once.

“I’m sorry.”  He swallowed hard.  “I know you’re spent fighting against the Void and imbalance as the Universes crumble.”  His eyelids drooped. “Maybe a kip. Just a short one,” he slurred as exhaustions plunged his mind into a sleep he didn’t think he needed.

###############

“Doctor?”  He jumped up, dizzy waves assaulting his senses as he fought off foggy images of a nightmare. 

“Rose!”  Overwhelmed by his nightmare of loss, he lunged at her standing next to him.  He wrapped her in his arms and buried his face in her neck, inhaling the warm scent of her floral shampoo. So warm and alive and here. She giggled and squeezed her arms around him.

“What’s that for?” she asked.

He pulled back and took in her dazzling smile.  A nightmare of pain lingered even as the details blurred.  All he knew was an empty ache in his chest vanished. He shrugged it off.

“Oh, you know, for the TARDIS and tea and oh those lovely biscuits you baked the other night,” he quickly answered and spun away to focus on the console.  He was fine. Everything was spiffy, molto bene even. 

“So, Mum’s?  Got my laundry set,” she announced, taking her place at the console and eyeing a duffle bag in the corner.

“You know the TARDIS could take care of that.”  Said ship whined and pulsed. 

“Doctor, that’s not fair. I would never ask the TARDIS to do my laundry.”  She patted the console. “She’s busy enough keeping your trainers clean.” She directed a tongue teasing smile at him even as he sniffed at her teasing.

“Besides, Mum likes doing it.  She gets worried I won’t come home.”

“I would never let that happen.  I’ll always take you back to Jackie whenever you want.”  A shiver coursed up his spine at the words. And a niggling uneasiness prickled the back of his neck.

Rose distracted him with her recently gained knowledge on TARDIS flight.  Warmth and pride at how well and quickly she learned the controls swelled in him.  Well, she did with a few minor oops-we-almost-destroyed-the-Vortex-incidents, but nothing he couldn’t fix. 

_ Fix _ …that thought flashed mauve in his mind but only for a microsecond.  He needed to do a self-check. Maybe he’d ingested something in that last market that was affecting his body chemistry?

The TARDIS landed with a softer thump than normal.  At the doors, he hesitated, a foreboding tightening in his chest.

“Something is off with you,” Rose commented behind him, shifting her duffle bag on her shoulder, narrowing her eyes on him.  “You’re normally the first one bouncing out the door. You feeling all right?”

“What? No, fine.  Just thinking is all.  You know how dangerous that can be.”  He wrapped his knuckles on the door and hesitated.  Rose brushed by, casting him an odd look. The Doctor shrugged off the tight misgiving and strode out, long brown coat flaring about him.

The sound of children’s laughter and a sunny day greeted him.  Along with a stomach twisting sensation of wrongness. But why?  He sniffed the air. Smacked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.  Just a normal London afternoon.

Rose laced her fingers with his and any concern vanished as her mind teased at the edges of his.  She tended to have that effect on him as they bounced and skipped their way to her mum’s.

But then it happened again, an odd feeling like a shadow hovering just behind him.  It slithered across his senses amidst sloppy Jackie kisses as Rose dashed off smiling at his discomfort.  He wiped his mouth and followed her into the flat again, wondering why everything felt just a bit off.

“Mum, I've got loads of washing for you. And I got you this.”  Rose handed Jackie her bag and presented Jackie with the alien metal trinket. A heart pounding desire to grab Rose and run overwhelmed him even as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and smiled warmly at Jackie. 

His gaze landed on her hoody, light blue and it left him suddenly hating it, wanting to rip it off and toss it into a black hole.  How odd. It was just Earth standard clothing. Or was it? He strolled around the living room wondering if he could sneakily sonic her.

“It's from the market on this asteroid bazaar. It's made of, er, what's it called?”  Rose continued and looked at him for an answer. His throat worked hard before he spit out a word that tasted sour.

“Bazoolium.”

“Bazoolium,” she repeated with an enthusiasm he did not share.  “When it gets cold, it means it's going to rain. When it's hot, it's going to be sunny. You can use it to tell the weather.” Rose beamed as she showed it to Jackie, missing how the Doctor stilled, gaze glued on an item he might call cursed if he believed in curses, which he didn’t. 

“I've got a surprise for you too,” Jackie announced setting it aside.

“Oh, I get her bazoolium, she doesn't even say thanks,” Rose quipped. 

The Doctor shoved a hand in his pocket, fingers wrapped around the sonic.  Rose seemed oblivious to how the air shifted and the wrongness pounding him between the eyes.

“Guess who's coming to visit?” Jackie asked. “You're just in time. He'll be here at ten past. Who do you think it is?

“I don't know,” Rose answered casually as she peered around the kitchen.

“Oh, go on, guess,” Jackie insisted.

The Doctor’s stomach soured.  Again, his feet itched to run as if the answer would end the Universe.  And it wasn’t like he hadn’t been around for a few Universe-ending riddles.  He sidled up to Rose just in case.

“No, I hate guessing. Just tell me,” she responded with a slight annoyed pitch.  Maybe she did feel something off?

“It's your granddad. Granddad Prentice. He's on his way any minute. Right, cup of tea!”  Jackie disappeared into the kitchen.

Tea!  That’s what he needed.  Strong Tyler Tea. Free radical and tannins to clear whatever the hell was affecting him. He breathed a tentative sigh of relief.  Until Rose frowned and tugged at his sleeve.

“She's gone mad.”  He snorted at Rose and shook out his shoulders hoping it wasn’t catching.

“Tell me something new.  Does it feel weird in here to you?”

“Doctor, Granddad Prentice, that's her dad, died, like, ten years ago. Oh, my God. She's lost it. Mum? What you just said about Granddad.” Rose followed Jackie into the kitchen. The Doctor stilled.  Dead was dead and especially after a decade. 

He sniffed the air seeking out any possible hallucinogenic substance.  Nope. Standard Earth flat, tea, dust, essence of fried food with a touch of that floral musk perfume Jackie preferred.  He shuddered at that thought.

But what if Jackie really was bonkers?  He fought back a smirk even as the hairs on the back of his neck rose at the thought Jackie really believed she saw the dead arising from their graves. He needed to focus on the facts and Rose.

And then an ethereal humanoid shape appeared in the kitchen.  Rose and Jackie both saw it and affirmed he was not, in fact, a Time Lord losing his mind.  Then again...

“Here we are, then. Dad, say hello to Rose. Ain't she grown?”

The Doctor grabbed Rose’s hand, warm, fingers curling through his and pulled her out the door racing down the stairs.  It wasn’t just Jackie. Ghosts were everywhere. The niggling feeling in his head turned into trickles of ice through his body. 

He needed to get Rose back in the TARDIS pronto.  The thought stayed with him even as she resisted wanting to talk it through with her mother. 

Déjà vu.  That’s what the humans would call the sensation of knowing, vaguely recalling, be it a word, a sound, scent or a visual.  His senses were keener and yet that’s the word that popped into his brain. A buzzing sensation remained at the back of his head like he’d heard and seen this all before.  But he needed more facts and evidence so he bit his tongue even as a mild panic clutched at his chest. 

He focused on investigating and learning when this ghost business started and worked on a plan to figure out who or what these ghosts were.  That was the odd thing. He recognized his own thought patterns as if he’d done this before. But he hadn’t. He’d know if he had. Time Lords didn’t forget unless they were damaged or did so as a matter of choice.

He couldn’t think of a reason he’d forget, didn’t feel damaged and no poison would do this ...and then it smacked him in the face.  A time loop.

He needed to sort through events until he reached a pivotal point where things would snap into place.  He didn’t want to let Rose out of his sight but she insisted on more time with Jackie and she’d meet him.  Back in the TARDIS the continual twinges, almost a mental cramp, continued. He focused on foraging for something to help him solve this temporal riddle.

“According to the paper, they've elected a ghost as MP for Leeds. Now don't tell me you're going to sit back and do nothing.”  Rose called out to him as she walked in amidst his foraging. He followed his time instinct to a storage compartment and something that might help.  He popped out with a grin.

“Who you going to call?” he playfully teased her, holding up his non-terrestrial energy detecting device.

“Ghostbusters!” Her bright smile and laughter eased away all the niggling time sensory ripples grating against his mind.  He played along, needing to lighten things as something shadowy in the distance hovered, threateningly.

“I ain't afraid of no ghosts.,” The minute he spoke the words, he regretted them and not because they were silly.  Another piece of the puzzle clicked into place like gears on a clock ticking away toward doomsday even as he set up his equipment outside.

Later, the moment Jackie stepped into the TARDIS, it was like claxon alarms going off.  But why? There was nothing ominous about Jackie’s timeline, not that he could see it clearly. He tried to avoid thinking too hard on why her time line muddled since she helped Rose break into his TARDIS with a big yellow truck.  Maybe he should have been more worried. 

After a bit of ghost jiggery pokery, trapping and testing said ghost, he raced back into the TARDIS to track the source of the very not ghost-like creatures.

“Allons-y!” he shouted, dropping equipment and racing for the console and initiated the dematerialization sequence and set coordinates to track the ghosts signal. 

“I like that. Allons-y. I should say allons-y more often,” he babbled in an attempt to suppress the slight tremor of his fingers on the controls.  “Allons-y. Watch out, Rose Tyler. Allons-y. And then, it would be really brilliant if I met someone called Alonso, because then I could say, allons-y, Alonso, every time. You're staring at me.”

“My mum's still on board.” She said pressing her lips together against a smile he knew was attempting burst forth.  His head rolled to the side and oh this was very not good.

“If we end up on Mars, I'm going to kill you.”  Jackie sat with arms crossed glaring at him. Another heavy thud pounded in his head and recognition twisted his stomach.  He withdrew into himself, nodding distractedly and focused on their landing.

The TARDIS landed softly but not without a change in her telepathic field, a tremble against his mind like she knew something was about to happen.  But what did she know? He felt familiarity with events and thickening of tension squeezing all around him. But he couldn’t see the outcome. If this was a time loop, he should know, he’d remember.

“Doctor?” Rose squeezed is shoulder.  He turned to her with a huge smile hiding the fear pounding with each beat of his hearts.

“Right, time to find our source!”  He thumped a screen and an image popped up.  They were surrounded by armed troops.

“Oh well there goes the advantage of surprise. Still, cuts to the chase. Stay in here, look after Jackie,” he said it casually but it held much deeper meaning.

“I'm not looking after my mum.” Irritation mixed with understanding.  Of course, she didn’t want to be locked away. She was his Rose.

“Well, you brought her,” he retorted knowing an argument would be useless with the fiery glint in her eyes.  If there was one universal truth, it was Rose Tyler made up her own mind. 

“I was kidnapped!” Jackie insisted, sliding off the support strut, she’d settled on earlier.  Rose plastered herself, back against the door blocking him in.

“Doctor, they've got guns.”  She bit her bottom lip and eyed him, sussing him up. 

They trusted each other and often faced those bent on violence.  And he’d noticed, of late, how much more protective she’d become of him even though she knew he had the superior physiology to survive an attack.  That didn’t matter to her. He swallowed back that thick emotion that so often choked him. He knew why. It was the same reason he’d felt more protective of her as well.  Time for a distraction.

“Yes, they do. And I haven't. Which makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine.”

He quickly stepped outside and raised his arms.  A tall brown-haired woman in a black suit and high heels ran through the armed guards

“Oh! Oh, how marvelous. Oh, very good. Superb. Happy day,” she bubbled forth with enthusiasm and then she started applauding him followed by the soldiers. 

The Doctor lowered his arms.  At least he was right and he did have the moral high ground but why greet him with guns in the first place if they were some type of fan club? He sort of internally chuckled at that.  Wouldn’t be the first time.

“Err, thanks. Nice to meet you. I'm the Doctor,” he acknowledged just to be sure they knew who he was.  Although, the thought of someone else arriving with his TARDIS like a rock star might have prickled his ego.

“Oh, I should say. Hurray!” The woman agreed

“You, you've heard of me, then?” Best to affirm and especially with the potential for a time loop.

“Well of course we have. And I have to say, if it wasn't for you, none of us would be here. The Doctor and the TARDIS.”  She led more applause

“And you are?” he asked, glancing around at crates and a few items of exterrestial nature that left him on edge.

“Oh, plenty of time for that,” she waved off. “But according to the records, you're not one for travelling alone. The Doctor and his companion. That's a pattern, isn't it, right? There's no point hiding anything. Not from us. So, where is she?”  He kept a pleasant expression on his face but every muscle tensed. 

“Yes. Sorry. Good point. She's just a bit shy, that's all.”  Now he understood why Jackie was aboard. He reached in through the slightly open door and grabbed her.  “Here she is, Rose Tyler.” 

Amusement threatened to bubble up at the Jackie Tyler glare-of-death.  He would use this to his advantage. “Hmm. She's not the best I've ever had. Bit too blonde. Not too steady on her pins. And just last week, she stared into the heart of the Time Vortex and aged fifty-seven years. But she'll do.”

“I'm forty,” Jackie retorted.

“Deluded. Bless,” he teased, eyeing the now barely cracked open TARDIS door.  “I'll have to trade her in. Do you need anyone? She's very good at tea. Well, I say very good, I mean not bad. Well, I say not bad. Anyway, lead on. Allons-y. But not too fast. Her ankle's going.”  He held back a smirk as his friendly oppressors seemed to swallow the lie. And he glanced at Rose, peeking out. No need to worry. He had Rose as back-up. 

“I'll show you where my ankle's going,” Jackie threatened as they strolled away, allowing Rose a chance to slip out and blend in.

Walking through what he soon learned was Torchwood, an echo or reverberation from his past actions plummeted him into a state of adrenalin pumping edginess.  Soon he was able to anticipate conversations. And the name Torchwood sat heavy in the air. Where did he know that name from?

Yvonne Hartman’s name boiled his blood.  She dripped with arrogance and a cocky lust for power, but it was so much worse as events spun out of control.  The sight of the gold sphere was like being shot between his hearts. Another tick closer to the elusive doom which he now sensed like a tidal wave rising up before him, about to consume him and everyone around him.

And then there was Rose locked in a room with an impossible sphere, a Void ship, a vessel designed to exist outside time and space, travelling through the Void.  The significance shook him to his core.

It took every bit of self-control not to drop to the floor in the wash of time lines setting his time sense on fire.  Save Rose. Save Jackie. Stop Torchwood. Save the Earth. Run. Thoughts repeated, battering at him like a cacophony of shrieking notes from an orchestra in chaos.

An unauthorized ghost shift caused time to thrum around him, whipping up in a frenzy, pushing and pulling him to a moment of reckoning, the moment when the time loop would tighten and possibly snap.  Grimly, he clenched his jaw after watching Yvonne begin to reap the tragedy she sowed. He pulled out his sonic with resignation to follow the signal of alien technology.

“What's down here?” he stared at plastic encased section of the building not far from the lever room and Yvonne’s office.

“I don't, I don't know. I think it's building work. It's just renovations.” Yvonne still tried to act in control.

“You should go back.” Deep in his time sense, he felt the tremor of Yvonne’s timeline.  One decision is all it would take to alter her fate. She had a chance to make things right.

“Think again,” she announced with a flick of her hair.  He turned away and stepped through plastic sheeting and wondered what would have happened if she had turned back.  His gut twisted with a certainty she repeated another mistake.

“What is it? What's down here?” Yvonne demanded as Jackie silently followed.

“Ear pieces, ear pods,” he noted.  “This world's colliding with another, and I think I know which one.” Figures appeared behind plastic curtains. Again, the Doctor felt the tremors of time lines snapping.

“What are they?”

“They came through first. The advance guard.”  Death always had a certain sensation as it gripped and consumed timelines of the living.  It swirled and flowed over this place. This part of events was a fixed point. The figures ripped the plastic sheets, metal clanking footsteps heralding the death that would follow.

The ra-tat-tat of gunfire echoed like nails in a coffin.  At the moment all he could do was ignore each pound against his timeline as he neared each moment in flux, the moment which the course of this timeline could alter.

“We surrender.”  He nudged everyone around him to do the same and the Cybermen marched them back to the control room.  The Cybermen opened the gap in universes for their army but there was one anomaly.

“Sphere activated. Sphere activated. Sphere activated. Sphere activated,” a

computer voice repeated.

“But I don't understand,” He faced the clunky form of the invaders.  “The Cybermen don't have the technology to build a Void Ship. That's way beyond you. How did you create that sphere?

“The sphere is not ours,” they responded in their mechanical voice. 

“What?” Another ominous and echoing tock on this timeline.  Despite his binary cardiovascular system, all the blood seemed to rush from his head.

“The sphere broke down the barriers between worlds. We only followed. Its origin is unknown,” the Cyberman continued.

“Then what's inside it?” Dread washed through him and he broke out in a cold sweat.

“Rose is down there,” Jackie reminded him not that he needed that reminder.  And then a memory struck to his core.  _ The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon. _

The Doctor usually didn’t mind things spinning out of control.  That was the fun part. Except in a time loop with a hulking, dark, terrible future event looming and snickering at him.  He was very much not amused by whatever shadowy force made sure he knew it watched and waited. His gut told him it fed on this reoccurring time line and how it tightened in a noose around his neck.

When Daleks entered the mix, the gloves were off.  Daleks locked in a room with Rose. Daleks threatening the Earth.  Daleks fighting with Cybermen over said Earth. And Daleks intent on killing everyone.

Soon, Jackie and Yvonne were taken by the Cybermen and time lines snapped into place in a gruesome and final manner.  He flinched and gasped. Madness vibrated in his core.  _ Do something.  Move. Stop all of this.  Find Rose. Run. Find Rose.  Don’t lose her. _

On the cusp of meeting a grim Cyberman death, the Doctor found himself saved by Jake Simmons from the parallel Earth.  Madness mixed with resignation and acceptance even as a fire raged in the back of his mind, screaming at him to be a Time Lord and take control.

Even reuniting with Rose, saving her from Daleks, Pete Tyler’s appearance and his reunion with Jackie didn’t break the spell of catastrophe squeezing around him.  The Doctor reacted and responded automatically. Part of him just knew he’d lost the chance to alter the time line, change this destiny. If only he had known, untangled the puzzle earlier, before…he didn’t know what.

Three-D glasses, Daleks, Void stuff, Cybermen, what the Dalek’s call the Ark, dimension hopper, send Rose away and heart ache spin through his mind. 

_ I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm never going to leave you.  _

Rose spoke words of hope but there was no hope, just the eventuality of loss.  Minutes and seconds ticked almost as if consumed. Maybe this awareness was his punishment?

The moment Rose touched the magna clamps, the time loop locked into place.  There was nothing he could do but watch. At least, that’s what he convinced himself.  Maybe he was the one punishing himself as he lost her one more time. He repeated the motions, frozen, yet raging.  A white wall, fury against Torchwood, revelation, pain, guilt and finally, running. After all, running is what he did best even if her hand was no longer in his.

Again, he dematerialized his TARDIS from Torchwood with the same results. 

The TARDIS rattled and groaned restlessly as if expressing her disappointment in him.  He failed to save Rose. Or maybe she was better off there than with a rubbish Time Lord unable to detect a Time Loop, analyze the components and calculate why he was in it or how to stop it.

The TARDIS heaved and tumbled, sending him flying backwards. 

That was different. He didn’t remember this part. The Doctor flailed, trying to grip a strut or the railing.  Unable to grasp either, he flew through the air. His head banged on the metal grating. 

“Please,” he begged fighting off the blanket of darkness consuming his consciousness.

“If this is a time loop, just one more chance.”  One last glance at the time rotor pulsing in rhythm to his hearts, and then darkness.

“Doctor?”  

He gasped awake, squinting at the lights shining from the rafters. 

“Doctor, are you all right?  Say something?” 

The scent of tea and flowers, Venusian lilies and jasmine, permeated his senses until he focused on whiskey-colored eyes reflecting worry.

“Rose.”

“I found you on the floor.”

He sat up and yanked her into his arms.  _ Rose _ . The words  _ time loop _ pounded in his temples.  Fragmented memories cracked and crumbled in his mind, leaving him with a TARDIS-sized headache and one determined thought.

Fix this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Thanks to Hellostarlight20 although I changed it a lot after she saw it so all mistakes are on me :) Thank you so much for reading. Again, a warning that characters die in this only to reappear in the next time loop. This also delves a bit into Time Lord Victorious.

“Did you hit your head?” Rose asked as he pulled her flush against his chest, so soft, warm and Rose. He reveled in the sensation of her heart beat against his chest even through his many layers.

Reluctantly, he released her, bumping his nose against hers, taking in every detail, warm brown eyes, full lips, flushed cheeks with the hint of tea on her breath.

“Are you okay?” She asked, her brow furrowed. His eyes fluttered shut at the gentle caress of her fingers through his hair.

“Maybe we should check you out in med bay?”

“Nonsense!” he answered. His eyes snapped open as he quickly sprang up, dragging Rose with him. 

“I’m as fit as a fiddle and right as rain!” he babbled.

He released her hand, sprinting toward the console to put some distance between them. He could barely resist the temptation to wrap himself and his timelines around her. Not that it would do any good. It wasn’t like he had that kind of power. 

Liar, a silky voice softly taunted in his mind. You could, you know you could. He shrugged it away just like he turned from Rose…before he did far more than snuggle her.

“Now then, where to next? I know! The Fizzy Fluorescent Falls of Fretawn! They’re so effervescent,” he teased. A heaviness pressed around him as his hands hovered over controls to set coordinates.

“Now, I know you’re okay,” Rose quipped and leaned a hip against the console. “Avoiding a visit with my mum.”

Head down turned, he slyly glanced at the duffle bag of laundry off to the side. Earth, the Powell Estate—where a time loop, and not a fun one, lay in waiting. Again, his mind grasped at the details of the loop, elusive and slipping out of his reach. One thing remained clear: dread. The strong sense of events and the outcome of loss weighed on him even if he still couldn’t see the particulars.

“Doctor, we haven’t visited in ages and I have laundry,” Rose reminded him. 

“You know the TARDIS could take care of that.” He winced as the familiar words fell from his lips. He needed to be more careful. One wrong word or action could start the loop prematurely or fix its course. 

Fix it. The words seemed to burn into his brain. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at his right eye. 

“Doctor, that’s not fair. I would never ask the TARDIS to do my laundry.” His eyes flew open as Rose patted the console. 

“She’s busy keeping my trainers clean.” He spoke before she could, already knowing the pattern of this discussion. Rose’s mouth gaped and she blinked at him.

“How did you know I was gonna say that?” She cocked her head to the side and sidled over to him.

“You’re acting—”

“Like a Time Lord about to take his companion to her mum’s for laundry!” He interrupted and quickly began setting course. 

“All right, for now,” Rose agreed and helped him pilot, although she kept giving him worried glances. 

Every movement she made struck a familiar chord in him. They piloted together in unison like a well-practiced dance. Maybe because they’d done this so many times in other time loops. Patterns, that’s what he needed to pay attention to. 

Intuitively, he knew their actions and words were not exactly the same. Words they’d spoken before were missing. Something about Jackie enjoying doing Rose’s laundry and him promising to always bring her home to her mum. But not this time.

The TARDIS landed with a pointed thud emphasized with the telepathic equivalent of a thump on his head. He glared up at the time rotor as he reached for the monitor to check their surroundings. Caution was the word of the day.

“Something is off with you,” Rose commented and crossed her arms, her gaze drilling into his head.

“Rose, I promise you I’m fine, molto bene.” His cheeks hurt from the smile he plastered on his face in contradiction to the apprehension clawing at his chest. Lies festered like open wounds but fear prevented him from telling her the truth. She might make things worse with knowledge of future events. Time tended to be a jealous mistress with her secrets and with fixed points. Better not to tempt fate.

“Yeah, and that’s why you flew the TARDIS—” She bit her lip, face screwed up as she searched for a word. “Conservatively,” she finally spoke enunciating her final word, with raised eyebrows, and a touch of insult.

“What?” he sputtered. “I did not!” She grinned at his response, seemingly pleased she’d gotten a reaction. 

“I didn’t,” he insisted with a finger wave. “I’m the same perfectly brash and impulsive pilot and you, Rose Tyler, are winding me up.” 

She hefted up her bag and bumped her shoulder against his.

“Just making sure.” Her smile ebbed slightly. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, yeah?”

He swallowed hard at how her eyes softened with concern, and his mind buzzed with the gentle telepathic empathy she unknowingly wrapped around him. He looked over her shoulder at the door.

“Course, I would.”

“Doctor,” she sighed.

He escaped further question, dashing for his coat. When he spun around, she’d beaten him to the door, which again resonated through him as if his sonic was on setting 45Alpha B to tune temporal couplings. His throat dry and thick with foreboding at what lay outside, he followed her.

He was greeted by shouts of children playing. Gravitating toward Rose, he magnetically slipped his fingers through hers, enjoying the warmth of her palm against his. He tried to ignore the dread pounding with each beat of his hearts. Even the sun seemed to send a message burning into his back like the heat from a Dalek’s…No. 

Trainers slapping against the pavement, he rejected that thought. There were no Daleks. Or Cybermen. His breath caught. Where did that thought come from? He tightened his grip on Rose’s hand hurrying her toward her mother’s flat. 

They arrived at the door and a flash of the previous loop stopped him short.

“Doctor?” Rose’s hand rested on the door knob. “I wish you’d tell me why you’re acting weird. It’s not an invasion is it?” She peered out the breezeway, looking up at the sky.

A grin burst forth banishing any skin-crawling time loop sensation. His Rose was on point.

“We aren’t that lucky,” he suggested and winked.

“Come on.” She pulled him inside and called for her mother.

As Jackie and Rose hugged and chatted, he dashed away toward the living room. A flashback—or was that flash forward?—slowed his progress. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve at a brief image of his face wet with sloppy kisses. 

He’d changed things. A thrill shivered down his spine. Except, he still felt the shadow, the loss to come still hovered. The sensation of time lines growing taught and a world about to change rolled across him like a storm front.

He heard Rose talking but it was like an echo. He blinked and snapped back in focus.

“It's from the market on this asteroid bazaar. It's made of, er, what's it called?” Rose continued and looked at him for an answer. Time slowed around him as the word caught in his throat. It was a cheap Time Lord trick and not one he did on purpose. Almost like a ripple against his time line…

“Bazoolium.” Time moved normally as the word cut through the air.

“Bazoolium,” she repeated but she paused slightly and frowned before she shrugged and continued. “When it gets cold, it means it's going to rain. When it's hot, it's going to be sunny. You can use it to tell the weather.”

His body locked. She shouldn’t sense the repetition. But she did even if she didn’t recognize that knowledge. Things definitely were changing. But would it be enough?

“I've got a surprise for you too,” Jackie announced setting aside the bazoolium. 

Rose’s brow furrowed, and she stared across the flat before shaking it off. “I get her bazoolium, she doesn't even say thanks.” Her voice remained flat but she rubbed her arms as if warding off a chill.

The Doctor stilled, drilling down into his time sense, mining for clues. The world around him muffled except for sounds, echoes from time: A Cyberman’s clanking footstep, Daleks’ shrieks and his voice talking about a Void ship. 

“Go on, guess,” Jackie insisted. He startled at her voice.

The air turned stale and tasted metallic across his tongue as the two women faced each other. Rose’s agitation showed as she tugged on her gold hoop earring and frown lines marred her face.

“No, I hate guessing. Just tell me.”

He didn’t miss the bite to her voice or the slight elevation in her heart rate. This went beyond impatience. He moved closer to her. Jackie’s words already played out in his mind.

“It's your granddad. Granddad Prentice. He's on his way any minute. Now then, cup of tea!” Jackie disappeared into the kitchen.

“She’s not mad,” he inserted before Rose could say it. He didn’t flinch as she dug her fingers into his arm.

“How did you—” She trailed off, releasing his arm and tugging a hand through her hair glancing at her mum preparing tea before leaning in close to him.

“Don’t think we aren’t going to talk about pulling words out of my head.” She directed a pointed look that any other time he would have joked about being reminiscent of her mum. Now was not the time.

“The point of this is Granddad Prentice, that's her dad, died, like, ten years ago.” Rose turned back toward her mother.

“Rose, your mother might be a bit of a nutter but that doesn’t mean she’s lost her mind. She’s just…Jackie.” Rose rolled her eyes and pursued her mother into the kitchen.

The air shifted and the hairs on his hand stood on end. The ethereal humanoid shape didn’t even surprise him. 

“Here we are, then. Dad, say hello to Rose. Ain't she grown?”

Rose backed up and sought his hand in a death grip.

“Outside, now.” He already knew what they’d find. The fog of future events cleared ever so slightly. 

Despite knowing they would find ghosts or whatever they were everywhere, the Doctor couldn’t escape a clammy feeling settling into an icy lump in his stomach. The racing thud of Rose’s pulse spurred on his instincts. He needed to get her back to the TARDIS.

Again, a pang of familiarity washed over him. Had he done this before, taken Rose to the TARDIS? Or maybe he hadn’t, and that’s why this sudden urge pounded in the back of his head? Doubts and indecision tormented him. Decisions, he had to make them. Leave or stay. Go the TARDIS or stay with Jackie?

He ground his teeth at this dilemma, not one he often experienced. He always knew what to do and did it. Sometimes he did the opposite just for the hell of it but the point was, he just sprang into action. He didn’t waffle.

Rose decided for him. Back to her mum’s, a quick review of the telly and the only thing he knew for certain, was the entities weren’t ghosts and everyone should worry. 

He had to determine what the non-ghosts were. That was something tangible he could do. And yet, again, the repetitiveness of that thought felt like he just fell into a well-etched groove.

He hated it.

“I need some equipment in the TARDIS.”

“I’m staying with mum. I can’t leave her knowing these things are around.” He sighed and scrubbed at his face but there was no changing her mind once her jaw set, she crossed her arms and gave him the Tyler stare.

“I don’t like leaving either of you,” he admitted. “We both know these aren’t ghosts.”

“It’s an invasion.” Rose spoke the words hanging in the air. A hand came to her mouth. “Why do I feel so certain about that?”

“Because you’re intuitive and brilliant.” He eyed Jackie watching them. “Come gave me a hand after you—” He bit his tongue after receiving yet another Tyler glare and this one not so forgiving. “Sort things here,” he finished and escaped.

The walk back to the TARDIS felt slow, like a nightmare elongating the route. But he was wide awake. All the more reason to solve the ghost question. Maybe solving it now was the key to preventing catastrophe later?

Repetition followed him. Rose in the TARDIS. Ghostbusters. Trapping the entity. Jackie on board and then the unfortunate greeting at the source of the ghost signal.

“Doctor, they've got guns.” Rose’s voice hesitated briefly.

The Doctor smiled in return, to put her at ease but also in response to how she inherently responded to the repetition. Or, maybe it was that intangible connection they seemed to share conveying his wariness to her? Or, was it her fiercely protective nature asserting itself? He couldn’t deny he loved it when she challenged him.

“Yes, they do have guns,” he answered with a lightness he didn’t feel. “And I haven't. Which makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine.”

She glared at his pronouncement and he escaped the TARDIS before she could argue further.

Met with an array of weapons, he raised his arms and waited. An itch of expectation ticked away at him until the tall brown-haired woman in suit and high heels ran through the armed guards

“Oh! Oh, how marvelous. Oh, very good. Superb. Happy day!”

He frowned at her enthusiasm and a smile that seemed a touch sinister.

“Maybe not,” he answered cautiously. “I’m the Doctor.” He spoke slowly and fought the words that burst free even as he wanted to stop them. 

Applause echoed. He winced at the sound and again flashed to an ominous clanking noise. He blinked and lowered his arms eyeing the woman. The name Yvonne slithered across his mind leaving his stomach soured whilst simultaneously a storm began crackling inside of him.

“Oh, I should say so. Hurray!” Yvonne agreed.

Time seemed to speed up. He checked his time sense as he yanked Jackie out of the TARDIS and used her to distract Yvonne, who had yet to reveal her name. He knew she would eventually. As she proudly led he and Jackie away, he glanced back at Rose and slightly shook his head hoping she’d stay inside.

But she was his Rose, stubborn, determined to save him and investigate. He should have known better and especially given her mother was with him. Rose wouldn’t be contained or locked away from danger. Deep inside, he trembled with fear. A hearts-clenching panic pounded in him to keep her away from this place. His instincts to protect Rose remained firm. They tumbled toward pain and loss. He had to find some thread in the loop he could unravel to change the course of events.

“You know, all those times I've been on Earth, I've never heard of you,” he mentioned, hoping Yvonne might reveal something he could use.

“But of course not. You're the enemy. You're actually named in the Torchwood Foundation Charter of 1879 as an enemy of the Crown,” Yvonne revealed with a hint of nonchalance. But what she said struck a chord.

“1879. That was called Torchwood, that house in Scotland,” he said, mind racing as something dark and ominous snickered at him from the future.

“That's right. Where you encountered Queen Victoria and the werewolf,” Yvonne affirmed.

“I think he makes half of it up,” Jackie added and glared at hm.

“Her Majesty created the Torchwood Institute with the express intention of keeping Britain great, and fighting the alien horde.” Yvonne kept going on with zest and pride, blind to how a time line from the past constricted around the Doctor. 

A fixed point. Not just fixed, but an inciting event, like a line of dominoes.

“But if I'm the enemy, does that mean that I'm a prisoner?” the Doctor asked even as he internally raged at not anticipating this outcome from his visit in Scotland. A Time Lord should foresee future consequences of this magnitude.

But what is a fixed event to the Last of the Time Lords? His mad internal voice purred. He clamped down on that voice, one that was getting louder and more tempting each day. Then again what was a day in a time loop?

Yvonne babbled on, unaware of his internal battle or how close she stood to the raw power of a Time Lord who might be losing control…just a bit. The damage he could do was unfathomable to most sentient species. 

But you could do so much good that voice continued, speaking behind the door, slipping through the cracks.

And then came the impossible sphere, a Void ship and Rose locked in with it. Of course, she was. Where else would he find his companion with an aptitude for wandering into trouble other than near the one thing that set his teeth on edge.

One glance at the gold metallic surface caused a very real imbalance within him, one that burned hotter than the fires of a plasma storm brewing in the Horsehead Nebula. This simplified his goals into getting Rose and Jackie away from the hell about to be unleashed.

An unauthorized ghost shift burned those plans to ashes. It was also the unravelling of Yvonne. He saw it clearly just as if he were watching her life on the telly. He would offer her an out and she would decline, too caught up in her own arrogant, tiny little power-mad world.

No more delays or overthinking options. He had to make changes now. Time lines tightened around him, ready to snap. One change could save them…or snap all of them in a temporal cluster fuck of universal-imploding proportions. Why was impending universal calamity centered on Earth always on his calendar of late?

Chaos ensued following the latest ghost shift. The Doctor revealed the gruesome reality of Torchwood employees responsible. With Yvonne and Jackie trailing after him, he followed a trail that had a familiar acrid scent.

“Ear pieces, ear pods,” he noted as he explored vacant rooms under construction and oh-so-close to the ghost shift room and Yvonne’s office. “This world's colliding with another.” He paused and every muscle stiffened. Cybermen were there and would be appearing any minute.

“What are they?” Yvonne asked staring, in horror at the ear pods.

“They came through first. The advance guard.” Metal footsteps punctuated his words. Potential heartbreak cackled evilly from somewhere in the future with every clanking footstep. He surrendered as a matter of course. It was the only chance they had.

“Sphere activated. Sphere activated. Sphere activated. Sphere activated,” a computer voice repeated, a harbinger of the doom to come. A maelstrom of words and images lay just within his grasp. He needed focus on the here and now first.

“The Cybermen don't have the technology to build a Void Ship. That's way beyond you. How did you create that sphere?”

“The sphere is not ours,” they responded in their mechanical, synchronized voice. “The sphere broke down the barriers between worlds. We only followed. Its origin is unknown,” the Cyberman continued.

He didn’t ask the question curling on his tongue. Cold seeped down his spine as surely as the metal creatures existing in that Void Ship. A desperate part of him begged not to ask. Maybe that would stop everything unraveling. 

“Rose is down there,” Jackie reminded him. 

A black inkiness creeped toward him. No one else seemed to see it oozing across the floor. Tendrils crawled up the white walls until a snickering voice from his past reminded him of a pit on an impossible planet and a creature promising, The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon.

He couldn’t stop the Cybers from taking Yvonne and Jackie away; and couldn’t even stop Jake Simmons from sweeping him to a parallel Earth. From that point in the loop, adrenaline, panic and desperation drove him. Not even Jackie meeting parallel Pete and sparks flying could lighten his mood.

His past roared through him, the warrior from the Time War manifested. He refused to allow the pain looming in his future to win. Destruction and loss hovered near him, weighing down his footsteps and mocking his every action. It also spurred him on. Maybe toward madness. But this was a time loop, bound to repeat again. And it would if he didn’t solve why it was happening, or how to stop it. 

He shuddered at the similarities to the Time War. Just as he took action then, he did now. Nothing would stop him from keeping Rose safe. For some reason, Rose remained at the center of this particular storm. He still couldn’t see her future. Or Jackie’s—for some reason that eluded him. 

Was this event connecting them? It couldn’t be a familial bond. Time lines didn’t work that way. No, this was bigger and more important. He refused to think about the event that may have complicated both women’s time lines.

He needed to act. Stop the time loop.

The shrieking of the Daleks brought it all back, the reality of death and destruction they would bring to this world. He fell into line and repeated the time loop, sending Rose with Pete even knowing his attempt would fail. Except, this time, he was prepared for her return and already calculated the next alteration of events.

His hands grasped the magna clamps and everything fell into place. A manic energy coursed through him and hearts raced at his own brilliance. Such a simple solution. The cocky voice buried in his conscious applauded, Of course we are. No power in the universe can stop us.

He and Rose activated the magna clamps.

“Wait,” he shouted and raced over to her. “Take the other one.” She bit her lip and cocked her head in question. “We don’t have time,” he ordered her firmly.

She backed away, each step echoing with trust in him and them together. Yes, good. Everything proceeded as it should. Ghost shift activated and the breech between universes opened wide. They each clung to their magna clamps, debris pelting them

The Void hungered to collect its due tearing at their clothing and testing their strength. And when the lever fell, he was ready. Easy peasy!

He brought it back online. Doubt niggled at the back of his mind, but he dismissed it. He’d solved this problem. But nothing was ever that easy. He neglected to take into account how the universe liked to fuck with him. 

A Dalek slammed into Rose. His hearts stopped. She lost her grip. No! Pete appeared. The Dalek sent the three of them hurtling into the Void. Rose’s terrified look seared into his mind. The Dalek activated its defense mechanism. The charge hit Rose and Pete before they disappeared into the Howling.

He screamed unendingly until the Void closed. He fell to the floor in a heap. He screamed and screamed until his respiratory bypass kicked in. Stabbing pain wracked his body until he convulsed with it. It numbed his mind. He couldn’t look at the wall, the place where she fell. The place where she died.

His legs moved. An intangible force drew him back to the TARDIS. Maybe it was his ship initiating an emergency protocol he didn’t know about in an attempt to save her pilot? None of it matter. Numbness ebbed. Emptiness, an absence of Rose, where she’d once had a tentative connection to him was gone. Tearing and burning tore through him as he entered his ship.

He collapsed on the console. Mindlessly, he hit the dematerialization sequence. His body shook with chest crushing sobs turning into a burning rage. 

“No universe is worth this!” he shouted. 

The TARDIS hummed. He hated it. It grated on his nerves. Every thought burned like acid. In a fit of Time Lord rage he tore apart the console room. Wrenching metal, shattering coral, he tore the jump seat from the grating and tossed it down the corridor like it was nothing. 

Railing followed and then he eyed the console. He grabbed the mallet, madness clouded reason and a need to destroy compelled him onward. The TARDIS intervened with one well aimed shock between his hearts. He fell to the grating, the TARDIS’ blue light bathing tears coursing down his cheeks.

In one final sane thought, he begged for another chance.

***************  
He gasped awake gazing into the most amazing brown eyes. Fresh tears pooled as he whispered Rose’s name like a prayer.

“Hey, it’s all right,” she murmured, pulling him into her arms. He wrapped himself around her, clinging to her very warm and alive form. He whispered thank you.

“For what?” she asked with a lightness to her voice. 

“For being here with me,” he mumbled into her neck, inhaling the sweet floral scent of her shampoo. He pulled away but didn’t let her go.

“What were you doing on the floor? Did you hit your head?” She gently raked her fingers through his hair. His eyes fluttered and a sigh escaped at her touch.

“No, I…it’s not important,” he stuttered. Memories spun through his mind. Confusion. Loss. Fear. Time Loop. He refused to let them fade He focused on Rose. “All that matters is you’re here and we have another chance.”

“Another chance at what?” Her tone pitched up in that particular Rose Tyler way of saying without words, I know something’s wrong, Time Lord.

“Well, of me not, you know, blowing things up.” He crawled to his feet and held out his hand hoping he could distract her. “You know like that time I set the shoe department on fire at the Moccasonian Boudoir place.” He grabbed her hand tugging her toward the console.

“You said it was toxic fumes.” He ignored the accusation.

“Wellll toxic fumes, a little sonic mishap…it was all for the best. I mean did you see the pear ones?” He released her hand and his fingers danced over the console, circumventing any destination near Earth.

“You’re avoiding.” He stopped short as she crossed her arms. “Something’s wrong and we aren’t going anywhere until you tell me.” She reached over and flicked a few switches and turned a knob that effectively disengaged navigation.

“Not bad. You didn’t even blow a hole in the Vortex this time,” he commented.

She was getting a little too good at the controls. He lifted his head and met her very sharp gaze. The time loop was affecting both of them. He was far more aware of events. Some memories still faded but he had one big whopping head pounding dose of what was coming. And Rose was not her typical rosy self. No, she squinted, examined and acted as if the time loop grated on her nerves too.

“Stop it.” She curled her fingers around his wrist and her voice softened. “I mean it. I’m worried. I find you collapsed on the grating and you gasp awake crying and acting like it’s the end of the universe.”

He turned away, staring at how she held his wrist, enjoying the warmth and thud of her pulse against his skin.

“It was just a nightmare.”

“And you ended up on the grating how?”

She always was good at sussing out his distraction tactics.

“I was looking up at the overhead roundels and a few loose cables.” He looked upward to emphasize his tiny white lie. “See.” He pointed upward at two loose cables. He really should fix those. Thankfully, she, too, gazed upward.

“And then you just what? Took a kip? Doctor, you have grating imprint on your cheek.”

“Fine, yes I was meditating a bit and might have, fallen asleep.” He rubbed at his cheek, the pads of his fingers noting the indentations.

“This is what happens when you’re not supervised,” she tartly noted.

“Oi! Nine hundred and three-year-old Time Lord. I don’t need—” He trailed off at the stubborn look of Don’t try that on me directed at him. Yes, he knew that look well. He had been the recipient of that look as he ate jam from a jar with his fingers in someone else’s kitchen. 

“Right, you want to go home and see Jackie to do laundry.” The minute he said it, he wondered if some telepathic creature had snuck on board and taken over his voice. Why in all of fucking Gallifrey would he say that? Earth was the last place he wanted to go.

“Well that’s what you promised. Even got my laundry ready.” She eyed what the Doctor now considered the cursed bag of laundry. He pondered tossing it out into the Vortex.

“Look, I get it. You don’t want to go to Earth.” She traced her fingers over the controls, a hint of hurt inflecting her voice. He sighed knowing there was no avoiding this part of the loop.

“I know, we haven’t visited in ages and you have laundry. You would never ask the TARDIS to do your laundry, she’s too busy keeping my trainers clean and your mum likes doing it because it guarantees you come home.” He repeated it all breezily from memory.

Rose’s mouth gaped. “How did you—”

“Fine, Earth, the Powell Estate, Jackie Tyler and our doom awaits,” he snapped.

“Doom? That’s a bit melodramatic,” Rose quipped as she operated her part of the controls.

Change it. Solve the time loop. Save her. 

The words repeated in a nonstop rhythm in his head. Along with them, urges unfurled like a cat stretching and extending its claws. Yes, that insidious voice murmured, let’s dive in, fuck with the time lines and see what happens. And if we happen to enjoy a bit more intimate Rose time, all the better.

Whoa. He focused on breathing which unfortunately meant he immersed himself in essence of Rose. It curled on his tongue. He white knuckled a few controls, fighting against his emotions. His feelings for Rose had built to a point leaving him almost ready to cross a line with her. And that’s what made losing her so catastrophic.

But you don’t have to lose her. Damn that inner voice. 

No, he didn’t. That part was right. And it looked like he would be in this damnable time loop until he made that happen. He just needed to find the right combination of altered events to keep her safe.

Boring. 

He slammed the door shut on evil inner urgings and chained the door. No, he was not listening to the mad Time Lord who wanted to wield time to his mastery and enjoy his companion in very uncompanion like ways. His neck flushed as his thoughts turned to a particular juicy fantasy he’d had about her, the console and errr…no. He barricaded the mental door.

Hours later as he experienced the repetitive hell of the loop including Jackie kisses and the not-ghosts, he still managed to avoid a few key points like the ghostbusters bit. He didn’t need that part anyway. He already knew where to go: Fucking Torchwood and Yvonne the egotistical bint. 

There he was, at another boring march through Torchwood, cutting Jackie Tyler off with rude comments. 

“Here she is, Rose Tyler. Not the best I’ve ever had, a bit too blonde and not steady on her pins. I mean just last week she stared into the heart of the Time Vortex and aged fifty-seven years. Oh, wait sorry!” He paused, admiring how Jackie had bit her tongue so far so he raced onward.

“She’s forty actually and a bit deluded. I’ll have to trade her in soon. Do you need anyone?” And on he babbled as Jackie’s face flushed with anger. “Anyway, lead on. Allons-y but not too fast her ankle’s going. But don’t worry she’s about to tell me where she’s going to put her ankle if we don’t get a move on.” There that changed things.

Of course, changing meant a stinging cheek from the oncoming Tyler slap. The change wasn’t enough. Soon, he faced the Void Ship. And Rose with said Void Ship. 

“What are we going to do?” Jackie whispered as they marched toward the next point, meeting Cybermen. He groaned internally. This part was sort of boring so he livened it up a bit.

“Oh there’s always something. The universe provides and well, just go with it Jackie.”

“I’ll go with it alright,” she muttered and narrowed her eyes at him.

Casually he poked around the room. It wasn’t like he hadn’t relived this part numerous times, so after the Cybers did their threatening bit, he shoved Yvonne at the Cybers. Guards marched in firing and the Doctor grabbed Jackie and ran.

But in the chaos of screaming humans and pursuing Cybermen, he lost Jackie in a crowd. All his plans to alter events went into the Void as he was once again kidnapped to Pete’s World. Then it was a universal cluster with Daleks, finding Jackie and being shoved into the role of multiversal matchmaker. That, it would appear, was something he couldn’t change and wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

Darkness and bone tingling doom still hovered no matter how many tiny changes he made. He even added a special undo-the-slipped-lever-program to his sonic. But when push came to shove, it didn’t matter. Rose slipped from the magna clamps earlier.

A fucking Dalek flew into her again. She screamed and fell tumbling into the Void. No Pete. The snarky, satisfied evil from the Void taunted him again.

The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon.

He wouldn’t lose her to that. It didn’t get to win. He couldn’t live knowing she paid for his crimes, a misery of lingering in the Void with whatever evil tormented him until it killed her. Or was she dead already?. It didn’t matter. This was the Time War all over again and it had taken its last victim. It was time for it to end.

And by all of time and space, he would end it. For her. His fingers released from the clamp. He grabbed his sonic before he tumbled through the air toward the Void, focusing on the Howling, the thing his people feared. He opened the locked door in his mind.

A smile curled at his face as a Cyberman bounced off his shoulder. If the evil Void entity wanted pain, he would provide it by ripping it apart bit by bit the way only a Time Lord could. The whirlwind of the Void ate the mad laughter overcoming him as he aimed himself into the nothingness. 

He drew time into himself until it burned through him, coursing through his veins. He plummeted into the icy, vacuum of the space between universes, uncaring about anything but destroying the thing that mocked him, that took Rose. Power bubbled within him until he lost perspective, tumbling forward or maybe it was up or down? It wasn’t like the Void had direction or gravity. His eyes adjusted to a dim world of shadow with only the faint blue glow of his sonic to guide him. His respiratory bypass didn’t kick in. He didn’t need to breath. 

His fingers froze around the sonic as the Void took hold. It wouldn’t win. Nothing could imprison him. He was more than a time traveler, a Time Lord. He was Time’s Champion, a protector and one-time wielder of the Key to Time. Pleasure tightened deep in him as memories of how he intimately caressed the vortex from Rose reminded him how all powerful he truly was. 

A spine tingling moan sounded, like the ancient legend of Banshee calling out to the dead. Was he dead? It didn’t feel like dead or dying or even regeneration. Power glowed golden under his skin. He shattered whatever force imprisoned his body and thrust forward off a Cyberman. 

Yes, power was good, how it erased all doubts and worries and guilt. Why hadn’t he done this before? His hearts slammed in his chest as the bundle of time threatened to burst forth from his body. Not yet. Giddiness tingled in his mind. Just wait. Funny how evil got quiet just as one was about to funnel time through it and destroy it forever.

Forever. That’s what she promised him. Rose. 

As if summoned, she floated before him, golden hair a halo around her face, eyes staring sightlessly.

Grief constricted around his hearts as he crashed into her, her arms wide as if ready to embrace him. The chill of the void sank deep into him, threatening to snuff out his temporal weapon. He squinted his eyes against what he’d see through the darkness. But the cold, soft brush of lips against his cheek, couldn’t be denied. Nor could the golden flash in her eyes as suddenly they focused on him

“My Doctor.” Her lips didn’t move but her voice murmured like soft velvet wrapping around his essence. “You know what you need to do.”

“Destroy it.”

Time exploded inside him, burning, purifying, consuming him.

Her lips, glowing as golden as his skin and tasting of warmth and tea, brushed against his. “You must fix it.” He knew nothing more other than her embrace as time, burning hot and bright, consumed both of them.

********  
“Doctor?” He groaned as Rose dug her fingers into his shoulder shaking him. He opened his eyes to find himself back in his TARDIS…again. A slight tremor of time lingered as he exhaled golden tendrils. 

“Fuck,” he groaned and glared at the time rotor, his head pounding with a temporal hangover.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evil Cliffie Ending Alert. But don't worry. It's a time loop doomed to start over in Chapter 4
> 
> Big thank you to the ever talented Hellostarlight20 for betaing for me. Although, all mistakes are mine since I tinkered after she looked at it.

“Okkkayyy, that’s new.” Rose stepped back, eyeing him like a wild animal.  Maybe he was.

“Sorry.” He slipped off the jump seat and rubbed his eyes.  “I just realized—” How did he finish that sentence? He just realized they were caught in some tormenting and vicious time loop intent on destroying both of them? Or, the very least, cause heartbreak.  Or maybe he confessed how he just realized he killed them both in that last loop? 

Honesty seemed out.

“I left the plasmic tetramodular on all night.”  He dropped his hands and stared at the console. That was a rubbish excuse and he knew it.  He’d go with it anyway.

“Didn’t think there was a night on the TARDIS,” Rose teased and stepped back to lean against the console.  His breath caught as a blue and gold light haloed around her. Alive. She was alive.

The image of her eyes wide with terror as the Void consumed her haunted him.  And then there was his little jaunt into the dark side, thrusting himself into the Void after her.  And the dark side still lingered beneath the surface, stroking his neural network in an attempt to lull him into a state of complacency until all form of restraint and rules vanished. 

_ We could do so much more _ . The words tingled across his time sense in a frightfully erotic way.

He really needed to clamp down on his darker impulses.  He needed to move and not stand there in the console room watching everything unravel.  Yes, moving and doing and not giving in to the dark side, lusting for Rose and power seemed like a good plan.  Speaking of Rose, she stared at him waiting for him to answer her. Right, they were talking.

“Noooo there is no night, except when you’re asleep for hours on end leaving me bored and needing to find something to do.” He scratched the back of his neck and inched back toward the corridor.  “I should really go and turn off the thing. Be back in a tick.” He turned and quickly walked away. Yes, running was always a good option. Not that he could escape the time loop until he fixed it.  He slowed at those words. She’d told him to  _ fix it _ .

She moved faster down the corridor.  He needed a distraction and a good delay tactic seemed in order.  He had the gist of the loop now. Land on Earth. See Jackie and ghosts.  Go to Torchwood and meet Yvonne, the technology collecting harpy. Have fun with Cybermen, Pete Tyler and the Daleks.  Then everything circled the drain and he lost Rose, killed Rose or died with Rose. None of those outcomes appealed to him.

As he marched forward, trainers slapping against grating and then coral, he sensed his traitorous ship redirecting him back to the console room.  Rose had her mobile in her hand.

“Right, that’s sorted.” The lie slipped easily out.  He glared at the time rotor which pulsed innocently. His ship knew something and wasn’t sharing; or couldn’t share due to future events.  Bloody brilliant.

“So, Earth, Jackie and laundry.”  He started hitting controls making no attempt to further delay. All those attempts failed miserably and caused Rose to question him.  He really needed her not to do that. It was a distraction.

“Unless you’re not done annoying the TARDIS?”  She kept staring at her phone and frowning.

“I don’t annoy the TARDIS.”   A spark flashed. He jumped, sucking burned fingers.  Apparently, the TARDIS didn’t appreciate his attempt to set coordinates…one day in the future.  Rose smiled.

“I don’t,” he insisted.  “Even if she’s trying to interfere in my current project.”

“And does your current project get me home for laundry?”

Laundry.  He really hated laundry.  What if he tossed it into the vortex?  He’d had that thought once before. But then he looked over to find Rose watching him and biting her bottom lip like she knew something was up.

“Yes, fine, laundry.  Might as well get it over with,” he grumbled and began correctly setting coordinates.

“It’s more than laundry, you know.” Rose, pocketed her phone and flawlessly worked her part of the controls. 

“It makes your mum feel needed and assures you’ll go home to her,” he inserted.

“Yeah,” Rose said softly and her hand hesitated over a switch.  “Doctor, do you ever have déjà vu? I mean do Time Lords do that?”

“Déjà vu…the French phrase meaning literally already seen.  It’s a human perception  that  the situation currently being experienced has already been experienced in the past.  A bit like a temporal sense but hardly accurate.” He sniffed and focused on piloting.

“So it’s not real?” Rose persisted.

“I didn’t say that.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, it’s an anomaly of memory where things get a bit mucked up. You recollect an event or place or person in the past, but the present circumstances vary so you think it’s an accurate memory when it’s really your mind having a little fun with you.”

“And the other one percent?” He glanced at her, her brow furrowed, staring at the controls but not with intent.

“Humans evolve. They develop a slight sensitivity for time, or get involved with other species, time travelers, or just wander head first into some technology or time fissure and such.  Like Gwyneth and the Cardiff rift.” 

She nodded slowly, as if considering his answer.

“Yeah, I remember.  Do you think I might pick up on some of that?  Here on the TARDIS, I mean?”

He stilled.  There it was.  The big swirling mass of worry pelting and mocking him right there in his TARDIS.  He measured his words not wanting to cause her worry. He had enough for both of them.

“You’ve never shown any penchant for precognition or anticipating time lines.  Why are you asking?” He didn’t mean to sound dismissive and hard but her answer might be critical to their present problem. 

The thought of revealing their dilemma was quickly dismissed.  If she knew, her behavior might change and make things worse and he really wasn’t up to a lecture on the ethics and intricacies of repetitive temporal anomalies.

“I don’t know,” she responded, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear before running her fingers lightly over the controls.  “I just have this weird feeling, like waking you up and anticipating some of what you’re about to say. Then I got this odd text from mum about how she had a surprise for me.”

Oh shit.  That was new.  A change in the set of events.  Could be good or bad. Why did he have the sense it was bad? Really, really bad.

“A surprise.  Well with Jackie, isn’t every day a surprise.” She didn’t smile at his quasi insult.  She stared forward.

“I feel like she’s said that before,” Rose spoke slowly.  “And I almost know what’s going to happen but I don’t. Does that make sense?”

A jittery spurt of nerves struck through him.  No denying it now, Rose was changing, adapting to the loop.  He had to solve this before it drove her mad. Perhaps he already was mad, teetering on the edge of his Time Lord discipline.  One tick and he’d tip over toward unleashing his knowledge and temporal abilities on the universe.

_ Would that be so bad? _ That damnable madness asked. 

He smacked the mallet on one particular control as he shut down that unhinged voice.  Mad Rose and Mad Doctor traipsing through time was not a good idea. 

An ecstatic shiver coursed through him at thought of powerful Rose, wrapped around him, gently stroking his time as they both just let go.  He exhaled a breath and grit his teeth against the wrongness of those thoughts. He needed to calm Rose and assure her that everything wasn’t going to hell.

“I think,” he drew out.  “You haven’t seen your mum in a while and you worry about her.  And given some of her past behavior—”

“Doctor, now is not the time to have a go at my mum,” Rose snapped at him, irritability manifesting as she, too, smacked a control.

“Well the best way to solve this is to get to Earth where I’m sure we’ll find Jackie’s just going to have a new boyfriend or found a new show.”

Rose sighed and tugged at her gold hoop earring. “Maybe,” she agreed.

The Doctor had no plans to keep things the same, but  _ he’d _ rather be the one changing things.  He was far more alert, his senses open and attuned on each small fluctuation of time as they landed.  There would be no death this time. Whatever entity toyed with him from the Void would lose, he’d see to that.

He parked the TARDIS closer to the flat and walked out first, ahead of Rose.  He knelt down running his fingers over the pavement before pulling out his sonic and scanning the area.  Nothing. All normal even though he knew it wasn’t.

“All right, what’s changed?” Rose asked, startling him.  He jumped up, whipped around and gripped her shoulders.

“What do you mean?  Did you see something?” He contemplated shoving her back in the TARDIS as he searched the area. Everything looked fine, kids playing footie and a possible drug deal going down a block away. 

“You’re not acting normal,” She drilled the Tyler glare into him, 

“Normal?  This is Earth and, you know, aliens always seem to be mucking about.” He feigned innocence with wide eyes and a pouty lip she seemed fixated on.  She sighed and dropped her shoulders in defeat. 

“Look if there’s going to be an invasion—” She trailed off as if the words carried weight.  Which they did. Not that he was willing to admit that, she seemed too caught up in whatever precognition she experienced to question him, until she shook herself. 

“You’d tell me if something weird was going on, right?” Her voice cracked slightly.

He nearly spilled the truth.  But guilt choked him. If she only knew how many secrets he kept, a universe’s worth and more.  Lying to her grew more and more difficult. 

“Rose, how many times have we been back on Earth only to stop some aliens’ nefarious plans?  I mean Slitheen? Gelth? The Wire, Absorbaloff? There’s always an alien invasion just waiting to happen.  And you know interfering is sort of what we do.” He rambled hoping she’d buy it. She sighed and shifted her bag.

“Right.  You’ll tell me when you’re ready.”  She turned and marched toward her mother’s building, leaving him to stew.  Not that he’d admit to stewing or muttering. He followed Rose and took the laundry bag from her.

She stared at him.

“What?  No reason for you heft it up the stairs when I’m the one with vastly superior cardiovascular system.”  She rolled her eyes.

“Whatever.” She sliced her hand through the air and took the stairs faster than normal. 

He followed, secretly keeping track of points for small changes made in the loop.  That made three so far. He just needed to keep the balance.

Inside the flat, he avoided Jackie’s over exuberant greeting, dodging into the living room with the laundry, and allowing mother and daughter to bond over, oh yes.

“Bazoolium,” he shouted before Rose could ask.  She walked into the living room carrying it, eyeing him suspiciously. He smiled and rocked back on his heels waiting for the next horrible moment. She showed her mother the gift.  Jackie dismissing it like usual.

The ghost appeared in the kitchen much to Jackie’s delight and the Doctor’s impatience. 

“Yes, yes here it is,” he interrupted.  “No, it’s not a ghost.” He stood next to Rose, bored by this part. 

“Is too, it’s my dad!” Jackie retorted, hands on her hips glaring at him. She turned back to the ghost. “Don’t listen to him, Dad.  Say hello to Rose. Ain't she grown?”

Rose bumped into him and grabbed his hand in a death grip.

“Yes, Granddad Prentice, died ten years ago,” he spoke with a tired exhale as Rose dragged him into the living room barely listening to Jackie complaining about rudeness.  “No, Jackie’s not mad. And you have no idea how it pains me to say that.”

“You tell me right now what the hell is going on.”  Rose dropped his hand and crossed her arms. 

“You’re right, it’s an invasion.  Well done.” He tried a smile but Rose didn’t budge.

“How did I know if you didn’t?  Wait, did you know?” There it was, the accusation and demand he had been avoiding.

“It’s not unreasonable for you to pick up on something wrong.,” he defended.  “It’s not like you don’t know an invasion. And you notice more than you think. Remember the television aerials on Florizel Street?  You picked up on that before I did.” She relaxed her stance.

“And there’s that weird metallic taste in the air.  You may not have made a connection but certainly you sensed it.  My senses are a bit keener.” He stood up a bit taller, embracing the whole superior Time Lord vibe. “I analyzed it and determined it was one, pollution, C, someone’s welding project, three, a bit olfactory hallucination, or four, no D, an alien invasion.”  He shrugged his shoulders and jammed his hands into his pockets.

“And you couldn’t tell me?”

“What and ruin the discovery and a celebratory fist bump ‘cos you were right?”

She seemed to accept that and marched over to the window.

“They’re all over,” she affirmed.

“Yep, typical invasion.”

“But they’re not real?  Are they like the Gelth?”  Rose kept peering out the window. 

The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief at her focusing her attention on something other than what he knew.   His annoying conscious picked at the back of his head about telling her truth. The logical Time Lord sniffed and rejected that idea.  He needed to control which things changed. Rose would run head first into everything and possibly cause all of them to die.

_ Like we did _ ? a snicker followed that snide voice. He ignored it.

“Not the Gelth.  This is something else.  We need to find out when this started,” He encouraged her to sit down and talk to Jackie. 

He ticked off another box as they discussed the ghosts. He’d just changed another point, avoiding going outside.  A slight satisfaction unfurled at his success thus far. But he didn’t congratulate himself yet. The shadowy moniker of loss still cackled from the future.  He responded with a repressed anger. It wouldn’t win this time.

He left Rose to deal with Jackie.  He already knew where they’d go next. No Ghostbusters this time.  Rose completed the next part.

“According to the paper, they've elected a ghost as MP for Leeds,” she said as she walked into the TARDIS.

“Humans are funny that way,” he responded, staring at this monitor, hacking into Torchwood records.  Whipping through screen after screen of data, faster than a human eye could follow, he noticed one anomaly.  One very personal and jarring anomaly. But he didn’t have time to deal with that.

“Doctor, we have to do something.”

“Be back in a tick, need one more reading from outside.”  He brushed by Jackie walking into the TARDIS, squinting her eyes at him. 

He waffled on Jackie’s presence.  Should she stay or go? The thought of leaving Jackie out of the mix of Torchwood niggled at him. Then again, her timeline interacted with Pete’s in an impactful way.  That point seemed important in a twisted time loop way he couldn’t identify.

Later, in Torchwood, he again took Jackie with him out of the TARDIS.  He didn’t taunt her this time. No teasing, no playing around, he sank into a dark, calculated place in his mind. Especially, when he saw that damnable Void Ship. 

Rose appeared on schedule.  He glanced at Jackie and tapped his fingers on Yvonne’s desk.  What if Rose never went near the Void Ship? Something to ponder next time.  If there was a next time. 

He hoped to solve the loop this go round.  Time whispers, the aura of death waiting to sweep around him indicated otherwise.  It crawled through this building, dimming time lines to gray before devouring them.  And then there was that which lurked in the future, the infuriating promise. 

_ The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon. _

His resolve hardened whisking aside compassion and sympathy for humans so foolish and greedy they poked at the Void.  Repeated loss dulled his admiration for the human need to explore, thrust themselves head first into the impossible. Humans, he often loved their spirit but he was fucking tired of repeatedly watching them almost blow themselves up.  Time to mix things up.

Yvonne was easily manipulated.  After all, he’d already taken down Harriet Jones with four words.  After watching how Yvonne’s people had been infiltrated, she followed along still oozing confidence.  He led her to her doom and she followed. A pleasurable high thrummed through him at his brilliance, how he controlled things.

“Ear pieces, ear pods.” He paused, watching Yvonne stare at the technology.  She was so easy. “This world's colliding with another.” Clanking metallic sounds caught their attention. 

“What are they?” Yvonne demanded as Jackie shifted closer to the Doctor.  Maybe even she sensed something now.

“Your ghosts.  Looks like they’ve set up shop near your lever room.  Sort of ironic isn’t it? If it’s Torchwood it’s ours and it looks like you’ve inherited quite a bit of their tech.”  Yvonne bit into his bait hook, line and sinker. The avarice rolled off of her as she traced her fingers over an ear pod.

“And what do you think happens next, Doctor?” she asked with the slightest arrogant tilt of her chin, almost daring him to stop her.

“You’re Torchwood.”  He stood back and watched her fall as she smirked and marched herself and her men through curtains of plastic to their doom.

“What did you do that for?” Jackie demanded as screams and gunfire pierced the air.

“To save your life and give us time.  Now a bit more running if you please.”  They both ran. Cybers in pursuit. Again, he lost her in the fray.  He chalked it up to a fixed point. They were meant to be separated.

As events progressed, his perceptions shifted.  Again his thoughts turned to the Time War as he tried to outwit Daleks and Cybermen.  The Oncoming Storm overshadowed logic, operating on a cunning need to win. He wielded time lines and their associated living embodiments like tools or chess pieces. 

Pete Tyler’s time line stopped him short, reminding him why he liked this human.  He was beautifully flawed but strong. And his time line meshed with Jackie’s dodgy one.  The Doctor still didn’t have a good grasp of her future, until she met parallel Pete. Odd how two people from a different universe could integrate so seamlessly.

He didn’t send Rose away.

After her mother, Pete and their team disappeared, he soniced the lemon tart looking jumper device.  Rose stared as he put it around her neck.

“I’m not leaving you,” she asserted, spine straight, ready for a fight.

“No, you’re not.  Unless you want to,” he admitted as a resounding  _ No _ tightened deep inside him, clawing at him to tell her the truth, how he felt.  He swallowed back the emotion. He had no time for such things. Neither did she by her heavy silent gaze. 

One tiny sliver of the Time Lord who cared about Rose herself, and not just what she meant to him, roared forth.  He wrapped her hands in his. 

“You’ll never see Jackie again, if you stay.  The walls will be closed. Forever.”

Daleks screeched  _ Exterminate _ in the distance.  Even as she swallowed hard and tears glistened in her eyes, she squeezed his hand reassuringly.

“We need to shut the breech.  Tell me how to use those magna clamp things,” Rose asserted.

Words failed him at first.  He didn’t deserve her.  _ Yes we do _ ! His hearts beat double at the truth of that voice that was now making a bit more sense to him.  Maybe he shouldn’t fight it.

Unfortunately, like all his other attempts, this plan went pear shaped. 

Her lever fell.  She righted it. Her hand slipped.  He gritted his teeth, hearts racing.  Power coursed through him, thrumming with satisfaction.  The Doctor had planned for this. Even as he fought against the Howling, its grasp at both he and Rose, he growled out a telepathic warning. 

_ Don’t fuck with the Time Lord. _

He loosened the grip of one hand to reach for his sonic.

“Doctor!” Rose shouted, muscles staining, as debris pelted her.

Superior strength on his side, he easily activated a program in the jumper that would send her back to the TARDIS.  A charge built in the air around her, glowing against her skin. Rose’s eyes widened, and her eyes sparked with golden flecks as she mouthed,  _ It’s not your fault _ .

Reality set in as the jumper’s charge amplified around Rose and connecting to anything metallic.  A hum trembled through the air and every object. Sparks flared and arced from anything metal, including Daleks and Cybermen

“No!” The word tore through him. 

The room vibrated from the unexpected reaction of the dimension jumper, void matter, Rose’s artron energy and that tiny bit of Huon particles that he only just realized must exist in her on the subatomic level.  Fury burned through him as he madly jammed his finger on the sonic to compensate. This is what happened when he relied on primitive human devices. As if they could actually produce adequate technology to cross universes.  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

A cyberman crashed into his arm, sending the sonic clanking to the floor.  Rose screamed as a blinding light filled the room. Fury turned into icy resignation.  What was the point of even hanging on. Certain doom pounded into the center of his forehead. At least they’d blow up together.  A bubble of laughter burst forth. Oh yes, they’d go out together…forever. He cackled at the thought and the destruction.

“You lose!” he shouted at the Void as energy burst forth around him, disintegrating everything and everyone including the whole building.    

***************

He gasped awake, curled up beneath the console, his head smacking against the coral. 

“About time you got up.  I was getting worried.” Rose sat on the jump seat, a paperback book in her hand.   _ Time Travel For Dummies _ .

“Yes, sorry.  Guess I nodded off,” he spoke in graveled voice, his tongue tasting like the backside of a Slitheen.

He stared dully across the console room, barely seeing the coral struts.  Memories of the last loop reordered themselves. Another failure. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.  Throbbing pain stabbed at his temples. He’d killed Rose and himself. Too much confidence. Not enough changes.

Mental and emotional exhaustion squeezed and smothered him.  The thought of fumbling through another loop turned his stomach.  Maybe he should just go back to sleep and the whole thing would end? 

“You promised we’d visit mum,” Rose spoke lightly as she hopped off the seat. He dropped his hands and squinted at her through eyes burning with overwhelming apathy at the thought of another turn in the loop. 

She ran a hand through her hair.  “Wait, did we…” She trailed off and eyed her laundry bag sitting next to the jump seat.  “Sorry, guess not sleeping well is going around.” She shook her head and walked over to the console and knelt down to face him.

Not as demanding this time, she still remembered hints of the loop.  Fucking brilliant. Another repeated aspect was dealing with Rose’s dodgy wisps of memory. 

“You okay?  I mean you’re awfully quiet.”

“Fine,” he replied in a threadbare voice, thinking about how very not fine he was.  His trainers scrambled against the grating as he climbed up, straightening his suit coat.  Ironically, his evil inner voice decided to take a holiday. Maybe blowing himself and Rose up finally nailed that door shut.

“Earth it is I suppose.”  He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, eyeing the controls with dismay. 

“It’s all right if you need to take a break, Doctor.  Even you need rest some times.”

He noted a nervous hitch to her voice.  Glancing at her, she chewed her thumbnail.  Her gaze fixed on the laundry bag, she stepped back until she bumped into the console.  He couldn’t blame her. If ever there was such a thing as a curse, it was that bag.

“You said you’re not sleeping well?” He eyed her playing with the zipper on her light blue hoodie.  He never noticed before how soft the fabric looked or how his fingers itched to stroke her arm. 

_ Or bury her in your arms and never let go _ .  Ahhh yes, there was lascivious, nutter Doctor.  He should have known his inner id wouldn’t be thwarted so easily.

“It’s nothing.  Just a nightmare.”

“Of course, it matters.”  He pushed off the console, too tired to fight the impulse to touch her.  After watching her die the last two loops, he earned a bit of a hug. He settled on resting his hand on her shoulder.

Rose instinctively seemed to cuddle into his chest.  He wrapped his arms around her, inhaling her scent, enjoying her warmth and the beat of her heart.  It reset his purpose and washed away the exhaustion. Maybe they could spend this loop just hugging? 

_ You could do more than hug _ .  A smile curled the corners of his mouth as he snuggled her closer.  Yeah, he could but that wouldn’t be helpful and he doubted Rose would approve destroying the universe for a shag.

_ Maybe she would.  After all, it would just reboot. _

“Doctor, I’ve been having these nightmares.”  Her voice broke the inner fight against Bad Doctor.

“What sort of nightmares?” He squeezed his eyes tight at the headache reasserting itself.  Yeah, he knew this answer and the time loop’s subtle nudge to get him back on schedule. 

He stepped back watched her face pale.  He cupped her cheek.

“You don’t have to tell me, but it might help.”

“It’s about us going to Earth and there’s an invasion.  And Daleks,” She released a shaky breath. “And Mum was in the middle of it and—” She turned her head away.  “It doesn’t end well.”

“We’ve been through a lot lately,” he responded.  Oh, had they been through it. “You had your essence sucked into a telly, faced a malevolent being intent on terrorizing both of us on that base, thought we lost the TARDIS and well—” He tugged at his ear.  “You almost lost me twice, once to the pit and once to a distraught alien child.”

“Yeah,” she drew out.  “But this just started.”

“Some things stick with you.  Daleks always give me nightmares.  You…you remember,” he stuttered over his words.  “I don’t think I ever thanked you for what you did.  How you were always there, helped remind me I didn’t lose everything.”  He’d been a mess post Time War. Rose hadn’t flinched even after finding him screaming wild eyed after one brief kip.  He tried to shove her away but she wouldn’t budge. 

“But you’ve been through so much more.”  Her compassion and empathy wrapped him in warmth he never wanted to leave.  He didn’t deserve it. Especially after failing her so many times in all the loops.

“It’s not about how much,” he responded.  “It’s about how it impacts you. Two years ago, you didn’t even know about aliens much less Daleks.”  Rose nodded at his reason but it didn’t seem to ease her tension.

“I think a trip home is what you need.”   _ No, it wasn’t! _ he wanted to scream.  But the steady thud on his timeline was turning into a time quake jarring not just him but the TARDIS by the furious way her telepathic connection cut through him like a knife.

“Yeah, maybe.  I just…I don’t want…oh, I don’t know.”  She walked to the console and rested her hand on the console, patting the TARDIS.

He quickly took up his position inputting coordinators and not mucking around this time.

“Well then Allons-y!”  He winced. He wasn’t supposed to say that yet.  Still, it elicited a smile.

“What’s that then?” she asked, working in unison with him as she did in every other loop.

“Allons-y, it’s French.  It means let’s go.”

“Allons-y it is!” she repeated.  Thankfully, they avoided the laundry and Jackie discussion.  A renewed vigor pumped through him. This time, he’d get it right.

He tried a new plan.  Again, he parked next to the flat and carried the cursed laundry.  He held Rose’s hand as they jaunted up the stairs. They did not talk about invasions.  He dropped the bag in the hall and he snogged Jackie. What the hell, it couldn’t hurt.

Until she slapped him.

He shrugged, wiped his mouth on his sleeve and arched a brow at Rose who broke into giggles.  Jackie snorted before hugging Rose and they walked into the kitchen.

“Bazoolium!” He again shouted out before Rose brought it up.  Her brow furrowed and she stared at him.

“What?  Just reminding you.”  He walked back into the living room as she explained to Jackie what it was.  He picked up a magazine and paged through it as Jackie went into her surprise spiel.

“Guess who's coming to visit?” Jackie asked. “You're just in time. He'll be here at ten past. Who do you think it is?

“I don’t know, a ghost?”

He choked and whipped around staring at both of them.

Jackie, arms crossed, glared at Rose who reached for a sleeve of jammy dodgers on the counter.  Jackie then turned toward him.

“This is your doing isn’t it?”

“What?”  He exhaled loudly. 

“Bloody alien ruins everything.  I can’t get one surprise in for my own daughter.”

He hurried over and grabbed a biscuit from Rose before shoving it into his mouth before his gob got the better of him.

Rose did the same.  How did he lose control already?  And then said ghost made an appearance.  Jackie fawned over it. The irony hit him smack dab in his time sense.  His Jackie fawned over a cybermen when parallel Jackie was killed by one. 

He tugged an oddly quiet Rose into the living room.

“Are you all right?” The words felt awkward.  This was not how things were supposed to happen.  She shrugged. 

“My mum thinks that thing is my Granddad Prentice.  It’s like the Gelth all over again.” She bit into another biscuit.  “This is what it’s like for you isn’t it? You see so much, have nightmares and then it all just happens again like a cycle.  Earth, alien invasion, save the world, rinse and repeat. Has Earth always been like this and we just didn’t know?” 

“Wellll, yes and no. I mean, there’s always been aliens.  Some here by accident, some hiding out and the occasional invasion.  That’s why you have UNIT. You remember them from Downing Street.”

Again, she nodded and swallowed her biscuit.

“So, TARDIS and save the world?”  she asked.

He wasn’t sure how to respond.  Rose seemed almost bored. Normally, her exuberance and curiosity invigorated and inspired him.  But this Rose, standing around, calm as you please, eating biscuits while a potential alien appeared in her mum’s kitchen…well that was just weird.

“Aren’t you upset?” he finally blurted.

“A little.  I dunno, it’s sort of like it feels normal for us.  I mean maybe this is why we’re here now instead of days from now, to solve the mystery and save the Earth.  Speaking of which, shouldn’t we be doing something?” 

Well this certainly put a new twist on things.  Rose acting blasé and asking him to get his arse in gear.  Well if she was going to change something then so was he, and in a big way.  Fuck it. Time to go all in.

_ Yes fuck it, _ the nasty little voice urged him _.  Or you know blow up Torchwood now and have a we saved the world shag later. _

He swatted at the nuisance of that pesky inner him.  Although part of him exuberantly jumped up and down at the thought.  Especially blowing up Torchwood ahead of time. Sure, lives would be lost but how many would he save? 

The icy bucket of the past doused that thought.  It trickled through his veins, a reminder of what he’d done in the Time War.  How many had he sacrificed? He’d promised himself never again. No more.

He convinced Rose they needed to leave. Jackie was not as sure about them taking off. Rose hesitated.

“It’s not a ghost, mum, and it’s not grandad.”

“You don’t know that,” Jackie insisted.

“I know,” the Doctor added watching how Jackie fought against this. 

“You’re spoiling it,” Jackie accused.

“Mum, he’s trying to help, we both are.”

“He thinks he knows everything.  Maybe this time he can’t. He doesn’t know what it means to lose—” her eyes widened, and her face fell.  “I’m sorry,” she quickly added. “I know you’ve lost your people. It’s just maybe we humans feel this more.”

“The Doctor feels loss as much as you are I,” Rose defended.

“I know what Jackie means.”  A mother-daughter fight was not a change he wanted to add to this loop.  “Jackie these creatures may look humanoid but they’re not human. The dead don’t come back.  Your loss and desire for it to be him plays a trick on your senses and its using that against you.”

“That’s sick.”  Rose’s shoulders straightened and she reached for her mother’s hand.  This was more like his Rose.

“And we’re going to get to the bottom of it,” he promised.  “Promise us you’ll stay in the flat, lock the door and don’t let anyone in but us.” 

“But I’m meeting Mo for dinner tonight.”

“Mum, please.”  Rose squeezed her hand.  “Just for today. I’m sure we’ll get this sorted in no time.”

“All right, for today,” Jackie grudgingly agreed.  “But that means you have to stay at least another two days,” she added with a triumphant smile at the Doctor.  “And have tea with me every night, both of you.”

“Yes, yes fine,” he relented, raking a hand through his hair.  It wasn’t like he believed there would be a next day. At least not on Earth.

Things at Torchwood did not go to plan.  Yvonne was still horrible and was still cyberized.  Without Rose to confront the Daleks, they’re invasion happened faster.  Pete never transported to this world. Mickey was killed by a Dalek. 

“We can’t let them back through,” Jake insisted, his team, locked and loaded with weapons.

“You won’t have to,” the Doctor assured him as Rose stared blankly at the white wall before them.

“This can’t be happening,” Face wet with tears, she shook her head, arms wrapped around herself.

“It is happening and it’s got to stop,” Jake insisted.  “Our world can’t take another assault. And I won’t let it happen no matter what I have to do.”

“You won’t have to do anything.  I’ll close the breech and seal both universes,” the Doctor assured eyeing Rose.  Jake nodded, looking between him and Rose.

“From here?”  Jake’s question was pointed.  The Doctor gave a quick explanation of Void Stuff, using his three-D glasses which any other time would have amused Rose.  Not this time. She continued to stare at the white wall where the Void would open. His hearts stuttered. 

Rose knew what happened next.

“Take these.” Jake offered him two yellow tart like jumpers to cross the Void.

“We have to see this through and Rose…she still has her mother here.  We can’t abandon this Earth.”

“I understand.  Just know, both of you have a place with us, at our Torchwood.  We don’t blow holes in the universe,” Jake added a jab, eyeing the levers.

The Doctor didn’t want to touch the jumpers.  They represented loss and destruction to him. Jake sighed at his refusal. 

“Doctor, we didn’t open the gap.  And we’ll make sure it never opens again.  Pete’ll make sure.”

“The Doctor’s right.” Rose cleared her throat.  “We have to stay and protect this world. Mickey would want us to.  Just like he’d want you to protect yours.”

“Go, there’s no more time.” The Doctor backed away, heading out to find the magna clamps.

When he returned, Jake and his people were gone.  Rose stood in the middle of the room transfixed by the wall. 

“Rose, what are you doing?  We need to set up the magna clamps.”  He rushed over to set the magna clamp near the lever that would fall, setting it closer to the floor this time.  It would give her more leverage. Or he could try taking this one again.

“Hurry,” he shouted until finally she stumbled from whatever temporal memory consumed her focus.  She grabbed the magna clamp.

On instinct he didn’t move, cradled her face and brushed his lips against hers.  Her face flushed and her lips parted, welcoming him. After one delightful taste of Rose, he pulled back

“For luck,” he suggested, his voice high pitched as he reveled in the hearts-racing sensation of kissing Rose Tyler.

“I thought you didn’t believe in that,” she responded breathlessly.

He did an internal fist bump.   _ Still got it.  And it’s time to use it.   _ Confidence and ego boiled up.  Maybe he needed to start these loops with snogging.  Maybe that was the key.

_ Blowing up the building and more than snogging _ , his pleased inner voice suggested.  He cleared his throat

“Yes, well, you know, kissing releases oxytocin and a few endorphins to give you a good positive push.”  He backed away babbling. “Just, eh, trying to help.”

“Well you can help me a lot more frequently if you want,” she teased. 

_ Oh yes, we will _ , his internal voice agreed.

Chuffed and ready to go, he set his clamp and then the building began to shake.  A roar sounded along with a distinct whistling noise. He pulled out his sonic.

“Oh no.”

“What is it?” Rose asked, jumping away from the wall.

“Too late.  I really should have seen this happening.  Nothing ever goes to plan in this place.”

Rose ran over and he wrapped his arms around her.  A sad smile emerged. 

“We were so close this time.”

“What do you mean?” She asked as the end neared, this time without opening the Void.

“We’ve done this so many times.  But this is the first time we kissed.  Kind of fits, you know.” A roaring sound blasted through the room.  “All the times UNIT had to stop Torchwood and they choose now. Well, at least we go out with a bang.”

Rose grabbed his lapels and yanked him closer.  “I love you.”

“Rose Tyler, I—” The world exploded in fire and destruction.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo I am updating twice this week because the chapter got way too long. So formerly chapter 4 is now chapters 4 and 5 and the total chapter length changed to 7. This chapter ends in super angst. Sorry! But it's just a loop and will reset next chapter. The Doctor suffers. Rose is slowly absorbing things and calling the Doctor on it and he is refusing to tell her the truth which ends tragically.
> 
> Thank you again to Hellostarlight20 for beta job! Although all mistakes are mine as I tinkered with it post beta. Next chapter will be up in the next day or so and has a slightly lighter tone.

The cold metal of the grating bit into the Doctor’s face.  He rolled over and scrubbed at the indentations in his skin, the pounding in his head like Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture.

“Morning!” Rose dragged in, trainers scuffing against the floor in a way that crawled up his last throbbing nerve.

She collapsed onto the jump seat staring into her mug.  Tea by the scent, strong tea, much stronger than normal for her.  He could certainly use an infusion of free radicals and tannins. If he could move. 

His muscles cramped in his legs doing their own version of the samba.  Sucking in his breath he stretched the offending tendons. Even his hair hurt, crunching against his scalp.  Crispy and ohhhh the echoes of the last loop seared into brain. UNIT blowing them to hell was new. He vowed to avoid anything that made that happen again.  Of course, that meant identifying the offending change. 

A bone cracking yawn sounded from Rose.  He lifted his head watching her. She arched her back grimacing.  At least he wasn’t the only one suffering a post-time-loop hang over. 

Wait.  He focused on her staring down at him.  Oh fuck no. He didn’t have the patience of dealing with another Rose interrogation or any humany attempts she might make to intervene in the loop.  He crawled up and shook his shoulders. That, he decided, was always the thorn in his plans. Too many human variables. 

He walked over and slipped the tea from her grasp.

“Seriously?” she groaned.

The milky and most definitely not sweetened tea, poured down his throat like a river of lava.

“Bleh,” he stuck his tongue out and thrust the mug back to her.  “No wonder you’re so grumpy in the mornings.”

“Some of us don’t operate on a sugar high.”

The Doctor glared over his shoulder.  He wouldn’t dignify that snippy remark with an answer. Time Lords didn’t need to justify their taste buds.  Time Lords just needed to get a grip on stupid fucking time loops that would not end.

He gripped the edge of the console, his foul mood pummeling at the TARDIS.  Sparks flew near his fingers. What where a few singed fingers when he’d just been blown apart and burned into ashes?

“What’s got your knickers in a twist?” Rose asked, setting her mug high up on the console in a cup holder the TARDIS provided.

“Can you not,” he spit out, “put that disgusting concoction on my control panel.  You’ll short circuit something.” Yes, he was being just that petty.

“Fine,” Rose snapped.  She grabbed the mug and stormed out of the room.  He tentatively touched his hair and scalp afraid of any residual echoes still singing his nerves. 

“Think,” he murmured to himself.  “What caused that new variation of the end?”  A slight mad giggle bubbled up. 

The end.  Oh, but he knew the end well.  The end of each regeneration was always painful and a smidge resentful.  The end of each companion’s time with him could sting or have him feel like being the universe’s chew toy.  The end of the Time War, now that had been fiery, and excruciating in a rip all the time lines way. He was good at ending things in the worst way possible.

“You know if you talk about whatever’s got you in a snit, it might help.”  Rose stepped up to the console, frowning, her fingers hovering over the knob that disengaged navigation which she’d pressed in a prior loop in a similar attempt to get him to talk.

“You wouldn’t understand.” He lashed out.   _ Or remember _ he fumed to himself.

“Right because you’re the big all-knowing Time Lord.”  He lifted his head to watch her narrow her eyes, crossing her arms, set for battle.

“Yes, I am and you need to go home and do laundry.”  Now he’d done it. Thus, starts the loop plummeting them both to horror, death, the Void, or any number of possible nasty outcomes.

“Are you ordering me?”  No questioning the hard edges in her voice.  Forget the Oncoming Storm, he faced the Tyler Tempest.  He backed up a step, not because he was afraid. He just needed some distance to assess. 

“No, I’m merely—” he squinted his eyes, grasping for words to somehow mitigate how badly an angry, suspicious Rose would affect the loop.  “Observing. Clearly not ordering and especially not with a big honking ominous bag of laundry sitting over there.” He inclined his head toward the jump seat where he’d glanced said bag of horribleness. He nervously tugged at his ear hoping this distraction worked.

Rose sighed and dropped her arms, jaw firmly clenched.  She shook her head and turned toward the console.

“Fine, you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

He stopped mid-ear tug.  Rose had said that before in different loop but not until they landed on Earth.  Was her saying this again and now significant? He ambled over to the console, prepared to set coordinates when another thought occurred to him.

“So Earth, the Powell Estate.  Unless you’d like to do something else less laundry related?”  Maybe if it was Rose’s choice to go somewhere else they could break the loop? 

“No, you’re right.  I haven’t seen Mum in ages.”  The soft, defeated tone in her voice pressed inward against his chest, increasing the nagging headache and the pain that now extended to his limbs.  He really did feel like he’d dived head first into a time storm.

Dark circles now marred beneath Rose’s eyes.  She felt the repeated time loop effects, too, and it took its toll.  The way her hair looked just a touch mussed and dull added to how she reflected his own mood.  He swallowed past the wrongness of Rose’s life dulling, being diminished and worn down. 

_ Fix this _ .

“No, you haven’t,” He nodded in agreement.  “And Jackie needs to see you. She likes doing your laundry to make sure you’ll always come home,” he repeated the words from another loop, hoping it might lighten her mood.

Rose suddenly moved to his side, one of her hands curling around his, stilling his automatic motions to set coordinates.

“You know my home is on the TARDIS, too, yeah?”  He wrapped his hand around hers, thumb caressing her knuckles. His gaze melted at how she stood by him. 

“Yeah.” He breathed out the word, an urge to kiss her overwhelming him.  They’d kissed the last loop. Not a proper snog but the memory imprinted, the softness and warmth of her lips and how her heart raced at the slight touch.  She even teased him they should make a habit of it.

The TARDIS shuddered.  Apparently, there would be no snogging until he got back on task.  He cleared his throat and released her hand.

“Right, off we go to make one Jackie Tyler’s day, give her mother-daughter time and some lovely Bazoolium which I’m sure she’ll love.”  He winced. Too soon.

“She’ll be happy to just see us,” Rose corrected and stepped away, her fingertips trailing across the coral toward the controls.  “She likes it when we both visit.” She flashed him a look with more than just affection. His mouth dried as yearning tightened his chest followed by a twinge of annoyance that he couldn’t explore this shift in their relationship.

_And you want to, don’t you?_ _And to do more than kiss her_. He sighed at his inner voice, this time stating the obvious.  He couldn’t deny it. 

“Besides,” Rose interrupted his inner rumbling.  “Mum’s always got tea for us, and news. You never know, maybe we’ll get lucky and there’ll be an invasion.”

“Oh, don’t say that.” His voice whinged as he smacked controls.  Not even her tongue touched smiled rescued his now damaged mood. She had to go and bring up invasions…again.

“Fine.  No invasions.  Just Mum, tea and telly for you.”  More awake and vibrant, she arched an eyebrow at him.

He snorted.  Always on point his Rose.  And she wasn’t wrong to question him.  Usually, an invasion was his sort of distraction.  Just not with Cyberman and Daleks.

Again, he landed them near Jackie’s building.  No point in delaying the inevitable. Out of some twisted sense of duty, he carried her duffle bag of laundry.

“Um, thanks,” she said, eyeing him with a sense of wariness. 

“Yeah, whatever.” He waved his hand in the air and led her out of the TARDIS. Apparently, this part of the last two loops didn’t stick with her.  So much for chivalry in the midst of temporal doom. He marched up the stairs to Jackie’s door which he soniced and burst through.

“Well let’s get this over with,” he announced as Jackie rushed out to greet them.  “Go on kiss-kiss.” He leaned down, flinching through the whole affair before Rose squeezed by, giggling.  Laundry bag dropped unceremoniously, he wiped his face and went to the kitchen and glowered at the spot where the next thing on his List of Hell would happen.

“I have a surprise, you’re just in time!” Jackie enthusiastically stated as she busied herself with the kettle.

“Yes, yes, your allegedly dead father who is most certainly not a ghost.”

Jackie whipped around, hands on her hips just as said ghost appeared.  Rose stood by him darting glances between he and Jackie.

“You just have to spoil everything,” Jackie announced. 

“Dad, this is Rose, you remember her.  Ain’t she grown?” Jackie’s voice sounded less cajoling this time and more irritated.

Good.  The Doctor didn’t want to be the only one. 

Rose slipped out of the room and stared out the window.

“It’s an invasion, isn’t it?  I said so, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you called it.  Guess I owe you chips or something.”  He walked up next to her peering out the window.

“Don’t try and deny it.  You knew. Is that why you were so keen on coming here?”

“I asked if you wanted to go somewhere else.”  He pinched the bridge of his nose at the acerbic tone in his voice.  “Sorry,” he stated with little indication he was.

“All right so something keyed you in, some time sense or something and you don’t want to tell me.  So does his High and Time Lordiness want to tell me what’s next on the agenda?”

“Oh bugger, you just had to go there.” He exhaled and dropped his hands, flexing his fingers nervously.  “What do you think?” he asked. No sense wasting time fighting her. 

_ Why fight when snogging and blowing up Torchwood would be more satisfying?   _ Bloody internal voice making so much sense.

“We need to track down where they’re coming from.  Mum said they appear on a schedule.”

He sighed.  Well bugger.  Time to make choices.  He’d changed a number of things from what he decided was the original event, at least what he could remember of it.  There’d been five variations or more, of that he was sure. Last time, he’d left Jackie behind. Ironic that was the time they blew up.  He grimaced before he spoke next.

“Let’s get you and Jackie on the TARDIS.”

“You want to bring my mum on the TARDIS?” Rose stared at him, mouth gaping as if he’d grown a second head.  He patted the side of his head just to make sure. One never could tell with time loops gone amuck.

“You’d rather leave her with the invading aliens?”

“No, just…I don’t know.  It feels weird to bring her on the TARDIS,” she admitted slowly, toying with one of her gold hoop earrings. 

“Yes, well, desperate times and all that. Come on, let’s get this over with,” he said with a loud sigh ignoring Jackie’s constant complaints.

“He comes into my house, spoiling my surprise and ruining everything.  And now he’s ordering me around.”

“We’re just trying to keep you safe, Mum.”

“I was perfectly safe in my own flat, thank you very much.  Probably much safer before himself arrived and turned something nice into alien stuff.”

“Alien stuff,” he scoffed as the made their way into the TARDIS.  He again pulled up information on Torchwood. Maybe he missed something the last time he researched the nefarious organization.

_ Like how to destroy them utterly and not lose Rose _ .  Yes, inner him was on a roll.   _ Just stating the obvious.  Don’t forget to snog her this time and properly. _

Snogging Rose, well at least that was a pleasant way to alter events.  Still, he needed something more. There was something he was supposed to do, some action he needed to take he kept missing.

_ Fix it _ .

Those two words drilled into the back of his head.  Again, he sped through Torchwood records from its earliest formation through this current year.  The anomaly from his past, and now part of Torchwood, popped up repeatedly, images with blue eyes that tore through the screen into his guilty conscious.  His fingers hesitated over the keyboard. No, he didn’t have time to deal with ghosts from the past, especially ones that left his time sense recoiling. 

“Doctor?”  He quickly scrolled forward.  No time for explanations.

“You know where we’re going?”  Rose’s question sounded more a like a statement.  Their eyes met and the intangible connection between them, the equivalent to a psychic hug, flared.  His breath caught at how he yearned to yank her against him, thrust his tongue into her mouth as much as he wrapped his mind around hers.

“Of course, I know.” He spun away, focusing on control.

_ Coward _ .  Always a coward, especially with Rose and what he craved with her.   _ You can still have it. _ _ She’ll give it to you willingly and in every way you want.   _ Not with her mother aboard.  There was the ironic blessing to Jackie’s presence and how it kept him on task. 

“Well, if you know then let’s get it over with.  Allons-y!” Rose called out and frowned. “Weird. Don’t know why I said that.”

“Because you’re turning into him,” Jackie snapped and clung to a support strut as they took off.  The Doctor’s mind spun at how Rose anticipated more and more each loop. He had to get a grip.

“Rose is Rose, Jackie.” He wasn’t sure why he defended Rose.  There was nothing wrong with how Rose had blossomed, gained confidence and embraced how brilliant she had always been.  And Jackie was wrong. He would never allow Rose to follow his dark path.

_ Unless it leads to a victorious shag after defeating a time loop. _

Fuck but he was tired of arguing with himself.  They landed with a bit more of a jolt than he intended.  Jackie glared at him. Rose, however didn’t seem the least bit bothered.  Was her comfort good or bad?

“Right, they have guns.  I’m the better man. I’ll deal with them.  Rose, stay inside. Jackie, you come with me when I reach in the door.”

“You are not taking my mum out there.” Rose stormed up to him, her jaw set in a tight way that proclaimed she would fight him on this.

“She has to.  They know who I am and that I travel with a companion.  Better her with me, leaving you to do what I know you can do.”

“You mean save your arses.”  Rose’s shoulders relaxed as a slight smile twitched at the corners of her mouth.

“Be careful.  And if you see a big gold orb.  Just don’t go near it.” At least he tried to change things.  It was a coin toss at this point as to what worked and what destroyed them all.  He turned to Jackie.

“Jackie, congratulations, you get to help save the world.  Now just, you know, follow along.”

“I’ll follow along with my foot up your arse,” she grumbled.

“It’ll be okay, Mum.  If he’s right, they’re probably only after him.  Besides, you’re a citizen of Earth, not Alien Enemy Number One here.”

He eyed Rose again wondering, if the loops were leaching through.  It certainly seemed that way. Hopefully this was the last one. And on that thought he walked out, hands in the air.

“Right, Yvonne Hartman anyone?”  He looked at the men with guns pointed at him before watching the harridan herself rush towards him right on time.  Ahhh, repetition. 

Again, nothing went according to his plan.  He allowed Jackie to remain with Yvonne and escape the Cybermen on her own.  Any variation to that point always failed anyway. Over the surveillance monitor Rose had seemed more cautious of the ship, like she knew what was coming. 

_ Blow them up, blow them up _ .  The thought pounded in his mind.  Why did he always think about blowing things up? 

That slowed him down a bit.  Last time he and Rose had been the ones blown up.  Was his subconscious seeking revenge? Of course, being waylaid by Jake to have a chat with Pete Tyler, interrupted those thoughts.  Pete remained ever the same, solid, determined and if he happened to soften at Jackie’s name this time, wellll maybe this loop had a bit of good karma to it.  And maybe that fact solidified in his mind. Jackie needed to go to Pete, even if separated from her daughter.

He ripped through the loop, racing, pushing boundaries.  He did set a small explosion to distract the Cybermen as he raced to retrieve Rose from the Daleks, and set up the Pete and Jackie reunion.  Again, he was struck with a rightness. This needed to happen even if Rose’s eyes teared up ever so slightly.

“You okay?” he asked as the group moved on to the final point, the exit into Pete’s World.

“Yeah fine.  Just happy for Mum.”

“Just your mum?” he asked quietly.

“I’m not leaving you.” The grit and determination was back in her voice.  Also, a hard glint entered her eyes. She meant it. He hearts galloped. This was it.  Even as a small part of him raged about ripping apart a family, another part warmed and stretched out.   _ Finally, everything will be as it should be.  The Doctor and Rose Tyler…forever. _

He didn’t send Rose away, confident, he’d win this time.  Again, he strategized magna clamps, how he’d place it differently and tether Rose.  But then that ominous and infuriating Void entity taunted him, it’s voice slithering through his mind. 

_ The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon. _

“Not this time,” he muttered reaching for the magna clamp.

“Doctor!”

_ Exterminate! _

He stumbled to the side as Rose threw herself at him, a Dalek’s weapon flashing.

“No!” Rose collapsed to the floor.  The Doctor threw the magna clamp at the Dalek and activated his sonic until the clamp didn’t just attach to the Dalek, it activated a strong magnetic pulse that collapsed the Dalek in on itself.

He fell to his knees, cradling Rose in his arms.  Terror clutched at his hearts.

“It just glanced off you.  It wasn’t a direct hit,” he desperately pleaded, his voice choking. He wrapped himself around her, shaking as her pulse ebbed.  “Don’t leave me.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it,” her voice gasped and she convulsed.

“No, that’s not how this goes.  You stay with me.” Tears choked him. He squeezed her tighter ignoring the scream of Daleks and clanking footsteps of Cybermen mixed with humans crying out. 

“Please, please, please,” his voice cracked, Grief burned in his eyes.  He pressed kisses to her forehead, gently cradling her cheek in his hand.   Gazing down, he watched as her time line fade, every nerve ending in his body screaming out in terror.

“I…I love you,” he finally said the words, voice broken as he shattered.  She fell limp in his arms, life extinguished. No, exterminated. He screamed his rage until the walls shook. 

No.  It didn’t end this way. 

His fingers traced her cooling cheeks.  As warmth ebbed from her, so did sympathy, joy and compassion from him.  He’d lost everything now. Empty except for a seething need to unleash his pain on the universe. 

The Doctor gently set Rose down and walked over to a lever.  If the universe wanted pain and destruction, who was he to argue.  He eyed the white wall, a false sense of purity. More like a monument to humanity’s vanity and foolish disregard for mucking about with the unknown.  Torchwood wanted power and dominion over everything. He flexed his hand and shivered as he tapped into power they couldn’t even dream of.

Time Lords were the most powerful beings in the universe.  It’s why he destroyed them. Except now there was him. The last.  The most powerful of them all. Now he had no rules. No one to stop him or remind him of duty, compassion or honor.

Time was his to wield,  He was the true winner, the Time Lord Victorious and he deemed the universe fucked.  A warm seductive sensation flowed through him. He embraced the madness drumming away in his mind.

Time to start over with a galaxy collapsing explosion.  Yes, that would do nicely. 

He pulled out a sparkly gold gem, a little present he’d meant to give Rose, The heart of a collapsed star.  He looked down at her body, now an empty husk of what had once been the center of his universe. The Doctor would create a universe around her memory.

He flicked down a lever, shattering the universal walls.

“Hello, Void Monster,” he said with a bit of swagger and a tiny giggle at what he was about to do.  “Had a nice run of it but I’m done. Not sorry to see this mess end and really looking forward to the implosion.”  

He pressed his sonic to the star and tossed it toward the wall.  Blinding white light exploded as the universal walls shattered and the Void reacted to the imploding forces of the star.

The Doctor held his arms wide.  No more regrets. Finally, he could rest.  He stretched out his mind, focusing on a new universal order, one with the laughter of a mad Time Lord echoing amongst the stars.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Thanks again for reading. This is the second part of the super long chapter that got divided. A little less angsty this time ;) Thanks again to Hellostarlight20 for beta work. Again, all mistakes are mine.

The Doctor’s eyes fluttered open, and he stared up at the rafters of his console room.  The hum of the TARDIS remained calm, unaffected by the shiver crawling up his spine. Panic shook through him.  What had he done? 

The Doctor jumped up.  Spun around, fingers clawing into his hair.  Rose. Where was she? No. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.  His respiratory bypass kicked in as his lungs refused to work.  Alone. He was alone. The silence burrowed into him, crushing his hearts.

Heat flushed through him followed by clammy dampness.  He strained to hear anything beyond the hum of his ship.  He backed up until he bumped against the console.

“Please,” he begged in a strangled voice as he finally drew in air.  His legs collapsed as he clung to the console. 

“Doctor?  Are you okay?”

Rose.

Relief washed over him, warmed him until he straightened.  The Doctor turned and didn’t hesitate. He barreled over to her, scooped her up in his arms and swung her back and forth burying his face in her neck.

“I can’t lose you.  Not like that.”

“Hey, I’m right here.  You didn’t lose me.”

He pulled back, gazing into her eyes, taking in every detail.  Her brow furrowed and she traced her fingers through his hair.

“You look exhausted.  You haven’t rested.”

“No more exhausted than you.”  He frowned noticing how pale her face remained, dark circles beneath her eyes.

“Guess neither of us is sleeping well.  Coffee’s brewing. Come on.” He realeased her and she clasped his hand, pulling him down the corridor.

“Coffee?  Not tea?” He puzzled at this new change.  Rose did drink coffee, but their morning routine was always tea.  Had been for ages.

“I need the high-test stuff.”  She glanced back at him with a tongue touched smile.  “Normally I’d hide it from you considering how off the wall you get, but I think this morning you need it, too.”

“Caffeine has no affect on me.  Neither does sugar, by the way.”  There, a good defense but still, this was different.  Why?

One strong, sweet coffee later combined with a bacon sarnie and he had to admit he felt better.  Of course, that might be because Rose sat next to him, her thigh pressed against his, sighing with each sip of coffee.

“So, you still good with visiting Mum?”  She frowned, tapping the side of her mug and cocked her head to the side.   “Did I ask you that already?”

“No, and yes we can go see your mum.  You don’t have laundry, do you?” He spit out the word. 

“Yeah I do.  You know she likes doing it for me.  Why?”

He stood up and eyed her.  A slight madness still hung in the air around him.  The one thing he had not changed was about to happen. 

“Doctor?  Are you okay?”  She leaned away inspecting him up and down.

“Never been better!  Come on, let’s be off.”  He grabbed her hand pulling her up.  No way he was letting her go. This time, they stuck together.  Even with Jackie there, even though keeping her from the Daleks last time cost them Mickey.  He’d lost Rose too many times to risk letting her go off on her own. 

Marching down the corridor he had a bit of a jaunty hop to his step.  Rose rushed to keep up with him. He knew exactly what to do this time.

“Why are we in a rush all of a sudden?” she asked.  She yanked him to a halt. “Wait, is there an invasion due on Earth?”  The glee at his plan ebbed as he tightened his grasp on her hand and glowered.

“Why do you always have to bring that up?”

“I…what?” she asked, side-eyeing him.  “Are you sure you’re feeling all right? Cause if you need a kip—”

“I’m fine.  Molto bene even.”  The Doctor turned and proceeded into the control room, coming to a halt near the jump seat.  Rose thudded into him. “And I’ll be even better in just a tic.”

“Okay, what’s going on?”  she asked slowly, maybe even cautiously.  He smirked at that or maybe it was what he was about to do.  “And can you ease up on the death grip?” she asked. He tore his gaze from the objective of his mission, the most heinous duffle bag of infamy.

“Sorry.”  He released her hand and flexed his fingers nervously.  He’d tether her to his side later, just to be sure. At the moment, he had other satisfying things to attend to.  He leaned over and scooped up the bag of laundry, holding it in front of him at arm’s length, just to be safe.

“It’s just laundry,” Rose stated with a huff.

“It looks like just laundry,” he lectured, oozing malice as he held the bag in front of him like the dangerous object it was.  He marched down the ramp toward the door.

“What are you doing?”  Rose followed closely behind.  He looked over his shoulder and smiled before opening the door and hurling the hated item out into the golden glare of the vortex.  “No more fucking laundry!” He shouted with a good fist pump before shutting the door with a satisfied click. He turned toward Rose with a smug grin which promptly fell when he met eyes glittering so dangerously, they might just shoot out fire or laser beams at him. 

“Those were my clothes,” she said in a tight, sharp voice, her hands balled before she crossed her arms to confront him.  “You threw  _ my _ clothes out the door.”

“They were evil,” his voice waned and he inched around her.  “I had to.”

“You had to toss out my favorite jeans not to mention that blue shirt you said looked brilliant on me?”  Face flushed, Rose Tyler exuded as much danger as her aforementioned cursed laundry, maybe even Dalek extermination level danger.  He swallowed hard and backed up, holding his palms out in surrender.

“Now, Rose, you know I wouldn’t just throw out your things…very nice things,” he quickly amended, “without good reason, very, very good reason.  World ending reason.”

“The world is going to end over my laundry?” she asked through gritted teeth, stalking after him until he bumped against the console, with her standing over him somehow and despite her petite stature. 

“Uh yes, actually.  But not now. No, no, no, now we have a chance to avert disaster.  Speaking of which, we need to go to Earth and see Jackie.”

“Without my laundry,” she reiterated.

“Exactly!” He spun around and began working the controls.  “Besides, you’re the one who brought up an invasion. I mean we better hop to it.  Jackie needs us.”

Rose growled, actually growled as she stood at the controls, shooting him looks that if she’d been another species, would have singed him.  Luckily for him, she was still human Rose. Or was she? He stumbled over his controls at that thought. She remembered some of the loops. Questioned him on them.  Sometimes anticipated or accepted odd happenings as normal. Would a human exposed to time loops do that? No.

His temples began throbbing at the implication.  He could not deal with this whilst solving the loop, no more than he could change his own past that caused the whole Torchwood debacle to begin with.  The past. There was the real ghost in this story. The past haunted him, taunted him like the voice in the Void.

They landed with barely a sound. 

“I’ll be with Mum.  You do whatever.”

“Bazoolium!” he shouted and raced after as she opened the door.  “Can’t forget that.” Although he wished he could. Maybe he should have tossed that out as well?  He eyed her pocket.

“Don’t even think it.”  Oh no. She couldn’t know his thoughts.  He checked. Yep, all telepathic barriers fine.

“I don’t know what’s got you so wound up but I can take a good guess.”  She paused in the doorway, staring at him expectantly.

“What?” he answered lightly, tugging at his ear. 

“A storm is coming.”  She looked down, toeing her trainer against the threshold.  “And you know what that devil thing said. You’ve not been acting right, been jumpy and neither of us is sleeping well.  It’s like we’re on the cusp of something. And you won’t talk about it. Just—” She heaved a sigh and lifted her head. “You don’t want to talk about it but it’s still there, hanging between us.”

“Nothing hangs between us.  I won’t let it.” He stepped closer to her, mixing their personal spaces until there was not just the Doctor and Rose but them.  He cupped her cheek, thumb caressing her cheekbone.

“I can’t lose you.”  His hearts skipped a beat and the world muffled around them as he focused on just Rose. 

“You said that earlier.”  She wrapped her hand around his and leaned her face into his palm.  “And you won’t. I’m never gonna leave you.”

“Not even for a parallel world?  One where you and your mum could have a family?”  He snapped his mouth shut. Why did he say that?

“Doctor,” she drew out in a long-suffering tone.  “No parallel universe would keep us part. And I love my mum. She’s part of my life but all kids leave home to build their own life and make their own choices.  You once told me you did the same, left home and went on adventures.”

“But I had a home to go back to until—” He couldn’t breathe.  Why were they having this discussion? They were on Earth, had to see Jackie, Torchwood and deal with invasions.  His chest constricted as guilt nearly strangled him. How could he be so selfish to deny her a home?

“Home is where we make it,” she said as if again sensing his thoughts.  He could barely move at how intuitive and empathetic she had become around him.  The way she slid her hand up his arm, the warmth that penetrated through his suit coat and layers only emphasized how connected they really were.

“You’ll always have a home with me, or me and whoever else we meet and make family with,” Rose continued, gaze penetrating until he immersed himself in golden-brown eyes, wanting to believe he could have all that with her.  Even as reality snickered outside.

But the word  _ Family _ resonated deeply enough to fight back against apprehension or the way time pounded at him to get on with this time loop and do his duty.  At that one moment, his thoughts anchored in how his prior body had grudgingly embraced Rose, her mother, Mickey and a certain former Time Agent as family. 

A dull ache formed in his chest.  That false security had cracked and events spun out of control based on his emotional choices.  

_ Just yours? _ That silky voice inside prodded.   _ Many people made choices that day.  Including the one who changed everything.  She’s there in front of you. You can’t run from this.  You know how to fix it. _

He cleared his throat, trying to get a grip and sweep all the rubbish of his inner voice and his past back in the closet where it belonged.  He had to focus on the present.  _ Like how close Rose is and how her lips had tasted last time he kissed her. _

Ahhh madness, his faithful companion.  Maybe madness had a point.

“Rose Tyler.” He breathed out her name and leaned down, angling his head pausing to see what she’d do.  It was her choice and one she made without hesitation. It wasn’t just time that pulled him toward her lips, which parted as if ready to welcome him. She tugged him closer, making a choice.

Warmth flushed through him at the first brush of lips.  Coffee, sweet smoky bacon and a tangy essence he identified as Rose slid across his tongue as they dove head first into a snog.  His inner voice growled in satisfaction as her fingers clawed into his suit, the fabric pulled tight across his shoulders. Wrapping his arms around her came naturally, just like how she fit perfectly against him.

He slowed time just to enjoy each graze of her teeth, each tender nip and the way she darted her tongue in his mouth.  Rapture, he finally understood what that meant. Liquid warmth pulsing through him combined with that bump of noses and groan vibrating in her chest.  Or was that him.

A loud ring interrupted them.

“Sorry,” she murmured against his mouth.  She pulled out her mobile and pressed it to her ear.  “Hi, Mum, we’re just on our way up.” She smiled, her face flushed and she straightened his tie.  “Yeah, okay. See ya.” She rang off.

“Let me guess.  She’s got a surprise for us.” The Doctor stated with slight bitterness.  Time loops had rubbish timing. He ignored the flutter of amusement at that statement.

“Why do I think you know what it is?” she asked, running a hand through her hair and backed out of the TARDIS.  He followed her, shutting the door behind him.

“Just a feeling.  After all, you put it into the universe, didn’t you?  Invasion. And this is Earth.” He waved his hand around.  She looked up at the sky.

“It was the snog wasn’t it?  Can’t snog the Time Lord without the universe going to shit?” she grumbled.  He bit back a chuckle.

“Come on, your mum awaits with a surprise that’s not really a surprise.”  He grabbed her hand and off they went to see Jackie, like a twisted Wizard of Oz scene.  Only with messy kisses, bazoolium and a not-ghost.

Everything went as expected.   “It’s not a ghost, it’s an invasion and yes, it’s all over the world,” he recited with boredom, still gripping Rose’s hand.  Not letting her go this time. Nope.

“You don’t know that.  You haven’t been here and seen what the ghosts mean to us,” Jackie retorted.

“I think he knows, Mum.  He knows a lot of things.  He’s just not talking…yet.”  He flinched at the ominous tone of that  _ yet _ .  Time Lords and the Celestial Intervention Agency had nothing on Rose Tyler interrogation tactics.  At least with him.

“Yes well, we should be off,” he stated, interrupting what he was sure would be Tyler women having at him.  “We have an invasion to stop and an evil governmental agency to overthrow and all that.”

“And Mum’s coming with us,” Rose added with a nod.

“Of course,” the Doctor choked on the words.  This must be the end of him or his final acceptance to being domesticated.  Him, last of the Time Lords. Maybe that was part of the loop. Acceptance of this new aspect of his life.

They led a reluctant Jackie back to the TARDIS. 

“I better not end up on Mars,” Jackie muttered as they took off for Torchwood.

One more landing and again the Doctor faced a battalion of gun carrying guards.

“Right, this time the three of us go out as a group.”

“This time?” Rose asked.  He faced the two women and bit his tongue.  He really needed to watch what he said.

“Oh, you know facing off against the gun-waving hoard.  Not like we haven’t done this before.” He paused, mind racing on how to fix his slip-up.  “Slitheen!” He suddenly shouted, eyes sparkling with a manic glee at his brilliant excuse.  Good on him.

“That was different,” Rose responded with just a touch of disbelief and sharp accusation.

“Naw, same thing.  Torchwood, UNIT all obsessed with me as you know,” he sniffed and dragged a hand through his hair.

“How could I forget,” Rose quipped and leaned closer to her mum.  “Just go out with your hands up in the air and let Earth’s Number One Alien Offender talk himself into a cell.”

“That sounds about right,” Jackie said with a sigh and a slight narrowing of her eyes at him.

“And then we save him,” Rose added and the two walked toward the door.

“Where did I lose control?” he muttered, following them out and shutting the door.

“Hello, Torchwood!”  He grinned and wiggled his fingers, palms up in surrender.  “I’m the Doctor and these lovely ladies are Rose and Jackie Tyler.  Please take us to your not so illustrious leader, Yvonne the Terrible.”

Rose jammed her trainer on his foot followed by a glare.  He ignored the slight pain and winked at her as Yvonne marched out doing her same spiel as if he hadn’t just changed things up.  He grabbed Rose’s hand.

Nothing changed. 

Void ship still there, only this time he caught a glance at Mickey in the background.  A slight twitch of his conscious hit. 

“That one’s mine,” he tapped the screen and Yvonne ordered Mickey brought up to them.  He breathed out a sigh as Rose’s thumb caressed his knuckles. Jackie somehow glomped onto his other side.  

He didn’t sense any relief from the icy tendrils of oncoming death slithering through Torchwood, oozing across timelines of the humans manning the evil facility.   He reasoned someone had to die. Just not his someone…or her mother…or Mickey or anyone else he deemed important.

A giggle bubbled up at the thought just as the unscheduled ghost shift happened.

“This isn’t funny,” Rose whispered harshly.

“You just don’t see it yet but you will.”  He rocked back on his heels. 

Jackie frowned. “Is he always like this?”

“You have no idea,” Rose responded in a very condemning tone.  He ignored them as the rest of the loop pushed on. He didn’t even try and investigate, just yanked out an ear pod from one of the already Cyberized employees.

“Doctor!” Rose chastised even as she flinched away. 

“You killed her!” Jackie accused as Yvonne’s lips pressed tight and even she flinched.

“She was already dead.  You recognize what this is, Rose?”  He asked, staring down, a certain detachment forming around him even as he continued to grip Rose’s hand.

“Yeah, I see it.  But it can’t be.”

“Just like Mickey?” he asked and arched a brow at her.  Her eyes widened. “What do you think, Yvonne?” he asked with a cocky drawl to her name.  “Care to hunt down more pesky aliens masquerading as ghosts that you, I dunno, let invade Earth?” 

He was over pretending, and quite ready to drive a stake through the heart of the dead woman walking in front of them.  A vicious satisfaction thudded in his chest at how she raised her chin, refusing to admit she made a mistake. Ahhh ego, his favorite.

“Doctor, I don’t think this is a good idea,” Rose said as they marched to the next point on their repetitive journey.

“Oh, I don’t know, Rose.  Seems like fate to me, or is that karma?”  He burst through plastic. “Oh, look more illicit technology, all for you Yvonne!”

“Doctor, stop it.”

“Come now, Rose, this is Torchwood.  If it’s alien, it’s theirs. Let’s let Yvonne take charge of this mess and say hello to her new friends.” 

“Mum, get ready to run.”  Another burst of glee burst out as he grinned and glanced at Rose who did not share his fun. 

“What?  There’s nothing we can do.  This is fixed. You know we can’t change those things.”

“What’s happened to you?”  Rose shook her head and tried to disentangle her hand from his.

“The truth.” His face fell, hardened as he darkly watched Cybermen enter and bullets fly.  “They brought this on themselves, endangered not just a world but universes.”

“We can’t just stand here,” Rose jerked at his arm.  He sighed heavily.

“No, and we won’t.  Certain things have to happen.  We escape. They take Jackie and Yvonne and then Jackie escapes.” He turned to Jackie who trembled slightly.  “You’ll know the time, Jackie.” His voice softened at that slight hint of vulnerability in her eyes. “You always know the right thing even when it feels wrong.”  And she did. After all, she raised Rose.

“Like slapping you until you fix this,” Jackie retorted, more of that steel back in her spine.

“That’s my Jackie.”

Rose fought him through every step.  It nearly drove him over the edge. Even in Pete’s World, with Pete laying down the facts, she kept staring at him with a condemnation that stabbed him in the back.

“I don’t know who you are anymore,” she announced in the stairwell as they found Jackie who had somehow caught up with an escaped Mickey.  He ignored her, too pleased at how his tinkering finally paid off. Everything was working. An internal fist pump left him bouncing.

“But look,” he said, tugging her toward his side.  “See, Jackie and Pete. Everything is falling into place.  That’s what we’re fighting for.”

“I don’t understand you.”  She furrowed her brow staring at him, through him almost.  He swallowed hard at the intensity. “It’s like one moment, you’re mad, cold and just letting people die.  The next, you’re back to normal, saving lives and pulling some impossible plan out of the air.”

_Kiss her.  Show her you can fix this_ _and how much more you could do with her_. 

He tamped down on that voice no matter how much he wanted to kiss her.  He was so close. Close to ending the loop and she was right, close to shoving himself and everyone else over the edge.  Better that then another loop, another loss.

“I won’t let anything happen to you or Jackie.  But we have to fix this,” he insisted.

“Fix this?” she repeated.  “You’ve said that before or I have.  Why is this all so familiar like a dream?  Wait.” Her jaw dropped and she stared around the room.  “My God, we’ve dreamed this. That’s why you’re playing around.  You know!”

“We don’t have time for this,” Pete announced, Jackie at his side. 

“Don’t you talk to my daughter that way.  She’s saved this world enough that she knows what she’s doing. Even if she doesn’t get credit.”  Jackie’s acerbic comments hit home. Everyone quieted and marched onward.

Rose yanked her hand from his grasp, walking closer to Jackie, much to his annoyance.  Now was not the fucking time for her to suddenly get stroppy. He led them to the final phase.  Again, a slight bounce entered his step. Final, yes it was. He grinned his way to the end. Why not?

Pete, Jackie, Mickey and team disappeared in a flash. 

“Well that’s that,” Rose said in a voice that didn’t ring with any sort of confidence.  Nor did how she wrapped her arms around herself. “Now will you tell me the truth?” She faced him and the Doctor suddenly wasn’t sure what to say.  He relied on the loop.

“We have to open the breech between universes, into the Void and allow it to collapse in on itself, locking away Daleks and Cybermen with it.”

“No,” She dropped her arms and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.  “It’s not just that. It’s you, how you’ve been acting. There’s something else.”

“Rose, we have to get this done.”  Daleks screeched  _ exterminate _ .  Cybermen recited  _ delete _ .  Gunfire echoed.

“Yeah, we have to save the world but at what cost?”

“I can’t lose you,” his voice shook from the emotion, the memories of all the times he’d lost her, from her dying in his arms and the voice pounding inside of him, urging him to finish everything, use his power and show this planet and universe what a Time Lord can do.

“I keep telling you, you won’t.” She grasped both his hands in hers.

_ The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon. _

“No!” He yanked his hands away and dug his fingers into his temple.  “You don’t hear it but it’s there. It wants us to suffer, die over and over again.  That fucking thing in the Void. It feeds on our pain. It’s why you’re so tired and why we have to fix this!”

A voice sounded over the building communication system.  Sphere activated.

“Wait, I thought it already was?” Rose looked toward the white wall which shimmered.  An electric charged raise the hair on her head.

“The Daleks have modified the particle engines.  They’re using the Sphere as a focal point to disburse enough energy to destroy the Cybermen and every living thing on the planet.”

“Like the Delta Wave on Satellite Five.”  Rose laced her fingers with his. “It’s coming full circle.”

“What did you say?”  All his breath escaped at how she summed everything up.

“Us, the Daleks, end of the world.  And you’ve known. You’ve felt it and so have I even if I didn’t know it.  This is how we die isn’t it?”

“No, I’ll…I mean I can—” He stopped and squeezed his eyes tight.  Rose was right. They had come full circle. He refused to allow regret or pain to rob him of his last moments with Rose.  Wasn’t this just wizard. Another end of the world.

“At least we’re together,” he muttered and then the irony of how often they’d ended up here overwhelmed any sense of purpose.  Or anything. Hysterical laughter burst out so much his respiratory bypass kicked in.

“Doctor, we can’t just stand here and die!” Rose insisted and tried to pull her hand away.

“Oh yes, we can,” he assured her with gusto.  “I mean every fucking time we end up here. Sometimes you die, I die, we get sucked into the fucking void.  By the way—” He aimed an obscene hand gesture at the white wall. “Ha! You lose. Cause I’ve got Rose and we’re gonna be together no matter what.  Even if the whole fucking world explodes!”

“Doctor, stop it!” she shouted and slapped him with her free hand.  He winced slightly, lips still twitching in amusement. 

“That stings in all the best ways.  It’s glorious. Just not as glorious as what I’d like for us to be.  We’d be so good. That kiss was just—” He pulled her close and kissed the top of her hand still clamped tightly in his.  “You have no idea how much I love you, how deep and encompassing my feelings have always been. I always held back and now look at us.”

“If you love me then fix this!” she shouted as the lights flickered and a sonic boom shook the building.

“I’ve tried so many times.  Even today. I tried so hard.”  He peppered her hand with soft kisses, glancing at how her eyes widened at their approaching doom.  “Your mother is safe. The explosion will seal off this universe.”

“But everyone will die.” Tears filled her eyes and he pulled her into his arms.  “Some might live. The universe is funny that way. Spare some. Kill others and never who you think should live.  Look at us.” He tightened his arms around her and his amusement faded. He looked down to find her watching him.

“Everything ends.  Everything dies, doesn’t it?” she asked. 

“Sometimes it just starts over.”

She blinked and shook her head before a light of understanding fell across her face.  “Or sometimes you wish it back to life. Doctor, I…think I know. And this is wrong. We can’t—”

“I love you.”  He inserted. “This isn’t the end.  Told you, the universe is funny that way.  Sooo, how about we end this time doing something better than just falling into the Void, getting shot or whatever other horrible thing the universe has in store?”

“You are mad,” she assured in a husky voice.  “And for some reason I believe you.”

The Doctor didn’t hesitate.  In one romantic, toe tingling snog, teeth clashing and lips nipped, the world ended.  But not forever… At least, not yet.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update but a longer one is coming. Yes, I added a chapter onto the total because my chapters keep ending up too long.
> 
> WARNING: NSFW explicit scene about half way through this chapter. I am upping the rating for this chapter.
> 
> Thank you again to Hellostarlight20 for beta although I did add a few things after she looked at it ;)

The Doctor really hated sleep.  And not just because of nightmares.  There was that horrible realization when you awaken, like someone viciously yanked open curtains, allowing heat and light to invade the sanctity of a beloved cocoon of comfort.  After a time loop, it was like a laser beam burned straight into his brain with some evil being cackling nearby.

Wait, that was Rose groaning.

He opened his eyes and found himself, slumped onto the console.  The dematerialization knob dug into his spleen. Lovely.

“My head is killing me and we didn’t even drink last night.  Did we? Everything’s sort of fuzzy,” Rose slurred, collapsing against a support strut. 

The Doctor rolled his head to the side and looked at her. Deliciously rumpled, that soft blue hoody tempted him with its zipper part way down, exposing a tiny slip of skin.  She blinked blearily and stared at her hand.

“Where’s my tea?  Or was it coffee this morning?”  Her nose wrinkled in that delightful way when she was only half awake and only beginning to focus.

He licked the essence of Rose off his lips from the last loop.  Even a cataclysmic end to that adventure couldn’t erase the memory of how she clung to him, the passion she conveyed in that last brilliant kiss.

He wanted more.

And no more time loops, just he and Rose snogging and enjoying each other.   _ Maybe even more than enjoying each other _ , his inner voice suggested.  He smirked. The thought sank deep into his bones.  To be loved passionately and unreservedly and return that love tenfold was worth a thousand time loop deaths.

The hint of it lay in Rose’s eyes at the end of the last loop.  They shared yearning as well as a fear of taking that final step, crossing from deep friendship to eternal lovers.  And his love for Rose echoed across the stars in the form of temporal ripples he could no longer contain.

Each loop, all his efforts, futile as they may be wore on him as much as they etched his feelings into time itself.  The Doctor, the Oncoming Storm, Ka Faraq Gatri, feared, worshipped, despised and savior was tired. Why should he continue to try again and again only to lose?  It wasn’t fair.

“You all right over there?”  Rose tripped over the accursed laundry bag.

“How’d that get there?  I don’t remember—” She trailed off, her hand tangled in her hair as she stared down at the duffle bag.

“Seems like it’s always there,” he muttered and glared at the time rotor.  Somehow the TARDIS was part of this, assuring he remained on task. Not this time.

He ambled over to her, a soft warmth flushing through him.  She looked up and smiled sleepily at him.

“I love you.”  Funny how the words slipped out easier.  She stilled and blinked at him.

“Sorry did you say you loved me?” Rose’s voice sounded rough as if she just rolled over in bed.  Or maybe that was him, wanting to see her, just waking up, curled into his side, warm and tempting.

“I can’t not say it.  Not anymore and especially not now.”  The Doctor tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, his fingers trailing her jaw line.

“Why now?  Not that I’m complaining.  I mean, well—” Her face turned down for a moment before she met his gaze, a sparkle in the depths of her eyes.  “It’s just I never thought you’d say it even though it’s what I always think every time we hold hands. Or bump against each other or you know, breath the same air.”

Laughter bubbled up unfettered and free.  Funny how not giving a fuck about saving the universe allowed one to just be and live in the moment.  He stilled as timelines stretched and his head pounded with resisting the time loop. 

“I held back for so long.” His voice lowered, rumbling with intensity.  “Now I know I shouldn’t have and I don’t want to anymore. Our time together will never be long enough.”  His throat thickened with emotion. Memories of losing her, to death, the Void or another universe burned in his chest.

“Doctor, I love you, too and I’m not going anywhere.”  Rose stepped closer, her hands pressed against his chest, his hearts racing at her touch.

“We don’t always have a choice, do we?” He snorted and slid his arms around her waist, up her back, pulling her tight until he buried his nose in her neck.  “The universe isn’t fair.”

“What do you mean?”  Rose pulled back, their lips so close he could taste that bit of mint on her breath from when she last cleaned her teeth.

“A storm is coming.  Remember? I told you that didn’t I?”  He swept his gaze around the TARDIS, the echoes of the time loop he avoided beginning to pummel his ship, tremors just beginning to vibrate along the grating.

“I don’t care.” Rose dug her fingers into his lapels.  “Whatever it is, we’ll face it together like always.”

“Not this one.” Bitterness sharpened his voice.  Only Rose tempered him, but not all of him, not this time. 

_ Just this once, take what you want.  There’s no one to stop you. _

The Doctor no longer had any interest in fighting his inner voice, mad nor not, he’d done his duty.  He wanted something for  _ him _ this time.

“So much pain and suffering could happen if we let it, even to the point of destroying us,” he stated with an arrogant, detachment.  “We go to Earth and it all unravels. People will die. That is fixed.”

“Then we don’t go back.” Rose’s voice hitched slightly, but she still clung to him. 

A smile emerged, turning up the corners of his mouth.  So brave and faithful, his Rose. He could sense thoughts spinning in her head, giving up going home, seeing her mother, sacrificing her personal desires and needs to save her planet.

“If it were only that easy.  You know how time is. You’ve seen it, haven’t you?”  He cupped her cheek, lifting her face until he stared deep into her eyes, the same eyes that saw the magnificence of time.

“I don’t remember any of that.” She tried to look away but he held her firm.

“Don’t you?  It frightens you because you’ve seen something you don’t want to face.”

“What that thing in the pit said.”  Her voice hitched and she pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself.  “It said I’d die.”

“And I said it lied and it did.”  He wrapped his arms around her pulling her back against his chest, gently offering her comfort. 

“But time seems to have claimed you and I as guardians of sort.  It forces us into battles we’d like to avoid and it’s coming to a head.”  The Doctor stilled. Why did he say that? Stupid time loop tried to control him.  A burning rebellion fought back. He turned her around in his arms and pressed his forehead against hers.

“A battle will happen on Earth.  Every second, time is grasping at us—me, you and the TARDIS.  It’s a bully demanding our sacrifice and violently forcing us to be in instrument of change on Earth, to stop or hinder events or even make things happen.  But I won’t let it. Not this time.”

“What do you mean  _ not this time _ ?”

“Can we just not with the questions and arguing?” He groaned and pulled away, raking fingers through his hair.  “I’m trying to save lives and give us a decent ending.”

“I don’t understand.”  Rose’s brow furrowed and she shook her head.  Bloody hell but he was awful at seduction. Might as well as put it all on the table.

“Time wants to fuck with us by thrusting us into the middle of a big ball of ugly death, destruction and Void monster horribleness.”  He eyed the laundry. “And it all starts with laundry.” He itched to hurl it out into the vortex again. But that would annoy Rose.

“Laundry is gonna kill us?”  She cocked her head to the side, a slight smile emerging.

“I’m trying to tell you thousands will die, we will suffer or meet a grim fate if we go to Earth.”

“But if it’s fixed, won’t there be reapers?”  Some days he hated her logic. The Doctor squeezed her shoulders in an attempt to convey his need for her.

“It’s not fixed exactly.” Time loop exceptions he mused.  But Rose still scrutinized him. “We still have free will,” he emphasized. “But there are consequences. Not necessarily the reaper kind.  I—” He grasped for words and Rose’s eyes bored into him. He had no right to steal time from her, time from her planet or from Jackie.

“Tell me.” One simple command. The Doctor couldn’t deny her and he couldn’t deny this moment between them, this loop which he would make sure ended with them together.  Nothing else mattered to him.

“We draw the destructive nature of time into the vortex with us, wrapping it around us in one spectacularly explosive temporal point.”

“Explosive,” she repeated, never flinching or looking away. “We die and the people on Earth get another chance.” Her words cut into him, into his ethics, into his morality and his vow to do no harm.

“Maybe we die or maybe we live or time just has a go with us.” That part wasn’t a lie at least.  The time loop would reset. He was sort of sure it would…maybe.

“You told me you loved me because you don’t expect to live or regenerate.  And because the beast in the pit was right.” Her voice shook and tears glistened in her eyes as her confidence ebbed.

“I told you because I do love you, have loved you since my prior self.” He rushed over to Rose, his hearts racing as he slid his hand down her arms to grasp her hands in his.  “I told you because I need for you to know and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I’m tired of trying to hold back, tired of holding everything back.”

He tugged her forward and brushed his lips against hers.  Sparks flew between them in the form of neurons firing at that tiny contact.  Pheromones permeated the air as Rose slid her hands against his chest, slightly digging her fingers into his shirt.

Memories of snogging her into oblivion surfaced.  He drew her bottom lip into his mouth until heat between them built.  Too many layers were in the way. 

“Doctor,” she moaned.  “Are you sure?”

“I’m always sure of you, Rose Tyler.”

“And time?” she murmured her tongue laving his bottom lip.

“Will sort itself.”

He shrugged off his coat, tossing it aside.  The TARDIS shook and trembled. Rose’s breath hitched.

“It’s going to get bumpy.  Guess I’ll have to distract you?”  He teased before he lifted her up. They bumped noses, both giggling before her mouth met his. Rose wrapped her legs around his hips.  Heat burst between them and the Doctor immersed himself in just feeling. 

A groan from deep within her travelled through him.  Each swipe of a tongue, press of lips, flutter of a muscle drove him onward.  Time lines seared through and around him and he didn’t care.

Lust curled through his limbs settling low in his abdomen.  The Doctor set Rose down near the jump seat. Clothing was shoved aside or slipped off.  His breath hitched when her hand curled around his erection. Erotic pressure pulsed, growing, blossoming into an awareness he had repressed for too long.  Rose nipped at his neck, moved her hands upward, fingers raking through his hair until his toes curled. This is what living meant. More than surfing the Vortex, better than manipulating time or focusing power into a super nova.

The Doctor brushed his mind against hers, seeking permission to deepen their connection, thoughts and feelings entangling.  An explosion of rapturous warmth and colors burst forth like nothing he’d ever experience. Human passion was brilliantly chaotic.

Rose collapsed back onto the jump seat as the ship shook and coral rained down around them.  Uncertainty dimmed the kaleidoscope of her feelings.

“There is nothing but us.”  His voice lowered and deepened, the pompous attitude of a Time Lord.  For once the Doctor embraced it, the arrogance and power stalling the maelstrom forming around them. 

She splayed her legs, cradling her hips.  This would end too soon given how much he wanted to worship her, tease her with his tongue and taste her orgasms.  Her fingers trailed through her curls, glistening with desire which she soon slicked over his erection.

He wrapped her in his time lines, taking her perceptions from the destruction of the Vortex to a place in his mind where he could covet her, laying in a field of scarlet grass, her golden hair shining in the orange light.

_ Finally _ , his mad inner voice shouted with glee.  Pulsing, drumming, ever-ripping time raged around them.  He moved over her, sliding his hands over warm, pink skin, cupping breasts which he flicked with his tongue, racing upward to her neck, nipping her like she did him.  His fingers danced downward, teasing and testing her wetness, dipping inside to tease her.

Her breath quickened and she moaned his name, the sound a caress penetrating deep into his mind.

Cloister bells tolled and the TARDIS screamed.  None of it mattered as he sheltered her. He thrust inside her at each swell of time, her wet heat welcoming him.  The time rotor exploded. Sparks rained down with each pound of his flesh against hers. Rose tightened her legs around his hips.  Pleasure, warm and liquid flowed through him like a rapturous tide, rising up to carry him to rapture.

Head thrown back Rose channeled time like the goddess she had once been, the essence still lingering at the cellular level.  She wouldn’t survive.

But neither would he.  And there was no way he’d rather go than embedded in her mind and body.  Each sweet squeeze and flutter of her muscles washed away his sins. Peace.  He angled his thrusts to give her the sweet release she offered him, had always offered him.

She bit his shoulder, marking him, claiming him the way he yearned.

“Please!” he shouted as they both convulsed in a climax as time shattered around them until waves of shuddering pleasure coursed through both of them into immersing them into a state of bliss, fading into time, into each other, free, happy and joyous, just the Doctor and Rose Tyler forever in time.

But time wouldn’t let them go that easily.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this is angsty and yes there is a twist but this is a Time Loop and it starts over next chapter :)
> 
> Thanks always to hellostarlight20 for betaing although it was tinkered with after she saw it and all errors are mine :)

“You have got to be kidding me.” The Doctor dangled, hanging upside down from the rafters, his head six feet from the grating.  Sharp chastising pain knifed through his forehead.

“Fine, yes, I get it.  I should not have fucked my way through the loop and destroyed all of us including you.”

The time rotor pulsed once.

“And I’m very, very, sorry.”  He winced as he flailed, one cable dropping him suddenly a few feet down before jolting him to a stop.

“Yes, very sorry and I know I need to talk to Rose.” He gritted his teeth as one cable unwound around his left leg, leaving him awkwardly hanging by one ankle. The ship shuddered, shaking the console. 

“This would be a very undignified way to regenerate.”  He cleared his throat. “I promise I won’t blow up the vortex—or you—again.”

“What the hell are you doing?”  Rose walked in and dropped her laundry bag to the ground.

“Maintenance,” he drew out and eyed the console.  “And I went a little too far. I’m afraid the TARDIS is cross with me.”  The time rotor pulsed twice.

Rose sighed and walked over, placing a hand on the control panel.  “I’m sorry. I promise if you let him down, I won’t let him do any more maintenance.  I’ll even take his mallet away.” Rose reached over and tucked the mallet in her back pocket before eyeing the Doctor.

“Yes, I will be a good Time Lord.” Telepathically he cursed, and again apologized.  He dropped to the floor landing on his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he grumbled, standing up and brushing himself off.  He glared at the laundry bag.

“I suppose I need to take you home to Earth so you can have Jackie do laundry and we can solve the next Earth crisis.” He reluctantly dragged his gaze from the offensive laundry.

“How about without a crisis?” Rose asked, taking her position at the controls, fingers tracing over the navigation toggle 

He snorted, striding over to his controls. “Not possible.”  Rose arched a brow at him.

“We could at least try,” she drew out.  “Then again doesn’t seem to work that way.”  She let her words hang and stared at the time rotor, her brow furrowing. 

“Now you’ve jinxed us,” he said quickly looking away.  He knew that contemplative expression all too well and where it would lead—faded time loop memories and more questions.  If only she knew how much she really did jinx them. Then again, jinx wasn’t the right word or fair to her. It wasn’t Rose’s fault.

_ You know who’s fault it is _ .  He much preferred mad sex obsessed inner voice to the one that now dug into his guilt. 

_ Fix this. Tell her. _

Fix this.  Those words pummeled at his mind.  Much to his aggravation, he was no closer to fixing it.  Telling her….he could but, what good would come of that? No, he wouldn’t burden her with his problems.  He would solve this. He’d learned, followed the ebb and flow of the loop and now knew that fighting against it ended in failure. 

He watched Rose, the blue glow of the console reminding him of how she’d merged with him, bright and passionate in the prior loop.  They’d been magnificent together. He coveted those memories. And maybe that was enough to push onward with this next version, no matter what painful decisions he had to make.

He set the coordinates without looking.  Honestly, everything was automatic by  _ both _ of them at this point.

“Mum will be glad to see us,” Rose said with hesitation, breaking the silence hovering between them.  Again, she stumbled over slow words, a questioning look in her eyes. He stared at the time rotor. What could he say that he hadn’t already said about Jackie?

“There really is something bad going to happen isn’t there?” Rose asked or really stated.

“Oh, we’re definitely on the jinx train to jinx-o-rama,” he said with flourish.  “With laundry,” he added. 

“That’s a bit over the top,” Rose tartly admonished.  “Laundry isn’t bad and—” She paused and suddenly slammed a control.  “Don’t go thinking about tossing it out the door.” Her mouth opened and closed a few times as amusement tickled up his spine.  Her memories had awful timing even if he loved her irate tone. 

“I don’t know why I said that,” she confided and shook her head.  “Anyway, Mum left me a voice mail saying she had a surprise. So, whatever you think is going to happen that you’re not telling me, I think my mum is in the middle of it somehow.”  She turned back to the controls.

“She is Jackie,” he answered as vaguely as possible.  They’d already hit all the marks of the loop. Going home to Jackie.  Laundry. The oncoming invasion issue. Jackie’s surprise. All that was left was landing which they did with a bone-jarring thud.

“Right, laundry!”  He swooped down and hoisted it over his shoulder, striding toward the door.  He paused when he didn’t hear her following. “Coming?” he asked over his shoulder.

“It’s bad isn’t it?” she tugged at the zipper on her hoody.  “I can tell. I can almost feel it, like bugs crawling up my back.”

Of course she did.  The rucksack fell to the floor.  Hands shoved in his pockets he ambled over to her, noting the worry lines etched on her face.

“There’s always something bad that’s going to happen.  Just like there’s always something good. We just have to make sure we stack the odds toward the good.” 

“Yeah, I suppose.”  A weak smile turned up the corners of her mouth.  Unable to resist his compulsion to hold her, he tugged her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she nestled against him. 

“We always figure these things out.”  He brushed his lips across her temple and warmth roared through him at the telepathic connection.

Rose’s breath hitched and she gripped his upper arms, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“That’s new,” he sputtered meeting her gaze.

“Good new or bad new?” Rose asked.

“Good, definitely  _ good _ .” He meant every word.  Every loop something changed, be it a word, action or feeling.  They were changing, the two of them. No denying it. He failed at the loops but their relationship forged onward unimpeded by repetition, invasions or unpleasant ends.

“Rose, I’m sorry for so much.  I…haven’t been the friend you deserve.  No, that’s not right.” His hands fell to her waist and he dug his fingers into soft curves he now knew very well.

“You’re my best friend,” Rose inserted.  “More than really.” Her eyes fluttered down and her cheeks stained pink.

“I love you.” He would never get over how those three words rocketed through him with elation. “No matter what happens today, please remember that.”

“I love you, too,” her voice choked, and eyes glistened.  He didn’t hesitate and pulled her close, fitting his lips over hers, enjoying this one reprieve, as she softened and drew his tongue into a deep kiss that held nothing back.

They parted and he cleared his throat.  “Right, anyway.” He stepped back nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck.  Rose’s face flushed, and she smiled with a cat-ate-the-canary expression.

“Laundry,” she finally teased after straightening his tie. “And unless my alien senses are wrong, an invasion, yeah?”

“Alien senses?  Since when?” he sputtered, eyeing her up and down. 

“Not like that, you plum!” She rolled her eyes at him. “My detecting appears to be much stronger than yours Sarge, and right now, my keen observations tell me you’re nervous, we’re on Earth and due for an invasion.”

She wasn’t half wrong.  About both the invasion and her ability to sense trouble.  In fact, each loop she had grown more adept and not just from the loop.  He couldn’t ignore it anymore. Rose had grown, adapted, changed and was still changing.  The anomaly in the loop. It had been in front of him all along. 

“Well, Lewis, let’s get to it.”  He hauled up the laundry and held open the door for her.  A new nervous energy entered the mix. As they walked into Jackie’s flat, and he allowed himself to be assaulted by sloppy affection, he reviewed the facts.

Torchwood caused the invasion.  Torchwood had been created by Queen Victoria.  He and Rose had inspired Queen Vicki’s actions.  And Rose was somehow evolving senses he didn’t understand.  Then again, maybe he did. She’d always been empathic to a degree.  He’d enjoy the subtle connection established between them even if she wasn’t aware it was there.  Or was she?

Oh, that added a twist.  Maybe she was more aware than he thought.  He watched her talking to Jackie.

“Bazoolium,” he shouted over his shoulder, pacing around the tiny living room from the window to the telly.

“This whole loop is about us,” he muttered to himself, eyeing the kitchen for the next step in the loop. 

Or maybe this was his fault. A dull ache formed in his chest as guilt assailed him, the heavy weight of repercussions for his many sins banded around him.  The ghost appeared. He swallowed hard as Rose examined it, poking at it with her finger.

“Rose, stop that!” Jackie admonished.  Rose rubbed her fingers together and examined the ghost.  Just like he would have. His heart sank further. He loved Rose for her curiosity and ability to analyze a problem in a way he couldn’t.  Now he saw something he recognized reflected in her actions.

One loop Jackie accused Rose of turning into him.  He couldn’t allow that. It stopped him short. All of this was his fault including the changes to Rose.  The last loop was the culmination of his selfishness and manipulation. Rose deserved better and it was about time he made that his priority.  His mouth dried at the thought. Of losing Rose, of losing the one person in the universe who understood, who forgave him, who…loved him for him. 

“Doctor?” He jumped as she gripped his shoulder.

“Right, it’s not a ghost.  Jackie’s not mad and we need to stop the dodgy governmental organization that’s causing this.”

“You figured that out while Mum and me argued over whatever it is?”

“It’s an invasion.  You’re right. You’re always right,” he admitted.  “So, Jackie?” He eyed the older blonde woman who looked ready to spit nails.

“Fancy a trip to overthrow an agency more interested in alien stuff than keeping you safe?”

With reluctance and a lot of Rose cajoling, Jackie joined them.  While mother and daughter argued, he again studied Torchwood records and again, stalled on a familiar face.  Why? Why Jack Harkness and why was he part of the one organization that kept destroying the world and taking Rose from him? 

“I don’t like it,” Jackie interrupted his thoughts.  “It was a good thing for everyone until he showed up.”

“Mum they aren’t people.” Rose attempted to reassure Jackie.

“How do you know?” Jackie demanded, arms crossed, her chin raised in Tyler defiance the Doctor knew so well.

“I just do.  None of this is right.  People don’t come back from the dead all of a sudden.  And look at how they showed up all over the world. It just…it’s wrong and whatever they are, they’re using your emotions against you.”

“You don’t know that,” Jackie again insisted.

“Yes, I do.  It’s an invasion and we have to stop it.” Rose insisted and the Doctor paused.  The certainty and force in her voice struck through him. 

“What happened to my daughter,” Jackie asked, shaking her head and drawing his thoughts away from how intuitive Rose had become each loop. 

Jackie aimed a piercing look at him and the Doctor flinched.  “You’ve done this. Look at her.”

“Mum, I’m still me.  Your daughter who loves you and has always wanted to protect you.”

“But with alien stuff.” Jackie again insisted until the Doctor was ready to bend time to avoid this discussion.

He landed them with a barely a thump.  What could he say to Jackie to appease her?  Rose was still Rose. She cared. She always cared.  But Jackie possessed an innate motherly sense he couldn’t deny.  Her daughter had changed, grown up, become a woman and yes, she now seemed adept at sensing pivotal and fixed events like invasions. 

Rose sighed and ran a hand through her hair before pulling Jackie aside.

“Maybe I’ve seen enough to understand how dangerous the universe is.  I’ve got a good head for it now. Remember how you always warned me about walking the estate after dark?” 

“It’s not the same,” Jackie argued, arms wrapped around herself.

“It is,” Rose countered, her voice even as she met Jackie’s concern and anger.  “It’s like how you knew a mugger was coming up behind us and you beat him off. Remember that time a couple of years ago?” 

“I never wanted this for you,” Jackie’s voice softened.

“And I don’t want you in danger either.  If I can help, I’m going to. You’re my mum.  All I want is for you to be safe and happy.”

“Oh sweetheart, that’s all I want for you.”  Jackie eyed the Doctor and he quickly looked away turning on the monitor and watching the armed guards.  He’d rather face them than discuss his relationship with Rose.

“Looks like time to greet our gun toting friends outside,” he spoke, cracking the tension in the air between mother and daughter.  “Jackie, I think it’s best you’re with me and Rose will be safe in the TARDIS.”

“Are you kidding me?” Rose, mimicked her mother’s earlier stance, arms crossed and ready to argue.

“Fine, you’ll come rescue us when they arrest and haul us away.”  He tugged at his ear knowing she would leave the TARDIS no matter what he did or said.

He ducked out to avoid further argument and plunged head first onward into the loop.  He maintained as much as possible, close to what he considered the prime event including hauling Jackie out of the TARDIS, insulting her and enduring her quick retorts.  Following boring and doomed Yvonne took all his patience. But follow her he did, repeating his memorized parts. He barely kept his temper at the Void ship or Yvonne’s cavalier attitude.

As the unplanned ghost shift happened, Jackie grabbed his upper arm.

“You’re just sitting there watching.  You know what’s happening, don’t you?”

“I know lots of things Jackie, like how this corrupt agency is doomed.  That these ghosts are here to slaughter all of humanity. And Rose is sitting next to the most dangerous object in the galaxy and that she’s not alone.  Mickey’s in there with her.”

“Don’t be daft.  Rose told me Mickey’s off in some other universe.  And if she’s in danger, do something!” Jackie dug her fingers into his arm.

“I’m doing as much as I can,” he snapped, standing as the storm of resentment within him lashed outward.  Not that Jackie backed down, blue eyes flashing not unlike Rose, refusing to be intimidated. Tyler women were strong that way.

“Do more.  My daughter’s in danger.  And how the hell is Mickey here and not in that other universe?”  Jackie paused and pursed her lips. “Now I sound like you. And that’s not a compliment!”

“You’re a defender of the Earth like your daughter,” he responded, a softer tone laced with pride.  “Neither you nor Rose dies, not here, not now.” He led Jackie toward Yvonne and her cyberized people.  “But these people—” He pulled out their earpieces and all the biologic material that entailed. “They’re already dead.”

“How did you know?” Yvonne demanded, fists clenched at her sides, still giving orders.

“Because we’re not alone here.  You invited them in, those ghosts of yours that aren’t ghosts.”  He paced toward the area under construction, sonic lifted and aimed ahead.  Yvonne stormed past him through sheets of plastic.

“What’s going to happen?” Jackie asked, sticking close to his side.

“You and Rose will escape, back with Mickey to a world where you can be safe.”  He leaned over and picked up familiar cyber technology before Jackie could respond and from the way she glared at him, he suspected she had a lot to say.

“Ear pieces, ear pods,” he noted.  “You see Yvonne, this world's colliding with another and you have some aliens to meet.  That is your motto, if it’s alien it’s ours? Yvonne Hartman, meet the Cybermen.” Figures appeared behind plastic curtains.

Gunfire riddled the air.  The Doctor pulled Jackie back.

“When the time comes, run, Jackie.  Don’t look back, get to the stairwell and call Rose’s phone.  We’ll come to you.”

“You said we’d be safe in another world.  You meant just us.”

“I did.” He swallowed back the raging voice inside, insisting he prevent that from happening. 

But that voice was drowned by memories of the loops where he lost Rose.  He wouldn’t let that happen again. He’d cling to the memory of the last loop, of their love, consummation and the bliss he’d experienced with her. 

“But you—” Her voice caught and she grabbed his arm again.  “She loves you. I may not like it, I may worry about the two of you, but you’re part of this family too.  And if you break her heart, I swear I will tear through every universe to drag your alien arse back to face her and explain yourself.”

The metallic clank of cybermen interrupted the moment.  All the same, a sensation of another kind of love welled within him.  Funny how everything happened so subtly. Family, love, belonging, all of that had been his.  Now he had to let it go or risk the very people who opened their hearts and home to him.

“You’ll know the right time to escape.  Don’t hesitate.”

_ “Sphere activated. Sphere activated. Sphere activated. Sphere activated,” _ a

computer voice repeated. 

Ahh he thought, doomsday called for him. Familiar time lines snapped into place.  As did the bone chilling darkness, the icy tendrils grasping at lives tightening its grip on time lines soon to snap. 

_ Fix This. _

Acceptance carved a hole in his chest right between his hearts.  Maybe fixing this meant giving Rose the best possible outcome. Clearly, that didn’t lie with him.  All those attempts ended in death. 

The Cybermen kept the Doctor for intel on Daleks, or as usual to kill him for being, well him.  They marched Jackie and Yvonne away.

“Don’t you give up!” Jackie shouted at him.  “I mean it. Don’t leave her!”

_ The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon.  _ The taunt burrowed into his mind, gnawing at him until he thought he’d go mad.  Then again, he’d pushed past mad several time loops ago.

_ Fine, we’re mad _ , the inner voice he’d grown accustomed to picked away at him even as Cybermen faced him with their ever-annoying threat to delete him.   _ Madness is no excuse to do nothing and lose all we’ve gained. _

Gained, yes, that was the point and why he needed to protect Rose and Jackie. His family.  He might die a gruesome death, be turned inside out by the universe, but he’d save them for what they gave him.   _ No, you fucking idiot _ , the voice groaned.   _ Blimey I’m thick and a bit of an annoying self-sacrificing prat _ .

He almost embraced death by Cybermen if only to gain a minute’s peace from his own irritating inner voice.  Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on his feelings at this particular time, Jake Simmons arrived, ending several Cybermen and saving him from death and regeneration. 

Again, in Pete’s World, he followed the pattern, sowing the seeds for Pete to meet Jackie and realize the potential for what he could have. Sharp pain struck through him as he watched Pete resist and yet still follow the Doctor back to the doomed Torchwood.  The drum beat of the inevitable loss pounded in the back of his head.

The one hitch arrived in the form of a Dalek just as he, Rose and company escaped from the Void Ship room and made it to the stairwell en route to find Jackie.  Of course, it would be a Dalek he thought as it shrieked  _ Exterminate _ .  He barely pushed Rose out of way in time. The charge burned across his side, the deadly current following his neural system until his entire body convulsed with searing pain.  Mickey and Pete fired at it, giving Rose enough time to drag him away.

“It missed you,” Rose’s voice broke as he writhed in pain in the dimly lit stairwell.  His organs began to fail, blurring his vision.

“You know what happens,” he gasped out, gritting his teeth as one of his hearts stopped.  His legs shook and body convulsed. 

“Please, I can’t lose you.” Rose’s voice cut through the pain. The scent of her, of Venusian Jasmine, calmed him even as her hot tears splashed onto his face.

“Still here,” he croaked.  “I’ll still be me, still love you, just different.”

“I love you, too,” she assured, stroking her fingers through his hair.

“Maybe I’ll be ginger?” he teased before a golden glow enveloped his vision.  “Rose get back! You know what happens next.”

“What happens next?” The Doctor vaguely heard Pete, thankful for the man distracting Rose.

“He’s going to heal and change.”  Soft cool lips pressed against his fevered forehead.  “I’ll be right here. Not going to leave you.” She slowly backed away.

He clung to her voice, to her promise as the regeneration fires burned through him, bones and skin stretching, contracting, reconfiguring, blood like acid bursting through him until he thought this was it, this is the time he doesn’t make it.  And in one starburst of energy, he screamed and flailed until cool air wooshed across his face.

First instinct post regeneration was assess.   

“Legs. I've still got legs,” he spoke, his voice different, accent more polished.  “Arms. Hands. Ooo, fingers. Lots of fingers.” He wiggled his fingers before reaching up toward his head, finger tips tracing his face.  “Ears, yes. Eyes, two. Nose, I've had worse. Chin, blimey.” Then the hair. He’d always been a bit obsessed with his hair.

“Oh lots of hair. I'm a girl!”  He sat up, fingers tugging on thick hair. “No. No. I'm not a girl.”  He eyed Rose, clinging to Mickey, watching him with glistening eyes. He bit back jealousy at how Mickey held her.  He refocused on the hair hanging over his eyes. “And I’m still not ginger. Not fair.”

He scrambled up, stumbling and falling into the wall.  Again, his gaze fell to Rose.

“And something else. Something important. I'm, I'm, I'm.”  He pushed off toward Rose. “I’m still your Doctor and still love you,” he finally spit out and coughed out a bit of golden regeneration energy.

He spun in a circle, his long legs tangling and he tripped, falling into her.

“Hello.”  A soft smile crept onto her tear streaked face.

“Hello,” he repeated, enjoying the way her palms rested against his shoulders.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“You know me, always okay.  Fantastic, molto bene?” The Doctor frowned.  “No, those don’t work. I need something new and spiffy for the new me.”

“Daleks and Cybermen,” Mickey reminded him without a hint of worry in his voice.

“What the hell just happened?” Pete demanded.

“Pete Tyler!” He grinned at the man who stood a few feet away, eyeing first Rose then him.  Time lines emerged, a tentative ribbon connecting Pete to Rose. It faded and vibrated with uncertainty not unlike Pete who clung to his rather big gun. 

“Good to see everyone’s still alive. Sorry about the ill-timed regeneration.” He flailed an arm in the air, gesturing toward the man almost like his limbs had a mind of their own.  Wouldn’t that be fun! He caught Mickey’s amused look.

“Wait, you said Daleks?” He turned back to Rose, foggy pre-regeneration memories popped in his head like bubbles. “There are Daleks here!” he repeated his voice pitched higher.  “And one shot me.” He touched his singed clothing. “That smarted, but Time Lord tricks and all that saved the day. Now then, where were we? Oh yes, Jackie! Come along, Tylers!”  He grabbed Rose’s hand and pulled her down the stairs.

Hyped up on post regeneration high, the Doctor barely contained his glee.  Yes plans, he had them and maybe they’d work this time.  _ Without Rose with me _ ? His snarling inner voice asked.  He ignored it. No time for emotions, or questions, even if they churned under the surface.  He tightened his grip on Rose’s hand.

He clung to the positive.  Rose didn’t die. He saved her, and Jackie and Pete were about to meet and seal the deal or was that plan?  Never mind, it would all work out in some wibbly wobbly way. Mental rambling. That was new. Usually he just opened his mouth and let it out.  Maybe this him was less of a talker? No. He still had a gob, always did, him.

They arrived in time to save Jackie from Cybermen.  Or Pete did really. The one highlight of the loop was watching these two find each other. Despite death, destruction and parallel universes, love really did conquer all.  At least until Jackie caught a glimpse of him mid-reunion.

“Who are you?” she demanded, glaring at how he held Rose’s hand.  “Where’s the Doctor? Why’s this one in the Doctor’s clothes?”

“Mum, he’s the Doctor,” Rose’s voice hitched slightly and he winced.  At least this time she didn’t accuse him of being a Slitheen. Rose squeezed his hand even as she trembled slightly.

“It’s me, Jackie,” he added.  “Had a bit of an accident.”

“Again?” Jackie shook her head and looked at Pete.  “At the rate he’s going through bodies, won’t be no worries about any age difference between these two.”

“I…that is I don’t usually—” Bloody hell she knew which buttons to push.  And she wasn’t even questioning him. Just accept and move on. Which was usually what Rose did when she wasn’t mourning his prior self. 

“Reunions are good and all,” Mickey interjected.  “But we still have a problem and it ain’t the Doctor’s new look.”

“There is nothing wrong with my new look,” he retorted and straightened his tie which somehow felt all wrong.  He didn’t think he was a tie man anymore. He wondered what Rose’s thoughts were on bow ties? Then again, soon it wouldn’t make a difference.  Especially not how Pete looked at Jackie. She’d have a new life, safe and away from him.

“Reunion time over.  Time to find out what our invaders are up to.”  The Doctor looked at Rose. He couldn’t not try one last time.  “You and Jackie could wait in the TARDIS. You’d be safe and I have Mr. Mickey, Jake and Pete to help.”

“I’m not leaving you.  No matter what face you wear.”  She tugged him by the tie until new lips crashed with her familiar voluptuous ones.  He softened into her, allowing her to control the kiss and him. Glorious. That was the word as her tongue darted against his and he drew her bottom lip into his mouth.  All that energy tingling inside simmered until it shot through him and into her in one sparkling snog that left her gasping and giggling.

He joined her as everyone around them sighed, murmured complaints about invasions and the end of the world not being the time for such things.  They could all stuff it. This was more than likely his snog goodbye even if Rose didn’t know it. He’d enjoy every last bit.

“Well?” he asked with anticipation.  “Not that I’m asking for a comparison…well maybe I am a little.  After all it’s not like I’ve had many opportunities for a decent rating.”

“Different,” Rose said, her voice husky.

“Oh, please,” Mickey sighed.

“You’re seriously asking my daughter about your snogging skills now?  In front of her mother?” Jackie sighed.

He ignored them all.

“Good different or bad different?” 

“Hmmm just different.  Then again, I might need further testing.”  Rose shot him a tongue teasing smile and again, he memorized it, accepting this bit of peace to cling to for the rest of his lives.

“We need to get a move on,” Jake snapped.

“Righty oh!” he answered and frowned.  “I don’t think that’s it either,” he confided much to Rose’s giggling.  He strode forward and stopped at the door, yanking her back. “Geronimo!  Now that’s got panache.” Through the door they went, narrowly missing being shot as a battle raged amongst Torchwood soldiers, Cybermen and Daleks.

He grabbed the magna clamps and led everyone to that cursed lever room.  Gathering everyone, he explained about the Void Stuff and how by opening the breach everything covered in Void material, the Cybermen and the Daleks would be pulled back into the Void.  He avoided looking at Rose.

“That’s why all of you have to go back to the parallel world.  Pete’s World!” he suggested with a huge grin. “You should call it that!”

“You want me to go with them?  To a parallel world…without you?” Rose asked, her mouth a hard line.  And there was the universal ripping pain across his chest. Regeneration was a thousand times easier than convincing Rose she needed to go.

“You’ll be safe there.  You’ve got enough Void material on you to pull you in.”

“But you’re staying?”  She crossed her arms.

“I’ve got to stay to tidy up, sweep away all the Dalek dust and Cyber cinders as it were.”  His joke fell flat as everyone stared at him unsmiling.

“But your steeped in Void stuff too,” Mickey pointed out.  “If you don’t come with us, you’ll get pulled in with the Daleks and the Cybermen.” 

Annoyance crawled across his skin.  Bloody hell, even Mickey was against him. “Time Lord.  I can handle it.”

“No, this isn’t going to work.  I’m not leaving you,” Rose insisted.

“You have to!” he shouted, flailing his arms in the air as every last bit of patience snapped.  “You don’t understand what will happen if you don’t.” 

_ She’s right.  Listen to her.  We will go mad without her. _

He dug his fingers into his scalp pacing back and forth.

“I promised you I wouldn’t leave.  There are Daleks here.” Her voice raised and turned icy.  “I’m not leaving anyone else behind ever again. Not after…”

He stopped.  Ice ran through his veins.  His hearts squeezed as she looked away, the pain palpable shooting from her directly to him suffocating him with guilt.  He knew who she referred to. It wasn’t like he didn’t bear guilt for that. And she shouldn’t. Apparently, his lying skills weren’t as up to snuff as he thought, even to protect her from her little time dip in the heart of the TARDIS.

“You’re not leaving me behind,” the Doctor assured her.  “I’m sending you away with your mother to live your life, safe from Daleks, Torchwood and me.”  Her head jerked up. Drawn magnetically to her, he gripped her shoulders fingers digging into warm soft flesh.

“No, I won’t go.  I’m staying to help.  This is my world,” Rose continued to insist.

“Well I’m not leaving her,” Jackie announced. 

The Doctor clenched his jaw, time lines bursting into flames whipping around, knotting, snapping, reknotting until he thought his head would explode from the Tyler Effect.  He should trademark it and publish how two human women so affected time and space that the multiverse convulsed around their every decision. 

“We could have a life in my world.  All of us,” Pete spoke, looking from Jackie to Rose and back to Jackie.  “It would be work, us getting to know each other. I’m not her father but I’ve seen her in action, how smart she is, so much like you, like what my Jackie used to be when we first met.  The Doctor’s right. It’s safer in my world. Tell them Micks.”

“It’s not bad.” Mickey shrugged less than convincingly to the Doctor’s mind “My gran, she’s still alive and there’s a Torchwood on that side.  Not like this lot. We run it without all the greed and evil shite these people did. There’s a place for all of us there. Even the Doctor.” Mickey inclined his head at the Doctor.  “I got to say, Boss, I still don’t understand why you can’t set that thing and follow us over.” 

The Doctor spun around, flapping his arms in fury at these humans who would not listen.  Daleks screamed in the distance and they argued over him. Humans, they were impossibly brave and compassionate.  And tearing his hearts out.

“I can’t because I have to be here.  And you need to go now.”

“Why can’t you turn it on and use one of these jumper things?”  Rose rushed up to him. “Just tell me!”

“Because we’re in a time loop!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.  All the air left his lungs. He dropped his arms, jaw gaping. He hadn’t meant to say that. 

“What the hell do you mean?” Jackie asked.  Mickey shuffled his feet and moved closer to Pete who stilled and looked ready to regenerate the Doctor again.

“I mean I’ve relived this day over and over again.  Every time I tried to fix it, to keep Rose with me, she dies, I die, we all day or the Earth goes boom.  Sometimes even Pete dies.” The entire building seemed to hold his breath. 

“Like Groundhog Day?” Mickey shook his head. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  Rose pressed her fingers to her eyes before dropping her hands to her sides and glaring at him.

“Because you would have made it worse.  I’m the Time Lord. I needed to solve it.  The best possible outcome is for you to go to Pete’s World and be a family.”  He swallowed hard and stepped forward. He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear.  “For you to live. I can’t go on unless I know Rose Tyler lives. She goes on, a Defender of another Earth, another universe and becomes all she’s meant to.”

“I can’t,” her voice choked.  “Not without you.”

“You can.” His voice strained.  “You must. Please, for me. I can endure anything the universe throws at me if I know you’re there and safe.”

“We need to go,” Pete stated as the clank of Cybermen and laser fire of Daleks sounded closer.

The Doctor gazed into Rose’s eyes, unable to look anywhere else.  This moment, so precious, wrapped around him and Rose. Tears pooled in her eyes.

“Promise me,” she fought to speak, against the pain clutching at her voice.  “Promise me if I go, you’ll find a way to me.”

“I don’t know if that’s possible.  The walls will be sealed.” His eyes burned with unshed tears.  He fought to control the inner voice raging at him to stop this, to cling to her and love her as fiercely as she loved him.

“I’m not going if you don’t promise,” she gasped, sobs shaking her chest.

“Promise her!” Jackie demanded, storming over to stand next to Rose.  “Don’t give me any that rubbish techno babble. I wouldn’t put up with it from her and not from you.  Family doesn’t make excuses.”

And that was the point where the Doctor barely stood upright.  Oh Jackie, she always knew where to hit the hardest and how to get her way.  Tyler Effect. It went for the throat.

“I love you.” Rose’s broken voice seared into his mind.  Like her lips did against his as she clawed her fingers into his coat.  He wrapped his arms around her tight, one last time, one last kiss.

They parted, and she traced her fingers down his cheeks across his chin.

“I love this face, too.  Save the universe and find me and maybe I’ll show you how much.”

“I didn’t need to hear that,” Jackie moaned as Rose stepped back toward her.  “Listen to Rose. Fix this, Doctor. Don’t make me come back and slap you,” Jackie warned as the group huddled together.  Pete and Mickey nodded at him. He watched them disappear in the flash, his last glimpse of Rose, head held high lips forming silent words.   _ Fix this. _

He sincerely hoped he had.  At least he wouldn’t have to watch her die.  Coward every time.

He quickly set magna clamps on either side.  Sure, he could run fast enough and keep a grip.  At least he knew which one failed so he planned accordingly.  First lever up. Everything going to plan. He ran to the other side and paused, memories colliding in his mind. 

Rose.

The events of the day or perhaps every loop crashed down on his shoulders.  Her smile. The softness of her lips. The golden-brown depths of eyes that forgave him countless sins.  Tears wet his cheeks. His hand convulsed. The pull of the Void tore at his clothing, not full strength but enough for the void creature to taunt him with its growling cackle.  He glared at the white wall.

That thing would never take Rose.  The Doctor may never know the warmth of her fingers curled through his again.  Never have spilled nail polish on his grating. No more nights with her curled up next to him staring out the TARDIS doors at the birth of a new star.  But he’d live for Rose and be what she wanted. 

He stepped forward, his feet heavy as the emptiness smacked him in the middle of his now broad forehead.  He couldn’t sense Rose brushing across his mind, that soft warmth, the cacophony of emotion. An icy chill swept across him as the Void entity’s shrieks and guttural calls clutched at him, seeking to drag him into the Howling.

No. He had to finish this to keep Rose safe.  Rose would be cross with him if he fell to pieces now.  He raced forward and slammed the lever, gripping the magna clamp.  The Void opened wide, the winds whipping at him, howling in eerie moans.  Daleks and Cybermen flew by. Debris swirled in the rush of energy from the Void material drawn back to where it belonged.  It was working.

The lever dropped and he righted it.  The grasp of the Void increased. He held on.  Not for him. For Rose. He promised to try and find a way back to her.  His fingers slipped. A Cyberman slammed into his side. He bounced off the wall and flew backwards.  Every curse he knew flew past his lips as he flailed fighting against the power of the Void. His fingers slipped.

He tumbled backwards until he slammed against a solid surface.  The sound of his own bones cracking echoed in the sudden silence.  The Doctor met the ground with a thump. Blood filled his mouth. 

“Looks like I won’t keep that promise.  Pity,” he coughed. “Really wanted to prove myself wrong.” His vision dimmed.  “Please let her be safe.” The last thing he saw before darkness consumed him was an old friend kneeling by his side, blue eyes holding uncertainty and a horrible wrongness, yet also sadness.

“Jack, I should have known,” he coughed out before he sank into oblivion .

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Hellostarligh20 for betaing but I admit, I changed quite a few things since she saw it, mainly based on her comment about something I sort of let disappear. Oopsie!
> 
> I know I said this as the last chapter but it was getting too long so I broke it in two. Next chapter is the last one for sure!

“No!” The Doctor burst into wakefulness gasping for breath. He tipped backward in one of his old 50s style, spindly kitchen chairs, arms flailing. The overhead lights nearly burned through his retinas as he righted himself and grabbed the edge of the table.

“Morning.” Rose’s voice called out amidst the plink of toast.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. His mind felt like it had been through a blender.  Regeneration did that sometimes. Wait. He dropped his hand, respiratory bypass kicked in as all air left his lungs. He’d been shot by a Dalek and regenerated.  He’d sent Rose away promising to…oh shit.

He jumped when Rose plonked down a mug in front of him followed by a plate stacked with toast, slathered in butter and his favorite crankleberry jam.

Still shaking on the inside and out, he tentatively reached up and ghosted his fingertips over his cheekbones and face.  Familiar nose, modest if not handsome chin, which felt like it had since he first regenerated in front of Rose. In fact, every freckle on his face and his rather spectacular hair, if he did say so, all felt like his tenth body.  He rolled his shoulders as he affirmed the mole on his back.

His thoughts cycled so fast he thought he had mental whiplash. He reached for his tea, inhaling the steaming tannins bathed in milk.  He couldn’t look at Rose. Not after the last loop. The raw despair and loss of sending her away still tore at his hearts.

“Are you okay?” Rose asked around a mouthful of toast sitting across the white laminate table.  “You look like you just saw a Dalek.”

He snorted his tea, coughing it the rest of the way down.  He failed. There he was back at the beginning with Rose unconsciously picking up on memories from prior loops.

“Fine,” he croaked before shoving toast in his mouth glancing once at her.  Rose stared, her brow furrowed in that adorable way that meant she didn’t believe him.

“You’re awfully quiet and you look like your ready to drop,” she again pointed out.  “Are you having nightmares again?”

His throat barely worked and he had to focus on swallowing the lump of toast.  Rose, in her ever-growing wisdom, sat before him, golden-brown eyes filled with an essence of every loop, of time and knowledge her brain couldn’t comprehend.

He’d failed her so many times and it reflected back on him with each blink of her eyes.  The word reckoning boomed in the back of his mind. He did his best to ignore it.

“I’m all right,” he said with little conviction and cradled his tea, watching her over the blue rim.

“No, you’re not.”  Rose ripped off a corner of her toast and popped it into her mouth, eyes narrowing on him, eating her breakfast with a chastising vigor.  “I know you like to keep it all in and bear the weight of the universe because you think you’re the only one who can hold everything together.  You don’t have to do it alone. Maybe I’m not some brilliant Time Lord but it doesn’t mean I can’t listen or help you.”

_Fix this._

Those two words sat heavy in the air.  Always the same. Usually uttered by the brilliant blonde in front of him.  How many times in the past loops did she accuse him of holding back? No denying it now.  She had been and was presently right.

“I love you.”  Not what he’d meant to say but it was the only thing that his big Time Lord brain allowed out.  Funny that. He’d held those words in for so long and _now_ they spilled out easily and at random yet important moments.

Funnier was her response.  No big smile. No joyful return of the treasured phrase.  Rose stilled and stared. Her gaze bore into him as she cradled her mug of tea.  Her finger sat on the rim and she cocked her head.

“Is the universe ending?” she finally asked.  “I mean it must be for you to actually admit—” She trailed off and cleared her throat.  “You wouldn’t say those words to me unless you knew—”

“The universe is not ending,” he interrupted in a quiet tone.  He stood and dragged his chair next to hers and sat so close their knees bumped as she maintained a death grip on her mug.  “And I do love you and not just in a we’re going to die way. But you’re right there is a problem. I…you see there’s this thing,” he sputtered, squinting his eyes seeking out the right words.

“Thing?” she teased, her lips curving up into the smile he yearned for.  “Is this a thing that involves us specifically or is this some temporal catastrophe that we can only shag our way out of?”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times.  She had to go there. Blimey. He raked a hand through his hair.

“I’m teasing.  You’re the one that brought up the universe ending love declaration.”  She rolled her eyes but then stilled. “It’s not a shag or we die thing or a die if we don’t run thing is it?” She frowned and eyed the door as if ready to run.  Wasn’t that just the irony. He confesses his inner most feelings and she thinks it’s a joke and contemplates running. Although, the urge to race her to the door itched at his feet.  But running hadn’t solved the time loop.

“Wellll,” he drawled and dropped his hand.

Every loop she nailed one particular point whether through intuition, temporal memory or some other developing sense.  Last loop he’d recognized how much she changed. He thought it for the worse, felt responsible and sent her away to save her. Maybe it wasn’t about changing in good or bad ways but just becoming more Rose.

“Not shag or die although that has its merits.”  Her jaw dropped and she gnawed on more toast. Amusement tickled in his chest.  They’d already done shag or die. Or really it was shag and then die. The TARDIS hum suddenly snapped and grated in his mind.  He gritted his teeth against it and acknowledged his ship’s push.

“It does involve us, though.”  He tapped his fingers on the table.  She gently laid her hand against his, thumb caressing his knuckles, stilling him.  His breath caught at the brush of her skin against his. The softest whisper of her emotions against his mind left him reeling.

 _Tell her_ , his inner voice demanded.   _We need her if you haven’t figured that out yet_.

“It involves us and time,” he quickly added. An annoying fist bump sensation thumped his temples.  “And laundry,” he tacked on in his babbling attempt to talk to her.

 _Finally_ , his inner voice added.

Despite his inclination to throttle himself.  Which in theory was fascinating and Freud would no doubt have had a field day with the concept.  However, talking to Rose seemed to be part of the loop.

“Laundry,” she repeated with a dry, slightly sharp tone and leaned away from him.  “You know, after all this time traveling together, I should expect it. I love you Rose is code talk for what you’re really after.  I thought we were past this.”

“Code Talk? Past this?” he drawled.  “Um sorry? What are we past again?”

“My mum,” she answered and crossed her arms, jaw clenched.  Laughter broke through his uptight, anxiety ridden Time Lord bubble of repression.

“It’s not funny!” Rose insisted.  “Mum worries. About both of us. You know she likes you much more now.  Maybe she’s not forgiven you for that lost year but she keeps jam stocked for you.”  Rose stood and cleared the breakfast plates, swooping away his mug, brushing by his back in their tiny galley kitchen.

Ahh the time loop pushes onward.  He followed her to the sink.

“It’s not what you think.  I’m not avoiding Jackie. Quite the contrary.”  He naturally grabbed a dish towel and dried as she washed.  His inner voice teased him: _The domestic approach to solve a time loop and convince our companion not to leave us.  Maybe if we’re good, we’ll get a shagging reward later._

“You’re the one that brought up laundry,” she quipped and wiped her hands on a towel before facing him.

“Because laundry is always how it starts.” Bitterness laced his words as he viciously wiped the inside of his mug.  “Nothing good ever came from laundry.” He banged the mug down on the counter, visualizing the cursed bag bursting into flames.  Not that it would help.

She sighed and left him standing there twisting the dish rag in his hands.

 _Pissing her off was not the plan._ His inner voice poked at him until he hurled the towel across the room and stormed after Rose.  He’d had about all he could take. She wanted the truth. The loop wanted to rip his hearts out.  Fine.

He found the laundry bag in its spot in the console room.  It mocked him how it leaned next to the jump seat, heavy, bulging with Rose’s unmentionables.

“Are you done ranting?”  Rose stood at the console.

“No, I am not!”  He kicked the laundry bag for good measure.

“What the hell is wrong with you?  What is all this about you and me and time and laundry?  I mean seriously, you just kicked my laundry in some sort of Time Lord tantrum.” She stood at the console, eyes flashing with irritation and something much more, just barely there tucked away within her.

Every time loop it snapped at him, slashing across his time sense, like a cat-o-nine tails tearing away his flesh.

The Oncoming Storm roared to the surface.  He’d played nice, by the rules. He’d tossed the rules out the TARDIS.  He’d calculated intricate alterations and said fuck it, going with his gut.  And here he was with nothing but an angry companion and another fucking time loop cackling at him as it tightened its grip.

“Everything is wrong,” He snarled and stormed up inches from her face.  She didn’t flinch, met his anger with her own glorious rebellion.

“Wrong how?” Rose demanded, her fingers curled around the edge of the console and breath ghosting across his chin until he balled his fists to resist yanking her against him and snogging the truth into her.

“It’s been wrong for at least ten days.  Not that you remember.” A growl tore through his chest. He dug his fingers into his hair, turning away to pace back and forth like the caged animal he felt like.  “And that’s the irony! You sort of remember but never completely. I try and protect you and fix it, which you keep insisting on in your own metaphysical way, and it all blows up.  Literally blows us up or kills us in some other nasty way. Except for last time and let’s not even go there.”

“You’re not making sense.  What do you mean the last ten days?” She rushed up and gripped his shoulder, fingers digging into his flesh in a way that flashed him back to another time, a passionate loop.  Desire burst forth mixing with his anger, a dangerous cocktail.

“Ten days in a non-linear, non-subjective view point,” he quickly said, disappointed as she released her grip and stepped back.

“We’re not going rounds with that infinite temporal flux theory again.”  His heart raced a little more at how she so easily spoke science at him even if it was in an annoyed tone.

“We’re in a time loop, a never ending, _annoying_ , time loop.” He glared at the TARDIS time rotor which moved up and down as if nudging him on.

“A time loop,” Rose said and traced a finger over her gold hoop earring, her gaze unfocused over his right shoulder before she turned it on him.  “You mean like that film, Groundhog Day where he lived the same day over and over?”

“Nothing that fun or simple,” he snidely replied, brushing by her toward the console, eyeing the lights flickering as if his ship taunted him.

“All right, so we’re stuck and have been trying to solve it.  Why don’t I remember if you do?”

“Time Lord.  Enhanced time and spatial senses.  I see—”

“All that is, was and ever could be,” Rose finished for him, repeating the same words she’d once spoken when she channeled the Time Vortex.  He whipped around to face her. She stepped closer to the console tracing her fingers over the controls. “But you said I remembered some of it too.  I think I do. I thought it was just a dream.”

“Yes, you seem to retain a residual memory that leeks out at the most inconvenient times,” he joked sidling up to her, concerned at the quietness that descended over her.

“And we still haven’t solved it.”  She craned her head seeking out his gaze.

He flinched internally.  She wasn’t blaming him, but there was the tiny detail of semantics when she said _we_.  His throat thick, he nervously tugged at his ear and refocused on the console.  They really did need to set coordinates. He already felt the twist of the temporal knife in his chest urging him onward in the next loop.

“Doctor,” she needled him.  “We need to talk this through and figure out what we’ve missed.  There’s got to be a solution.”

“I’ve tried everything,” he mumbled, setting the date and physical coordinates.  She reached over and stilled his hands.

“ _You_ ’ve tried.”  She emphasized _You_.

He refused to look at her.  “Yes, many times with horrible results.  We can’t delay events, Rose. That only ended up with us and the TARDIS blowing up.” He omitted the fun passionate part of that loop.  Now was not the time for that discussion.

“What do you mean _we can’t delay without blowing up_?” Rose demanded, her fingers tightening around his.

His chest tightened.   _Tell her_ his infernal internal voice demanded.   _Fix this_.

Anger bubbled forth, resentment at being forced to confront Rose, to hurt her with the knowledge.  A rebellion and fierce need to protect flushed through him.

“We’ll never work this out if we don’t talk it through,” she insisted. He snorted and finally met her piercing gaze.  “That’s it, isn’t it?” she asked and withdrew, stepping back with accusation. “You never told me before. You went all lonely god didn’t you?”

“What was I supposed to tell you?” he snapped, uncaring at the tense, hurt expression hardening her face.  “That I lost you? That you died? That I went mad from grief? Or maybe that we blew up together?” He began pacing, hands slicing through the air as all of his stewing bitterness at an inability to solve a fucking time loop surfaced.  “Or maybe that one time we fell into the Void, you were shot by a Dalek and died in my arms, or that I sent you away.” He stormed over to her. She stood as still as a statute, chin tilted up, mouth a grim line.

“Is that what you want to hear?” the Doctor demanded.  “That you wouldn’t listen to me. That both you and Jackie continually questioned me as I altered events to try and fix everything but I still lost both of you.”

“Are you blaming me and my mum?”  He stepped back at the way her eyes narrowed and she hurled words like a Dalek’s exterminator.  Arrogance and a burgeoning compulsion to unleash his frustrations even at Rose overcame all reason.

“Maybe I am.  Humans don’t understand the intricacies of time or manipulation of time lines.  The one fault in all of this was how you kept inserting new alternatives, shattering my carefully calculated alternations and—”

“Maybe if you’d talk to me about whatever the hell was going on, we could have solved this,” she commented, arms crossed, and jaw clenched.  Fire burned up his neck as he concentrated on breathing and not venting at Rose.

“You went through ten days of fighting in a loop against I don’t know what because you haven’t told me, but I gather it involves my mum,” Rose tartly continued.

“And laundry,” he spit out and eyed the bag, his fingers itching to toss it out into the vortex again just to do it even if it didn’t help.

“You’re not touching my laundry.”  He whipped around.

“Of all the things you remember, that’s it?” he bit out, hands fisted as he stared upward into the rafters seeking solace and strength to continue this loop.

“It’s all a bit jumbled, like some sort of dream but I’m getting bits and pieces.  But one thing’s for sure and that’s you’re off the rails.” The TARDIS shuddered as if emphasizing Rose’s observation.

“We don’t have time for this.” The Doctor marched over to the controls.

“Right, ‘cos we did something like this before and blew up.” Rose shook her head and took her place, her fingers hovering over the panel.  “We did more than blow up, didn’t we?”

He focused on piloting.  Talking about shagging had nothing to do with the loop.   _Liar_ , his inner voice accused.   _Everything we do with Rose matters. Especially shagging._

“It’s all right, you know.” Her voice softened as she worked the controls.  “I don’t remember details, just feelings.”

The warmth in her voice lured him out of the stoic duty of the loop.  The way she looked at him, an intimate knowledge reflected in how she traced her fingers over the controls, intimately with a caress that reminded him of how her fingers curled around his cock.

“You said you loved me,” her voice turned husky. “Things changed between us,” she continued.  “It’d be nice if I remember how we got to this point where I get wet just looking at the jump seat and where I want to tell you how much I love you too.”

His knees went wobbly at her bold, sexual comment and her confession of love.  This was new. _And we like it don’t we_ , his inner voice chortled.

“Yes, I—” His brain shorted out as a knowing smile curved her lips.  “I can’t lose you. Not after everything, and I have. Too many times.”  His voice choked as he focused on materializing them on Earth.

Rose slid around the console and cuddled up to his side, helping him with his controls, her hands moving with his, dancing as she slid her fingers with his.  It was the smoothest landing he’d ever made. Her shoulder bumped his and she grasped his hand, lacing her fingers with his.

“You know, love is about trust.  I trust you. Please trust me and let me help us.”  The Doctor shattered at the caress of her fingertips, pulling her into his arms and burying his face in her neck.  Rose wrapped around him just as tight. He released a shuddering breath. There was nothing else to lose. He’d lost, repeatedly, too much already.

“We land on Earth.  Meet your Mum and it all goes to hell,” he admitted and pulled away, hands resting on her hips.

“There’s an invasion,” she filled in, biting her bottom lip thoughtfully.  “Cybermen,” she spoke slowly, tilting her head up toward him for confirmation.

“And Daleks,” the Doctor added.  “But that’s after Torchwood.”

“And what’s Torchwood?” she asked.

“Torchwood is our fault and our end.  In every loop except one,” he grimly acknowledged, staring at the console, seeking out timelines, vibrating with tension and an excited energy he hadn’t sensed before.  He locked his gaze onto Rose, her brow furrowed in concentration.

“You said our fault.  Why?”

“Because we’re the reason they exist.  Well, Queen Victoria’s tiff with us. A complete overreaction,” he said defensively.

“Queen Victoria…after we saved her from the werewolf?” Rose leaned back against the console fingers trailing down his arms to his hands.  “How did Queen Victoria cause a time loop?”

The annoying headache, digging into his forehead eased slightly as did the repetitive scraping against his time sense.

“She didn’t,” he responded, his shoulders unknotting as he watched Rose think through their problem. “She formed Torchwood because of our visit, what happened and how she found our actions cavalier and most certainly not appropriate.”

“We save her a nipping and she got scared but not just of the wolf.” Rose shook her head and tipped it back.  “God, it was us joking around. The uptight monarch got scared of aliens, of us, and change?”

“Pretty much, yeah.  And it evolved and grew into the dodgy corrupt governmental organization that pokes holes in the universe, unleashing an invasion of multi-universal shaking proportions.”

“And that started the loop.”  Rose pushed off the console, stepping away from him.  The break in contact like a fall breeze stealing the last breath of summer.  “But that still doesn’t make sense. Why us? Why laundry?” she asked, eyeing said bag of laundry.

The Doctor trailed after, not just her, but her logic, her intuitive questions and most of all the essence of Rose.  He’d always orbit Rose as the center of his universe, afraid to get too close for fear of burning to cinders, but always drawn to her like the moon to the Earth.  And in one rather mind-blowing realization that nearly caused a neural implosion, he accepted what he’d fought since the day he met her.

All this time he’d been trying to protect what he loved.  When in truth, he needed to accept her as his partner, talking things through, arguing, Rose seeing what he missed and most of all, stopping him when he should be stopped.  She stared at him, waiting for him to answer about what started the time loop.

“I don’t know what started it.” He spilled the words easily, unburdening himself even if admitting his weakness tore down his ego in a painful nails-on-a-chalkboard way.

“Then I guess we keep going through the loop until we figure it out,” she responded slowly walking up to him and traced a finger down his silk tie until he thought he’d regenerate from erotic tension burning at his core.

“Together.”  He cupped her face, thumb tracing her chin and tilting her head up. He leaned down to gently brush his lips over hers before pulling back, watching and waiting for her.

“Is this something we’ve done in the other loops?” she teased, her fingers digging into his lapels.

“A few, yeah.  Seemed like a good idea given all the death and doom.”

“Kind of a tradition then.” She teased him with that tip of her tongue peeking out between her lips.  She tugged him down. He again captured her mouth, fingers tracing her jaw line as she tasted him in one glorious tongue-dancing kiss.  The TARDIS shook and they parted with a breathy giggle.

“Time for laundry and ghosts that aren’t ghosts,” he said, a strange calm and peace washing over him.

“And answers,” she added.  Rose backed up stumbling into the laundry bag.  He caught her arm before she fell. “No reason to take this.  Not like it’s gonna get done is it?” Rose mused, wrinkling her nose as she looked down at the bag.

“Nope,” he said popping his p.  “Though, could be bad luck to leave it behind.  Wasn’t helpful the last time I…well that is to say—” He tugged at his ear.  She arched a brow at him.

“You were a git and tossed it out.”  He swore a glint of gold winked at him in the depths of her eyes.

“Well, that was before when you didn’t tell me anything.”  Rose poked him in the chest. “Now I’m on board and we are going to solve this.  You said we had to go see Mum first before the whole Torchwood thing happens, right?”

“That seems to be how things go.”  He hesitated at the door. “I love you whether or not the universe ends, if it’s boring, a Sunday, an invasion, impossible planet around a black hole or even just lying in apple grass.  I love you, Rose Tyler and that’s not an excuse. It’s a fact.”

“I love you, too, no matter what we face or how many time loops.”  They leaned into each other, forehead to forehead before bumping noses and enjoying another lip nibbling kiss before breathlessly separating.  “Shall we, Dame Rose?”

“With you, always, Sir Doctor.” Arm in arm, he led her outside into the bright sunshine, looking up at Jackie’s building.

“It seems so normal,” Rose commented, her fingers lacing with his in a firm grip as they walked toward Jackie’s and the next phase in the loop.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh yes there's another chapter. I couldn't wrap it up one like I thought. Thanks again to Hellostarlight20 who is awesome and helps make my chapters better :)

Everything in this loop was the same yet not.  Ghosts. Check. Jackie insisting said not ghost was her long-lost dad.  Check. Rose and Jackie arguing about said ghost and an invasion. Double check.  Yet the normal sensation of doom ticking away like a sharpened guillotine seemed to have faded into the background.  One thing remained: Torchwood.

The very name set the Doctor’s teeth on edge. 

“Mum, we have to go.”

“I don’t have to go anywhere and neither do you.” Jackie stood her ground, an Amazonian glare of epic proportions zeroed on the Doctor.  He wisely kept his mouth shut, allowing Rose to lead on. Or maybe it was just the coward in him hiding behind Rose. 

“We have to.   We’re stuck in a time loop and we’ve all done this ten times before.  You just don’t remember.” Jackie sighed and her shoulders dropped as she paced around her tiny living room, glancing out the window.

“Why can’t we just have this one good thing?” Jackie demanded, narrowing her eyes on the Doctor.

“Because it’s a lie.  These ghosts aren’t even human and they’re using your love and memories against you,” the Doctor said earnestly.  Yes, he needed to get them all moving along but it was important Jackie understand. “And honestly Jackie, we need you.”  He bit his tongue at that one, except Rose smiled and curled an arm through his, softening the blow to his ego.

_ Bonus points for us _ . His somewhat quieter inner voice chortled. 

“It’ll take all of us, Mum.  And I’m not comfortable leaving you behind when these things come through properly.  I know you don’t understand, but these Cybermen are dangerous, much worse than a Slitheen or a Sycorax.”

“Yeah, you told me,” Jackie grudgingly admitted and stared out the window once more.  She faced the Doctor. “Promise me you’ll keep Rose safe.”

“Mum, he’ll keep both of us safe.”

“Yeah, well from what you said he did a rubbish job the prior ten times now didn’t he.  It’s why we’re here again, right?”

“I wasn’t entirely successful, no.” The Doctor squirmed under Jackie’s lethal glare.  Standing before her was like being stuck in an eternal interrogation by the Time Lord High Council.  “This time Rose and I are working through the problem together. And now we’ve brought you on board. Three heads may be better than one Time Lord.  I mean not really, but it sounds good, eh?” 

Jackie shook her head.

“Rose, keep an eye on him.  Looks like  _ we’re _ going to have to save the world this time,” Jackie sharply announced before heading toward the door.

Rose shrugged and tugged the Doctor after her.  The Doctor dragged his trainers on the floor. Earth was facing its doom.  And the Doctor, the last of the Time Lords, was being led around by two human women who chatted about how best to handle the end of the world.

“Are you sure we have to use his box?  Might be better to contact those blokes at UNIT.  You remember the ones who came when I reported other him?” Jackie nattered on, to his mind.

“They could be in on it,” Rose confided, ignoring the Doctor, much to his annoyance. “We can’t trust them or anyone connected to Torchwood.  Thanks to Queen Victoria,” Rose snipped. The Doctor rubbed at his temples speeding down the stairs after them.

“My daughter saves the world over and over again and gets no respect.” Jackie tsked and shook her head. 

“Well Queen Victoria did knight the Doctor and I,” Rose reminded her. 

The Doctor’s mind wandered back to that moment.  He hadn’t paid too much attention except the jolt of Rose’s excitement that zinged through him.  He should have paid more attention and maybe they wouldn’t be in this mess.

“Fat lot of good that did,” Jackie responded as Rose led them into the TARDIS. For once, the Doctor agreed with Jackie.

“Right-o onward and to the terrible halls of Torchwood we go!” He sprinted toward the console.

“Don’t you think we should take a mo’ to look up more on this Torchwood?”  His fingers hovered over the dematerialization sequence and his stomach dropped at Rose’s suggestion.

He’d taken a long look at data about Torchwood and everyone there.  Nothing good came of it. One rather nasty knot gouged between his shoulder blades.  A complication. A fixed point in time that left his time sense shuddering tapped on the proverbially door he didn’t want to open.  He didn’t want Rose opening it either.

“There’s nothing more than I’ve told you.  Torchwood operates on its own, outside most governmental channels run by a certain egotistical power-hungry, harpy named Yvonne Hartman.  If it’s alien, it’s theirs, that’s their mantra. And they like ripping holes in the universe for fun and unleashing hordes of Cybermen and Daleks on the Earth.”

“Daleks,” Jackie interrupted.  “You didn’t tell me that.” She wrapped an arm around Rose’s shoulders.  “Those are the things that you give you nightmares, aren’t they?” 

Rose remained silent, toeing her trainers on the grating. 

All air left the Doctor’s lungs.  He focused on transporting them to Torchwood even as an overwhelming urge to sweep Rose into his arms and protect her manifested. 

“You never told me that,” he said quietly, hitting a few switches harder than necessary.

“It wasn’t important.  Everyone has nightmares.”  She pulled away from her mother and rested her hands on the edge of the console, fingers caressing his ship.  The TARDIS hum modulated, as if comforting Rose. 

He swallowed back the lump of guilt. Another failure on his part.  Again, he’d missed details. They landed with a soft thud.

“Here we are then,” he said with a false playful tone.  He tapped the monitor to watch soldiers lining up, guns drawn.  Rose walked up next to him followed by Jackie.

“Maybe we should all go out together,” Rose suggested. 

“Promise me you’ll tell me the next time you have a Dalek nightmare.”  The Doctor stayed fixated on Daleks haunting Rose’s dreams. It also helped distract her from unpleasant topics like Torchwood files and soldiers outside the door.

“Shouldn’t we focus on Torchwood, and figuring out what’s causing this loop, and how to stop it?” Rose again ignored him and glanced at the door, biting down on her lower lip.

“Rose is right.  The sooner we sort this, the sooner we’ll be back for tea,” Jackie said.

The Doctor eyed both women.  Despite his concerns about Rose’s Dalek nightmares, a smile emerged at how both women prioritized.  The Tyler Effect in action. Save the world and be home in time for tea. He cleared his throat in an attempt to maintain some type of dignified control.

“Quite right,” he said with ease, pushing off the console and moved on to the next difficult part of the loop. 

“You’ll take Mum and I’ll be the back-up,” Rose announced before he could say a word.

“You’re all right with that?  Staying behind?” He nervously scratched the back of his neck. Why would Rose suggest he leave her behind?  She hadn’t in any other loop.

“It makes sense.  They’ll focus on the two of you and I can sneak out and investigate.  Distract and detect with a little running for our lives later,” she teased with a shoulder bump.

“What about me?” Jackie interrupted.  “You’re just shoving me off with himself?” At least Jackie acted normal.

“You’ll be fine, Mum.  He’s the most wanted alien on the planet, probably this side of the galaxy.  They may even offer you a reward or something.”

“You’re having too much fun with this,” he noted.  “Time Loop, you know. We get this wrong and we’re back here tomorrow.” He refused to admit a pout jutted out his lip. 

“Yes,” Rose said in a cajoling tone, gently shoved him toward Jackie.  “That’s why you need to get going and lead them away. I’ll catch up with you later.  Watch out for Mum.”

“You’re as bad as he is,” Jackie muttered, peeking at the monitor and their gun-toting greeting outside. 

The Doctor hesitated. He trusted Rose implicitly but…this was a time loop.  And she was aware of being in a time loop and his prior trouble solving it. An itch irritated the back of his head like Rose and the TARDIS conspiring, which was impossible.  Rose stood by the console, the blue light from the time rotor bathing her as she softly smiled and patted the coral.

Without hesitation, he ambled toward her, cupped her cheek and leaned down to drink in her voluptuous lips, her teasing tongue and essence warming him until his toes curled in his trainers.  He released her with a tiny bottom lip pull. Her eyes darkened as he trailed his fingers across her cheek.

“For luck?” she asked, husky voice reflecting interest for more which left him wishing he could explore this new physical element further.

“Oi, I’m right here, ya know,” Jackie tartly reminded them.

“Don’t need luck,” he quipped, ignoring Jackie’s huffing in the background.  “Just you.” Rose’s face flushed. She stepped back and cleared her throat.

“Yeah, well I need you, too.  Just try not to get yourself regenerated,” she said in a voice still roughened with passion.  “We don’t have time for that.” Her eyes widened and her mouth opened and closed. “Was that—” She didn’t finish her sentence, nibbling on her fingertip in concentration.

“Yes, it was a loop memory and no I won’t get myself regenerated this time.  As long as you take care and don’t get Daleks cross with you.” Conviction, deepened his voice.  “Please don’t take any chances. I’ve lost you enough times already.” He turned away before he swept her back into the bowels of the TARDIS for much more than kissing.  The memory of their joining amid temporal destruction still pounded in his veins. 

He forced his legs to move and slipped out the door, a grin plastered on his face that didn’t reflect his worry and paranoia about Rose.

Things progressed as normal in the loop.  He tugged Jackie from the TARDIS, made a few quips about her being Rose and she snapped back at him.  They ambled forward even if Jackie seemed a bit sharper than normal. 

Whispering quips like, “So that’s the bloodthirsty bint who’s ruining my world.”   Then there was a dig at him. “Shouldn’t you be doing something, or do I have to do everything?” 

He gritted his teeth and bore it all, even as a headache carved a hole in his skull. 

It wasn’t all the same.  The lingering hints of death and destruction oozing through the building appeared again, although faded, not as inky tendrils, more like shadows.  He blinked several times as echoes of time lines fanned out, running in congruence before snapping back into one main time line. 

Rose’s appearance on the video in the Void ship room plunged him into a darker version of the him he kept locked away from her.  Every time he got to this part, a cold and acrid taste, like ashes from the Time War, consumed him. Jackie’s firm grip on his forearm interrupted his descent into protective warrior.

“Mickey was with Rose.  I saw him.”

“Yes, he’s hopped over from another universe, the one being threatened by what’s happening here,” he confided in a soft voice as Yvonne focused on the unexpected ghost shift. He, of course, inserted his opinions, garnering Yvonne’s ire, and also preventing further discussion with Jackie.  Although, he could see the wheels turning in Jackie’s head as she absorbed the universal crossover concept.

The Doctor dragged Jackie along as he led Yvonne to her cyberized employees which he displayed with a cold disregard, pulling out ear pieces and biologic material with it.

“You’ve killed them,” Jackie gasped.

“They were already dead,” he answered without remorse, meeting Yvonne’s barely contained power-hungry gaze.  “Care to see what did this?”

“You’re not in charge,” Yvonne primly informed him.

“But you want to know who or what infiltrated your facility.”

The Doctor kept poking at her ego and lust for power.  He moved forward, sonic scanning for Cyber technology. It brought up a memory of Rose asking for some Spock.  The thought shattered some of his icy, restrained disregard. They entered the offices under construction with Yvonne running her fingers over the metallic cyber ear pods.  The beginning of Yvonne’s end. The Doctor backed away with Jackie.

“What is this?” Jackie asked, watching Yvonne with a barely suppressed anger.

“I think you can figure out this is the part where things get messy.” Jackie angled her head until her gaze drilled right through his forehead.

“Just tell me Rose is safe.”

“She’s with Mickey and yes, she’ll be fine.  I’ll be paying her a visit after I take a trip to another universe and have a quick chat with Pete Tyler.” 

Her mouth pressed into a hard line. “Don’t start.  I heard enough of that parallel world nonsense from Rose.” She curled her hands nervously toward her body evidence of her resistance of the concept. Yet from the way her eyes darted and she worried her lip, she still had hope.

“You’ll have a chance to judge for yourself how rubbish parallel worlds are later,” he assured with a levity he shouldn’t have as gun shots echoed around them.  He curled an arm around Jackie protectively leaning into her ear.

“We’re going to be separated.  They’ll march you and Yvonne away to be processed.”  Her breath hitched and pulse thrummed in her neck. A different protectiveness caused him to squeeze her arm as Cybermen marched toward them.  He raised his hands in surrender. “When the time comes, run, Jackie. Don’t look back, get to the stairwell and call Rose’s phone. We’ll come to you.”

“How will I know when?” she whispered as the Cybermen began their mechanical voiced threats.

“You’ll know.  You’re Rose Tyler’s mother, a Defender of the Earth.  I believe I heard it was up to the Tyler women to sort things this time.” 

She squinted her eyes slightly. “Just be on time and don’t get hurt.  We don’t have time to drag your unconscious arse around. Did that enough during another invasion, as I recall.” 

A grin burst free at how she stood, shoulders back, face impassive as if the whole invasion bored her.  It didn’t. 

He could smell the tang of fear rolling off of her, but Jackie Tyler didn’t just give up.  She fought back and faced whatever life threw at her. This time, the Doctor was determined to make sure what was thrown at her was a chance at happiness.

_ “Sphere activated. Sphere activated. Sphere activated. Sphere activated,” _ a

computer voice repeated. 

The next step in the loop.  Rose dominated his thoughts.  Something had been different in how she looked up at the camera in the sphere room.  A self-assuredness and a cocky bravado, a knowledge hinted at with a slight quirk of her lips.  What was she trying to tell him? Had she seen something, made some discovery about the loop?

The Cybermen marched Jackie away.  They exchanged a long, measured look that screamed protect Rose and  _ fix this _ .  Yep, still getting pounded with that little message even if it was just a patented  _ move your arse _ Tyler look.  What followed was another familiar, if not mind stabbing, phrase.

_ The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon. _

Not this time.  He mentally eviscerated the words and the dark entity that hovered in the future.  Some of Rose’s confidence seemed to fill him in a powerful, invigorating, temporal way.  It sang in his veins even as he faced Cybermen threatening to  _ delete _ him.

He whizzed through the next chain of events:  facing off against Cybermen; Jake transporting him to Pete’s World; assuring Pete Tyler he’d save everyone, even though the words tasted wrong.  Rose’s face, that slight quirk of her mouth on the video screen, still hovered in the back of his mind, a reminder that he wouldn’t fix this. They would  _ together _ .

It wasn’t until after he called Jackie, hearing her voice alive and chastising him with just a touch of scolding that he settled into a plan.  With Pete and Jake on board, even if they side-eyed him, he marched in to face Daleks, hesitating only at the sound of Rose’s voice.

“Because if these are going to be my last words, then you're going to listen. I met the Emperor, and I took the Time Vortex and I poured it into his head and turned him into dust. Do you get that? The God of all Daleks, and I destroyed him. Ha!”

The Doctor’s breath caught at Rose’s bold statement. A taunting quality layered deep beyond her playful  _ Ha _ .  He shivered at the memory of what Rose had become and how she so easily accessed that memory. 

She wasn’t that same goddess now. Rose was mortal, flesh and blood and susceptible to an angry Dalek’s weaponry.  As if on cue, said infuriated Dalek shouted, “You will be exterminated!” His cue to step in and divert attention away from his jeopardy friendly Rose.

“Oh now, hold on, wait a minute,” he ordered in a cajoling tone, taking in the occupants of the room and, more importantly, Rose.

“Alert, alert. You are the Doctor,” one Dalek screeched while another announced he was unarmed.

“That's me. Always,” he agreed strolling in, hands in his pockets, seemingly casual even as his fingers curled around his sonic.  He moved closer to Rose.

“Then you are powerless,” the lead Dalek confirm.

“Not me. Never.”  He turned to Rose.  “How are you?” His light tone contained a subtle query that went beyond niceties.  Rose released a breath and bumped up close to him. At least she sensed the danger even if she was inviting the death he asked her  _ not _ to tempt.

“Oh, same old, you know. Wander about.  Find a Void Ship. Daleks and the end of the world.  Sort of us.”

“Yeah, but with less death please.”  He grinned at Mickey. “Mickety McMickey. Nice to see you!”

“And you, boss,” Mickey inclined his head, glancing at the exit.  The Doctor winked at him earning an eye roll. Good to know some things hadn’t changed.

“Social interaction will cease!” The Dalek before them shrieked before another demanded to know how the Doctor survived the war.  He swallowed hard, facing their eye stocks, never flinching or showing the least bit of fear. It always came back to the Time War. 

“I survived by fighting. On the front line. I was there at the fall of Arcadia. Someday I might even come to terms with that. But you lot ran away!”  Rose’s hand slipped into his as he gestured at the Daleks he accused of cowardice. 

Dangerous, but they were still alive, only emphasized by Rose’s warm hand squeezing his.  And that was the point. He wasn’t alone and neither was she. A pang of warmth bloomed in his chest like a twist in the timelines.  It coursed through him until he felt giddy with it.

The Cult of Skaro introduced themselves.  He’d done this so many times, it no longer held his interest.  Not as much as Rose. She stood calm, listening but distracted.  Why? 

Mickey asked about the Void Ship.  The Doctor knew the answer but played along.  Rose continued to stand by his side shifting on her feet.

“Are we keeping you from something?” he asked.

A smile twitched the corners of her mouth before she burst out in giggles.  As much as he enjoyed that sound, a mauve alert chimed in his head. Anyone who had nightmares about Daleks should not be giggling when facing them.

“Silence!” the Daleks shrieked.

“Sorry.” She bit her lip and arched a brow at him.

“Right where were?  Time Lord technology using the one thing a Dalek can't do,” he continued making sure to keep his hand clamped onto Rose’s.  “Touch activated. And you lot, sealed inside your casing, not feeling anything ever, from birth to death, are locked inside a cold metal cage. Completely alone. That explains your voice. No wonder you scream.”

“The Doctor will open the Ark!” The Dalek screamed

“The Doctor will not,” he responded with a hint of amusement.  He kept Rose close, eyeing Mickey’s position. Could he prevent this part?  Would that solve the loop?

“You have no way of resisting,” the Daleks reminded him.

“Well, you got me there. Although there is always this,” he pulled out his sonic screwdriver.

“Now they’re in trouble,” Rose murmured.

“A sonic probe?” If a Dalek could both screech and sound sarcastic, that Dalek did.

“That's screwdriver,” the Doctor corrected.  Mickey snorted in the background and Rose patted the Doctor’s shoulder. 

“I love your sonic,” Rose assured him.

A few filthy thoughts flitted about as he contemplated fun sonic time.  Unfortunately, he had to stay on task with the next step in the loop which included more blowing up Daleks and less Rose and Doctor time. 

_ Sexy sonic time follows fixing time loops _ , his inner voice reminded him in a sing-song voice.

And of course, the Daleks insulted his sonic as unimportant and harmless.  It was of course. The deadlier weapon stood before them, a Time Lord along with the only being in the universe that destroyed a Dalek fleet, albeit channeling the vortex which she wasn’t at that moment.  Then again, did he really get all of it out of her? It was the big blue box in the room he didn’t want to think about.

“Harmless?” he parroted the Daleks, easier to solve them than thoughts about Rose.  “Why yes that would be the word. That's why I like it. Doesn't kill, doesn't wound, doesn't maim. But I'll tell you what it does do. It is very good at opening doors.”  With a tap of his finger, he unleased an odd alliance of Cybermen, Jake and Pete, guns blazing. 

Rose yanked him to the side just as a Dalek fired at the Cybermen, nearly hitting the Doctor.  He held Rose just as tight. Faces inches from each other, time slowed and snapped into place at the same time.  It stretched and wrapped around both he and Rose.

“What aren’t you telling me?” he asked, a sense of something hidden in her eyes mixed with an annoyed accusation he bit back.  Nothing blasted apart his patience like Rose holding back. 

“What didn’t you tell me?” she countered.

Time jolted back as Pete urged them all to get a move on it.  Of course, just as the Doctor’s attention focused on Rose was when Mickey went for his gun, brushing against the Void Ship and unleashing Dalek Hell on Earth.  Not that there was a choice.

“No worries, Mickey,” He aimed the sonic, shutting the Cybermen and Daleks in the room, they just escaped.  “Now then.” He turned to Rose. “That was not staying out of trouble.”

“Neither was marching in and almost regenerating yourself,” Rose retorted, arms crossed.

“Can we row later?” Jake demanded, clinging to his very large and deadly gun. 

The Doctor pocketed his sonic.  “We’re not rowing.”

“We’re discussing.” Rose agreed with a nod.

“That’s definitely not rowing,” Mickey added.  “Or discussing.” The Doctor whipped around at Mickey’s amusement soon fading as he glanced at the door they just shut.  “Maybe save the verbal snogging for later. Those Daleks aren’t gonna stay behind that door.”.

“My world is going to hell.  You said you’d help, Doctor,” Pete harshly reminded, earning a slight smile from Rose.

“That is sort of our job.  Even if we are in a time loop and get a do over,” Rose agreed.

“Time loop?” Pete raked a hand through what little ginger hair he had.

“No worries, Pete.   We’re right on schedule and due in the stairwell where one Jackie Tyler needs a bit of rescuing from Cybermen.”  Pete’s face hardened at the Doctor’s comment.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Mickey hurried them along as Jake scoped out the stairwell.

“You should have told me,” Rose said as they took the stairs two at time.

“I told you everything.” The Doctor winced internally at his small lie even as he kept everyone heading toward Jackie.

“I looked up Torchwood after you and mum left the TARDIS.” 

A sharp pain pierced him between the eyes. 

“What have you done?” He demanded, not looking at Rose.

He wasn’t ready to deal with her accusation.  Especially not as paranoia and a whirlwind of possibilities, all with horrible endings to this loop. spun in his head until he almost tumbled down the stairs.  The sound of Cybermen clanking footsteps only added to his misery.

“We have to fix this and don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean.  It’s all coming full circle.” Her voice trailed off and a palpable wave of doubt crashed into him when he brushed his hand against hers.  Jackie’s shouts sounded ahead.

“Mum.” Rose physically pushed them out a door into a corridor.  Pete raised his gun without question and fired at Cybermen threatening Jackie.  Mickey and Jake followed suit until a deafening silence fell. 

Jackie and Pete slowly approached each other, disbelief overcome by awe in finding each other. they connected in the subtlest yet fixed-point-in-time way the Doctor had ever felt.  A cascade of events locked into place different than other loops. Rose grasped his arm with one hand, biting the knuckles of her other hand as she watched Jackie and Pete.

“This feels so right.” Rose rested her head against his shoulder.

“Yes, this happens in almost every loop.  Multi-versal love story,” he admitted with a levity that didn’t extend beyond words.

“She deserves to be happy,” Rose affirmed.

“What about you?” He swore his inner voice squeezed tight in his chest in an attempt to strangle him.  Too bad. Love declarations aside, this moment was about more than Pete and Jackie. It was the proverbially knife pointed between his hearts and one he would plunge into his chest if Rose asked him to.

“Well, you told me you love me.  Apparently destroyed time itself just to break out of the Time Lord chastity bubble for a chance with me,” Rose teased.  “Not every girl can say a bloke destroyed time for her. And the snogging’s not bad. Not to mention, all of time and space with shagging potential.  You did lie to me but centuries of you holding everything in doesn’t go away in a year. Everything considered, yeah, I’m happy.”

“Even if you lose your mum?”  A hot poker-like pain appeared behind his right eye.  Yes, he got it, this may not be the best way to win Rose over.

“Doctor.”  Rose clamped her fingers into his arm and turned him toward her.  “I love you. Mum knows that. She knows how happy you make me. It’s why she’s been so hard on you.  She loves you too, by the way. You’re family now whether you want to be or not.”

“Yeah.” He swallowed the lump in his throat.  Of course, that’s when the Daleks showed up again.  “For the love of universes everywhere,” he cursed and reached for his sonic.

An explosion of blue and white lit up the corridor.  As they waved away smoke, coughing at the stench of burned metal, a familiar man in a long blue coat strode in, also holding a massive gun.

“Did you miss me?” Jack Harkness asked, a charming grin aimed at Rose.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter! Thank you everyone who stuck with this story. I know it took a while to be completed so big hugs all around!
> 
> THANK YOU HELLOSTARLIGHT20!!! You have been a life saver on this one and helped me make it better :)

“Jack!”

Before the Doctor could grab her, Rose raced over to Jack and threw her arms around him.  Jealousy burned through the Doctor, hotter than the melted darilium core of a star freighter.  Not to mention, his skin crawled at the shattering effect of time around Jack, like a giant prism.  He swallowed back his nausea.

“Happy to see you too,” Jack said, arms tight around his Rose, lifting her up in a bear hug, very large pulse rifle slung over his shoulder.  The Doctor still couldn’t move. 

Despite every nerve ending screamed run, he wouldn’t budge without Rose.  Ten time loops and ten times losing her overcame centuries of running away, of self-deprecation, of giving up his desires for what was best for time and those around him.  Not this time. Love glued his feet to the floor along with a cold knot of rebellion. 

This time, he fought— not for someone else’s war or for some noble cause, but for Rose.

“Captain Cheesecake,” Mickey strolled over, a smirk family plastered across his face as Jack dropped Rose to face Mickey. 

The Doctor nearly snorted. My, my how things had changed.  Now who stood in Mr. Mickey’s shoes as Mickey greeted Jack like the man who just saved the day and had an arm firmly around his ex-girlfriend.  Ex being the word of the day. 

“Mickey Mouse!” Jack exclaimed, fist bumping Mickey.  “And this is?” Jack asked eyeing Pete.

“Pete Tyler.” Pete nodded standing close enough to Jackie to affirm his place. 

Wasn’t that just wizard.  Pete gets Jackie and the Doctor hovered in a state of annoyance mixed with rapacious jealousy.  Finally, his inner voice seemed to move his legs for him and he strolled closer to Rose, hands fisted in his pockets, nails biting into his palms to maintain some type of calm against the grating time conundrum called Jack Harkness.

“Captain.” The stilted word finally slipped out before he focused on Rose smiling adoringly at Jack. 

“Doctor, nice to finally see you again.  Been a while,” Jack responded with a hard-edged response.  The Doctor ignored him, too intent on Rose.

“You’re not surprised to see him.” His words fired like a gunshot.  Rose relaxed smile fell.

“I found him in the Torchwood records and called him.” Challenge laced her words.  His shoulders tensed as the air thickened with a storm brewing between him and Rose.

“I see.” Explosions echoed down the corridor mixed with the shrieks of Daleks to  _ Exterminate _ .  None of it mattered.  Fuck them and the time loop.  He and Rose needed to get this out before both of them exploded into something far more dangerous than Daleks battling Cybermen.

“You should have told me the truth,” she insisted, stepping away from Jack, arms crossed.

“Maybe we should take this elsewhere?” Jake suggested.  The Doctor and Rose ignored him.

“What truth?” the Doctor demanded.  “That Jack was rebuilding the Earth?  As far as I knew he was. I don’t know how he came to be working for Torchwood.”

“Rebuilding the Earth?” Jack snorted.  “You mean waking up to Dalek dust, alone, stuck as you left?”

“You left him,” Rose inserted.  “We left him behind. You never said that or why we didn’t go back.  Jack is our friend, but you made sure we left him.” Her voice cracked and her eyes glistened with hurt.

“I was regenerating.  There wasn’t time to deal with him, you, and me.” It was a weak excuse and he knew it.  The truth bubbled up closer to the surface, volatile, eating at him. Hearts-clutching fear followed.  The truth was not pretty or neat or easy to swallow. It would hurt the one person he loved and finally had the chance to love.

“That’s no excuse!” Rose stormed closer to him.  “You left him and never said, never went back. I need to know—why?  Why did Jack suffer? And don’t give me that Torchwood bullshit. They took him against his will.  You’ve been through this loop enough to know where he was and what they’d done to him. Now tell me the truth.”

The Doctor’s tight control splintered into dozens of fragments of jagged edged words.

“The truth is Jack isn’t human anymore.  He died. On that station.” He hurled the words inches from her face, a snarl etched into his mouth.  “He’s not normal. I’m sure he knows that. Just standing near him feels like a thousand worms burrowing into my mind.”

“Gee thanks,” Jack quipped.  The Doctor continued before Rose could speak.  

“He’s a fixed point.  He can’t ever die permanently.  He’s wrong, against the rules of time and the universe.  Even the TARDIS ran from him. And you know how he got that way?”

“Tell me,” Rose demanded, her voice wavering.

“Do I need to you?  Or have you figured it out?  The way you figured out how to turn Daleks to dust?  The way you get on with my TARDIS now? The way you and I—” His voice hitched.  “You didn’t do it on purpose.” He looked at Jack. “She didn’t. She had the power of the vortex coursing through her, killing her and all she could think about was saving everyone, including you and me, Jack.”  The other man’s face fell and he looked over at Rose who trembled, tears falling down her face.

“I did this to him,” she barely choked out the words.  “It’s my fault.” 

The Doctor caught her as she collapsed forward, guilt tearing her apart.  He pulled her into his arms hating himself for being so vicious, so cold in this revelation of truth. 

“It wasn’t your fault.  You couldn’t control it.  No one’s ever done what you did.  If a Time Lord had, well, he’d be a god, bursting with immeasurable power and I doubt as benevolent as you.”  He tipped her face up, refusing to allow her to be alone in her grief. “Everything you did was selfless and so full of love.  And you were going to die and I couldn’t let that happen.”

“Oh my god,” Jackie gasped pulling away from Pete’s grasp until she reached Rose. Rubbing comforting circles on her back.

“That’s why you regenerated.  You took it out of me. You told me you absorbed the time vortex but you got it from me.” Rose’s voice strangled and sobs shook through her, she clawed her fingers into his coat, shaking him as he wrapped her tight in his arms, pressing his face into her neck.  Pain twisted in his chest. It choked him as he wrapped himself around her in an attempt to absorb her grief and shield her from repercussions, the main one standing a few feet away.

Pete gently tugged Jackie away.  The Doctor didn’t miss the glimpse of tears or how she looked from him to Rose before stepping back toward Pete.

“I’d do it all again, to save you,” the Doctor confided to Rose.  “Love is consuming that way. It doesn’t see reason.”

“Did you just admit you love her?” Jack asked, a smile emerging.  “You guys just witnessed it right? I’m not dreaming?”

“Oh please, they were snogging just a few hours ago,” Jackie announced wiping a tear from her eye before directing a warning look at the Doctor.

“Centuries of banging around Earth trying to find these two,” Jack commented. “Well, not these exact two.  I was sort of looking for blue-eyed, hot leather wearing him and Rose. Like the new look by the way. Hot professor is always good.”  He shot the Doctor a thumbs up. “But I’m bummed to have missed the big event.” 

“Jack,” the Doctor drew out, a slight groan at the innuendo even as a release of some of the tension eased, especially when Rose giggled into his chest.  The Doctor looked down to find Rose’s eyes still sparkling with unshed tears, peering at him.

“I was trying to protect you.  I never wanted you to hurt, to feel a guilt that wasn’t earned but you would bear anyway because you’re Rose.”

“I know.  That’s why you suffered through ten loops before telling me the truth.  We both know how well that worked out. It’s time for us, you and me, to be honest.”

Why did she have to ask the one thing he found so against his nature.  Protecting Rose had been his focus, his mantra once she stepped aboard his TARDIS.  He’d much rather focus on life, her life, her happiness than the death that followed him.

“I’ll try,” he slowly agreed.  “It’s just, I love you so much and the universe it’s just—”

“Continually trying to fuck you over?” Jack supplied.  “Been there. You two are better than that. Hell, even I’m better than that and it’s taking me over a century of anger and guilt to figure out maybe I’m not here to just pay penance for my past but to do something better.  That better part I picked up from the two of you. Not that I haven’t cursed you a bit for it.”

Rose still in his arms, he swallowed back his instincts to avoid Jack and faced him.

“I’m sorry, Jack.”

“Can you fix me?”

“Why fix what isn’t broken?” Rose said with a smile and held out a hand which Jack took without hesitation.  The Doctor shuddered in response but focused on breathing and every bit of discipline he learned on Gallifrey.

“You’re an impossible thing, Jack Harkness,” he drawled out with panache and a bit of teasing.  “The universe, through Rose, chose you to be this way. Can’t say I know why. Don’t want to, really.”  He tugged at his ear. “I’m sorry but I don’t know of anything that can alter how you are.”

“Maybe the universe needs Jack just as he is,” Rose asserted, connecting the three of them, one arm around the Doctor, and one hand holding Jack’s hand.

“Spreading the love?” Jack teased.

The Doctor groaned and rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna be dealing with this for centuries, aren’t I?” the Doctor moaned.

“Looks like,” Rose teased and her smile fell.  “At least with Jack.”

“Maybe or not.  You’re not exactly the same either.”

“I knew it!” Jackie snapped.  “You turned her alien, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t do anything,” the Doctor defended.  “Rose is…Rose. As much as I know about the universe, I don’t know everything, much less what the ultimate result of what she did that day is. But I look forward to Rose teaching me, day by day.”  She curled up into his chest, one hand on his left heart.

“You know, all of this is the answer.”

“What?” the Doctor asked, uneasiness creeping up to him as icy fingers from the Void reminded him danger lay ahead.

“Hey,” Mickey interrupted.  “Sorry to interrupt the family reunion but we still got Daleks and Cybermen.”

“And two worlds going to hell,” Pete reminded, an arm now firmly wrapped around Jackie’s waist.

“Ah, yes, right,” the Doctor agreed.  He looked at Jack and then Rose. “Are you sure about this, both of you?  Every other loop hasn’t always ended well.”

“But now you have me,” Jack held up his rather big gun with a cocky smile.  “And I’m not letting anything happen to you now that I’ve found you. You owe me a drink at the very least.”

“We need to move now,” Pete insisted as the clanking march of Cybermen sounded closer.  “Jacks,” he said softly. Jackie wore the softest expression the Doctor ever witnessed on her face. 

“I’ve had twenty years without you.  In that time, I raised a daughter and learned to make my own way, even taking down aliens.”  Jackie punctuated her statement by yanking Pete into a snog. “Try and keep up.” 

She marched forward, head high and again the Doctor flushed with a warmth and recognition.  Tyler women. The universe turned on a dime around them. It didn’t dare do otherwise.

The group made their way forward, Jack, Mickey and Jake taking point.

“Doctor, this is it,” Rose said softly, hand gripping his.

“The end of the loop,” he said with a quirk of his lips.  Rose snorted and shook her head at his attempted joke.

“Yeah it is but in a way that really is the end,” she continued.  “Everything’s come full circle.”

He glanced around, opening his senses, seeking out threads and details that Rose saw. 

“I don’t know how or why this is happening or what my part in it is.  But I do see the parallels,” Rose confided. “Daleks, you, me, Jack, us together facing the end.”

Her logic hit him square in the jaw.  A bruising reality emerged, one through the eyes of Rose.  His inner voiced resonated with a deep,  _ Of course.  We are so thick _ .

“It’s a coincidence,” he said slowly even as logic rebelled and reminded him that there were no coincidences, not where Rose was concerned. 

He went back to that day, when he wore another face.  The emotions had consumed him, anger, bitterness, vengeance, a need to end, not just the Daleks but himself, but not at the cost of Rose.  Once he knew she lived, sacrifice was easy, a relief even.

“I did this.” She squeezed his hand.  “I could see everything then even if I can’t now but maybe I saw what you would do and all the trouble we’d find.  You said I did things out of love. I don’t remember most of it, just impressions, glimpse like a dream. Maybe I did this to try and fix things.”  The Doctor pulled her to a stop as they made their way through a storage area.  _ Fix it. _

“Jack, grab those magna clamps.”  He faced Rose. 

He wasn’t just thick, he was running away again.  Only this time from the consequences affecting his companion.  More than companion now. Beneath her bright smile and compassionate nature lay every bit of humanity, the good and the bad including the selfish, the sacrifice, the love, the defender, and the woman who didn’t need to know ramifications.  She acted with heart, devotion and bravery.

“You didn’t do this, Rose.  Not alone.” He squeezed her shoulders, needing contact.  “If this started with you, then it continued through me and will end with us.”

“I don’t want to lose you, my Doctor.”  The words sank into his bones, through his core and into the creature of time contained in this corporeal state.  She was his Rose but so much more. Bloody stupid coward, he’d avoided looking too carefully at her. Yes, she was human, oh so human, but now, she was more as well.  There was a wisdom immersed in Rose, a swirl of time not like Jack or a Time Lord, something unique.

“You won’t lose me.” His voice strained at the intensity of his statement.  He dug his fingers into her shoulders, pulling on forces beyond human senses, the very pulse of the universe pounding in his veins.  He could see potential futures stretching forward but blurred around Rose.

“Doctor, we need to finish this.  Going through all these loops, it’s not just you it hurts is it?”

“No,” he admitted, glancing at Pete, Jackie and their friends.  “It can fray time lines.”

“Then we stop it today.  You, me, and Jack. He needs to be here.”

The Doctor watched Jack walk up with the magna clamps.

“You ready?” Jack asked.

“Are you?  This isn’t going to be walk in the park.”

“Doctor!” Jake shouted.  “We need to get a move on.  The Daleks are coming!”

They all quickly made their way to the most cursed room in Torchwood.  Hatred welled in the Doctor as he stared at that white wall, soon to be a gate into the Howling.  An urge to scream at it and what lay beyond in the Void nearly consumed him until his respiratory bypass kicked in from the tightly clenched muscles in his chest.

“Well?” Pete demanded.

“You need to leave.  All of you.” He met Jackie’s narrowed eyes. “You see, everything that comes through or out of the void is covered in void stuff.”  He handed Pete his 3D glasses he’d used in multiple loops to confirm his theory. “It’s saturated them, you, me, even Rose. Anyone who traversed the Void.”

“But not me,” Jackie stated in defiance.

“No, not you, but you’re still not safe.”  His voice lowered as he emphasized his concern.  “You’re in the line of fire. Time is running out.”

Daleks and Cybermen could be heard shouting  _ Delete, Delete, Delete _ and  _ Exterminate _ .

“This is a war, Jackie.  And one that’s reaching a point of planetary annihilation.  And not just this world. But all worlds if they break through the universal barriers which are growing ever thinner.  All universes could die if I don’t stop this, right here, right now.”

“By opening the Void and sending them all back to hell,” Pete affirmed.  “And my world?”

“Should normalize and recover once we seal the universal walls permanently.”

“Permanently,” Jackie repeated, and grim determination hardened her eyes.  “I’m not leaving my daughter.” Jackie insisted.

“But you have to, Mum,” Rose jumped in stepping forward toward Jackie. 

For once, the Doctor stopped talking and let Rose take charge.  A bit of lightness popped in his head as he realized he’d rather done a lot of that this time.  And none of his friends died. Yet another affirmation of how wrong he’d gotten things with Rose.  She wasn’t a young girl, naive or incapable. She was an intelligent woman, raised to face the world head on by her mother, awakened unto the possibilities of variations of life and the universe by adventures with him, a partner, and a force to be reckoned with.

“I have to stay.  Me, the Doctor, and Jack are part of this and we have to end the loop.  But you’re part of something else, something better. This is your chance to be happy.  Here you might not live but with Pete, you could have the life you deserve.” Rose gripped Jackie’s hands and smiled at Pete.  “He’s a good man. One of the best I’ve ever met. I’d be proud if he were my dad.” 

Pete’s face reddened, and he shifted on his feet seeming to want to respond but unsure how.

“You’re my daughter.  I can’t just leave you.  Who will take care of you?  Do your laundry and make sure you come home?”  Rose pulled Jackie into her arms, face reddened and covered in tears.

“You took care of me, raised me to be strong and smart.  Now I have to do what’s right and take care of you. Even if that’s sending you to another universe.” Rose’s voice thickened as she convinced her mother to leave.

“No, I won’t go.  I can’t leave you alone.”

“I won’t be alone just like you won’t be.”

“I’ll watch over her,” Jack offered.  “Can’t say laundry’s my thing but I can make them show up for tea, keep up with Earth trends and you know East Enders,” Jack ended with a charming smile.

“I give you my word.” The Doctor stepped forward to the two women who had so become the center of his universe.  “I will protect her with my lives, every last one.”

“See, Mum.  Not alone. And we’ll look for a way through, to get you a message.  Won’t we Doctor?” Rose gave him the scalding Tyler look that said he better respond positively. 

He bit his tongue against all the science and reasons it wouldn’t work.  They didn’t have time to argue and every Time Lord sense screamed Jackie leaving was fixed, and part of how this loop would end no matter the emotional repercussions.  And from the slight tremble of Rose’s lips, she was barely holding onto the significance of letting her mother go.

“I promise.  Now you really must go, or none of us will make it out of this.”

“You’ve seen it all end before.” Jackie’s tone was more an accusation.

“Yes,” He choked on the word. Jackie wrapped Rose in another fierce hug.  “You better keep your promise, both of you.” She eyed both he and Jack with tear-laden eyes.  “I swear I’ll tear through that Void stuff myself if you don’t.”

“We need leave now!” Jake shouted as the building shook from an explosion and the shriek of  _ Exterminate _ in one ominous voice rose up like a tsunami of Dalek terror.

“I love you,” Rose choked out as she backed toward the Doctor who naturally wrapped his arms around her, clinging to Rose in relief. 

“Take care of them, Micks,” Rose ordered.  He saluted the Doctor, Rose, and Jack.

“You do the same.  This world needs that,” Mickey responded

“I love you,” Jackie cried out as Pete held onto her. 

“I’d have been proud to be your dad,” he said directly to Rose.  “Doctor, always an honor.” In a flash they disappeared. Rose gulped breaths, Turning and pressing her face into the Doctor’s chest.  He held her tight wanting to ease her pain, promise her the universe, but there wasn’t time for empty promises.

“Tell me we did the right thing.”  She demanded with hitched sob.

“We did.  Now we have to finish this loop or it’s all for nothing.”

“And no time like the present.  I take it things don’t always go this well?” Jack asked lightly.

“Sometimes,” the Doctor answered.  “Magna clamps by the levers.”

“That’s not much of plan,” Jack stated as he attached one clamp onto the wall.  The Doctor and Rose attached the other one,

“It’s all we’ve got time for.”  He turned to find Rose staring at the white wall.  “Don’t,” he pleaded, his stomach doing flip flops at memories rising up, of the wall open, gaping, the Void hungry for their lives.

“It’ll open there,” Rose stated in toneless voice.  “The Void. The howling you called it.”

“Uh guys, we need to get this on.” Jack picked up his gun blasting a Dalek that exploded its way through the doorway.

“Rose, take that lever.  Don’t let go. Let Jack do the work.  He’ll spot you.” The Doctor gently guided Rose over to Jack and met the other man’s skeptical look.  “Don’t let her fall.”

“And who’s going to stop you from falling,” Jack demanded.

“I won’t,” the Doctor answered with a typical cold arrogance.

“Right, because everything always goes to plan.” Jack shook his head, hands squeezing Rose’s shoulders in comfort.

“I haven’t fallen in any other loop unless I let myself.”

“Let yourself?” Rose’s spirited response fired up his determination to end this.

“I won’t if you won’t,” he said childishly but also with a hint of warning.

More Daleks echoed down the hall

“Grab on both of you.”  Jack whipped off his belt and attached Rose to the lever.  “As a backup,” he added. “Hold on tight.” 

Again, jealousy flared up, roaring through his chest in a very  _ My Rose don’t touch _ way reminiscent of his prior incarnation who had a slight possessive attitude toward Rose.  A growl vibrated in his chest especially when Rose turned to Jack, pulling him into a kiss.

“Thanks, Jack, for coming, staying and doing this.  And…I’m sorry for everything.” 

“Thanks for coming back for me,” Jack’s voice wavered slightly. 

All feelings of resentment fled.  Despite Dalek shrieks, Cybermen metallic threats and ominous fluctuations in the air around him from the universal walls thinning, time lines seemed to quiet, set into place in a solemn end for some lives and a rebound and strengthening for others.

“Less snogging and more lever pulling, if you don’t mind,” the Doctor spoke, filling that calmness with a touch of Time Lord anarchy.  Especially when someone else was lip locked with his Rose. And then realization dawned as Jack and Rose broke into giggles.

“Oh no, no, no and no.” He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut at the total innuendo laden interpretation of his quite innocently intended direction 

“God, I missed you guys,” Jack said with zest and amusement.  “And Rose can pull my lever any time she likes,” he said with relish.

“Let’s be clear,” the Doctor bit out. “The only lever pulling Rose does is mine, with me, in private.”

Laughter filled the room that had only previously known, death, destruction, endings and invasions.  It curled around the Doctor in a bubbly form of chaos he liked, the kind based on love and hope. Jack and Rose bumped their foreheads in glee before facing the lever and giggling more.  They yanked it down together and the Doctor followed suit.

The Void opened with a roar of wind.  The Doctor curled his fingers onto the magna clamp handle as the pull of the Void tore at his limbs and clothing.  He looked over at Rose, squinting against the tremendous force lifting him upward, muscles burning with strain.

Hair whipping around her face, she looked over at him her mouth forming words he would know without a voice to utter them,  _ I love you _ .  His hearts pounded in his chest at the explosion of euphoria from Rose’s affirmation.  He watched Jack, standing next to her, unaffected by the Void and ducking to avoid Dalek and Cybermen debris, arms ready to catch Rose if she fell. 

Despite Rose’s grip, Jack’s watchful stance and the belt tightly binding her to the magna clamp, unrest and paranoia clutched at the Doctor with an icy promise that this wouldn’t end well.  The grating, ominous voice from the Void slithered in his mind.

_ The lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon. _

_ No. _  He steeled his mind, digging deep within himself for the cocky, dark voice that enjoyed egging him on. 

_ We can’t lose her.  Not this time. She loves us. _

A singular focus grew in his mind, a memory of a weapon of lethal proportions developed in his mental landscape, a telepathic version of  the terrifying device he wielded to time lock the War. His memories of that time blurred but one thing he focused on was the ultimate Pandora’s Box.  Oddly, as his mind focused, developing the telepathic equivalent, it appeared with a red rose embellished on the top.

_ Let that Void creature come _ , he thought with a shiver of lethal satisfaction.  Until, a familiar feminine voice invaded his thoughts, taunting him about choices, living, dying, accepting fate.

The Moment, Bad Wolf, the weapon’s conscious, seared into his mind, a burning sensation beyond the physical world tearing at his body, a vision of a golden-haired goddess eyes burning with time.  The other lever dropped. He gasped and opened his eyes looking at Rose who reached for the lever.

“No!!!”  His voice was stolen by the never-ending suction of the Void.  Not that he needed to worry. 

Jack, barely affected by the whirlwind of flying Daleks and Cybermen, spinning and hurtling into the Void, righted the lever.  He winked at the Doctor before taking up position next to Rose who gritted her teeth as the greedy Void grasped at her, tugging and pulling, determined to claim her as its own.

It would fail.  The Doctor groaned against the forces, his fingers slipping a millimeter at a time.  Faith wasn’t something he was good at except with Rose. Now he found himself leveling that faith in Jack as well.  Just as he once did in his prior body on the Game Station. Rose called it. They had come full circle.

Rose’s grasp slipped and she cried out. He vainly reached out toward her, barely holding on with one hand.  Jack’s belt bit into her middle, tethering her as Jack pulled her back to the magna clamp.

“I’ve got her!” 

A numbing cold seeped through him as the Void reached out into the room. The Doctor gripped the clamp with both hands.  He wasn’t losing, not Rose or this world and certainly not his life. He sank back into himself back to the telepathic war room, where he prepared to battle the Void entity, a creature so powerful it emitted telepathic messages piercing his own telepathic shields.  Not any more. He focused his thoughts, pulling on traumatic memories to unleash a telepathic version of the weapon that ended the Time War. A golden warmth surrounded him as he placed a hand on the box.

“Whatever evil lurks in the Void, it won’t win. I choose life.  Like she did.”

“Doesn’t everyone?” a raspy feminine voice teased.

There in his mental landscape, the lever room manifested including the Void, a darkness so black it hurt to see it, like needles in the back of his head.  Fury roared through him at yet another attack, a violation of his mind. “You can’t have her and I’m ending this,” he said with a cavalier anger.

A face emerged from the blackness.  His blood ran cold. Familiar brown eyes, harder, colder, filled with disdain and madness looked back at him from a smirking, face topped with familiar tousled brown hair. 

“No, it can’t be.  I wouldn’t. Not ever.  Not to her. It’s not me!” he mentally babbled, his hearts about wrenched from his chest at the dark reflection of himself.

“You might have.  Once,” the weapon’s feminine voice said.  “Life is for living, Doctor. Live it wisely or this will be not just your end but the end for all you love.”

The weapon faded as did the image of the lever room.  His hearts galloped in his chest. Lesson learned. Do not underestimate his own madness.  And never recreate a sentient weapon that clearly existed beyond time and space and now had embedded a tendril of itself in his mind.  A weapon with a conscious. Of course it would.

He snapped out of his mindscape when something hard and metallic crashed into his shoulder.  He lost the grip of his right-hand flailing in the air.

“Doctor, hold on!” Rose screamed. 

Sharp pain radiated from his shoulder.  His fingers slipped. Through sheer force of will against the physics of the Void sucking everything with any fragment of Void stuff on it, he held on and locked his gaze on Rose. 

_ Please, please, please not now.  I love her.  _

His mind worked feverishly to beg the universe and any forces within to give him strength.  One more Dalek whizzed by him. A build up of pressure popped his ears before a deafening sonic boom sounded.  He lost his grip and fell to the ground on his injured shoulder.

“Ow.” He rolled over, his vision blurred from a bone crunching pain.  Rose fell to her knees, her middle lifted up still tethered to the magna clamps.   Jack released her, easing her to sitting against the nearby wall. The Doctor’s ears rang so much he couldn’t hear what Jack said as he laid a hand on her shoulder.

The Doctor cracked his jaw in an attempt to clear his ear.  He sat up, willing his shoulder to stop throbbing like he’d bounced across the Middle Ages with a malfunctioning Vortex manipulator.  Not that he’d admit to knowing what that felt like.

“Doctor?” Jack’s voice thinly pierced the fog buffering his ear drums.

“Rose?” he shouted, probably louder than he needed to.

“She’s fine.  So am I, thanks for asking.  You, on the other hand look like shit.”

At last his ears cleared just in time to be insulted.

“Those Cybermen pack a wallop when they hit you full on.  You’re in one piece I see,” the Doctor said, trying not to move his shoulder.

“Yeah, looks like we made it.”  Jack looked over his shoulder at the now solid white wall.  “You did it. I think we’re all clear.”

“Are we though?” the Doctor asked, eyes on Rose leaning against the wall near the magna clamp, knees drawn up to her face and staring blankly forward.

“No one will be a hundred percent after this.  Too many lives lost and torn apart,” Jack stated with a heavy weight in his voice.  “Can you move?”

The Doctor didn’t care.  All he could do was stare at Rose and wonder if this was the right choice.  Yes, he loved her and she loved him. He’d chosen life, their lives and the lives of everyone on this planet.  Even Jackie. But that was the kicker. Jackie lived, but not on this world or even this universe. Everything has its price.  He and Rose paid it today.

Jack wrapped an arm around him, helping him up as the Doctor cradled his arm, sucking in a breath at the burning, stabbing pain.

“Jack, could I trouble you to—” He screamed as Jack yanked his arm and shoulder, snapping a once dislocated shoulder back in place.

“Fucking cranak pel casacree salvak ! ” The curse slipped out in a satisfying sensation of release. Oh, he hadn’t hurt like that even during his last regeneration. 

Jack whistled.  “Now I haven’t heard cursing like that in more than a century and not on Earth.”

“You could have warned me,” the Doctor snapped, flexing his hand as pain still stabbed at his nerve endings.

“Doctor,” Rose rushed over, stumbling into Jack.  “Are you okay?”

“Right as rain,” he answered with a lighter tone than he felt. 

“No, you’re not,” Rose insisted slipping around to his other side and under his good arm, holding him up.  Like always.

“Well, maybe I’m a little under the weather.  Could do with a cuppa.”

“Excellent idea, let’s get you two out of here.  Won’t be long before UNIT sweeps in.” Jack walked them out of the lever room.  The Doctor paused and looked back at the accursed white wall.

“You didn’t see anything come out, did you?  Hear anything?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Out of that hell hole?  The only thing I heard was a bone chilling and I mean, down to your core scare the shit of you chilling howl, like a Banshee and the bang and screams of Daleks and Cybermen flying in,” Jack revealed urging them onward.

“Rose, did you?” he asked quietly looking down at her, face pale, eyes dark with fear and trauma.

“I heard what Jack did,” she said quietly.  “And the screams of—” her voice hitched.

“It’s okay,” the Doctor quickly soothed, and squeezed his good arm around her shoulders.  “It’s over. Earth is safe and so is—” he hesitated, the words sticking in his throat, but he had to say it out loud. “Jackie.  Your mum is safe,” he reiterated.

Rose nodded and kept moving forward.

“I know this isn’t the time but we have to deal with it,” Jack spoke in firm tone.  “A lot of people died today. No one will question the details of any lost today. Not even UNIT and I’ll make sure of that.  They never liked Torchwood or Yvonne or me, for that matter. They’ll want to clean this mess up and tie up loose ends.”

“Like us,” Rose finally spoke, her words soft but firm.  “Like me and my mum.” She trembled slightly at referring to Jackie and the Doctor’s hearts stuttered.  How could he have done this to her? The one person he loved most.

“It’s better if they think you died,” Jack continued.  “Safer for you and your extended family. Torchwood’s gone, at least the old regime.  I’ll make certain of it. But there’s always some nutter looking for aliens, to make a name for themselves or the usual grasp for power and glory.  I’ll make sure they don’t find you.”

“Jack, I can’t ask you to lie.” Rose leaned into the Doctor, her strength seeming to wane, and the Doctor couldn’t blame her.  Even he felt the heaviness, the exhaustion of ending the loop, at least he hoped they had ended it.

“Rose is right.  We’ve put too much on you already,” the Doctor admitted, realizing for the first time since reuniting with Jack, his time sense didn’t recoil.  “I’m the one that owes you, Jack.”

“Yeah, you do and you’re gonna pay up, trust me.”  A huge grin aimed at the Doctor and he swore Jack patted him on the bum.  “But first you and Rose are going to disappear. Heal, rest, get your heads on straight.  Maybe enjoy a little naked bonding time.”

“Jack,” the Doctor drew out too tired to argue innuendos.

“Oh no, you don’t.  I get to say that now.  I missed the big admission and what finally broke that unbearable tension that drove me to drink and enjoy my own naked alone time.”

“I do not need to hear this,” the Doctor muttered as Rose began shaking beside him until she snorted a giggle.  His shoulders relaxed, despite the spasming burning pain. Funny how one Rose Tyler giggle was balm to all that ailed him.

The TARDIS loomed before them, a shining beacon beckoning them home.

“This is your stop,” Jack announced.  “Get out of here and let me do my job.  I’m pretty good at it as it turns out. Come back in two weeks, Cardiff, Bar Reunion, I’ll text Rose the time.  You buy the drinks.”

“I’ll make sure he has the cash this time,” Rose said, her voice lighter.  She shifted the Doctor toward the TARDIS and moved around him to hug Jack.

“Thank you.”  The Doctor felt no jealousy in how tightly they held each other, the emotion shared between them.  “Call me if you need us sooner,” Rose said, pulling away and straightening the lapels of Jack’s long blue coat.  “You’re not alone.”

“Neither are you,” Jack repeated before directing a pointed look at the Doctor.  “Take care of her. Not that I think I need to tell you that.”

“How about we all watch out for each other.”  The Doctor stilled, shocked at his own words. Blimey, he had taken a beating.  He never used to be so maudlin or domestic.

“See you for drinks.  Be gentle with him, sweetheart.  This regeneration looks a bit fragile.  Nice arse but might need a lighter touch.” 

Rose again burst out in loud laughter and urged the Doctor inside before he could defend his very strong, manly abilities.  The two of them dragged their feet on the grating, making it up to the console.

She helped him work the controls one handed, dematerializing them into the vortex.  Once safely away from Torchwood, he slumped forward, bracing his hips against the controls.

“Med Bay?” Rose asked. 

He nodded and thankfully his ship made the trip short.  Rose gently eased his suit coat off, removed his tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt down to his soft white undershirt.  He pressed a muscular tissue and tendon regenerating device to his shoulder and sighed as the warmth and healing tingled across his shoulder.

“I’m knackered,” Rose leaned against a counter, dark circles under her eyes.

“Let’s get some rest.”  He set aside the equipment and followed her into her room and collapsing onto the bed next to her as she removed her trainers. 

“We do this now?” she asked.

“Sleep?” he asked in slurred words. 

“Together?” Rose asked.

“Better with two I hear.  Especially when one keeps waking up from a time loop where one never really sleeps or rests or enjoys any peace; or when someone has Dalek nightmares she doesn’t talk about.”

Rose shimmied out of her clothes down to a vest and knickers before she unlaced his trainers and tossed his shoes off before curling up to his good side.

“Is it over?” she asked, cheek against his shoulder, fingers drawing patterns across his vest covered chest.

“Yes,” he answered, surprised at his own certainty.  Doubt still nagged him. He was too tired to give it much credit.  Rose nodded her head.

“And Mum?” she asked in a raspy voice, still embedded with unresolved emotions over losing her mother.

“She’s with Pete, Mickey and Jake.  That world is sealed, safe from Daleks and Cybermen.  They have a chance to recover now.”

“Do you think she’ll be happy?  With Pete I mean?”

He turned to face her.

“Every loop but one, they met and the proverbial sparks flew.  Never knew I was such multiversal matchmaker until I watched them meet and just fit one another over and over again.”

“Like it’s fixed,” Rose finished for him.

“Yeah, sort of.”

“Will I be able to talk to her?  Can you do that?”

“I don’t know, Rose.”  He cuddled her closer. They wrapped their bodies around each other intimately, fitting perfectly.  “But I’m betting we can find one last tiny hole in the universal walls out there somewhere. And maybe, just maybe, we can ring her up.  Give her chance to have another go at me,” he teased.

“Shut up.” Rose nudged him.  “She loves you. So do I.”

“I love you, too.  And you were right.  I needed you with me to solve this.  The one thing Torchwood never counted on, two Tyler women and a Time Lord.”

“No more taking the universe on alone,” she warned.  “Like that myth, the bloke who had constantly roll the rock up hill.  No more of that.”

“Sisyphus.  Now there was a bloke with issues.” The Doctor grinned.  “But he didn’t have Rose Tyler.”

Rose leaned over and brushed her lips, gently against his.

“Good night, Doctor.  Sweet dreams.”

“I’ve got you.  I don’t need sweet dreams.”

They snuggled together, the Doctor’s eyelids drooping heavy.  Contentment washed over him. “Just no more time loops please,” he murmured as his TARDIS hummed both her pilots to sleep. 

Time healed from the eternal loop.  The multiverse heaved and adjusted as potential time lines reset from a tragedy that almost happened.  And the TARDIS settled into a pleased realignment mode, another catastrophe, universal melt down, death destruction avoided.  Her pilots were home, as it should be. And in a few hours, they’d awaken, not to a time loop, but the next adventure that awaited them.


End file.
